Sirius just shrugged. It wasn't like he could just sneak off to shag muggles here anyway. He wasn't even sure he wanted to anymore.
"Maybe it's different with women? I don't know. But most men, or, I guess, the men I shagged, they didn't care what happened as long as they got off. It was always quick, and dirty, and sometimes I was just..." Too drunk, too angry, too everything. Sometimes he'd let them hurt him because he felt like he deserved it. "But it was always the same bars. I'd see them again. But they'd never look at me after the first time. They'd gotten what they wanted." He shook his head. "Nevermind, that isn't what we were talking about anyway."
He let his own head fall against Peters, even as he felt guilty for always being so damn needy.
"Maybe. I don't know." It was different with Kirley, was it possible that it could be more? Was that what Peter meant, that he should let Kirley in? He was gentle, and kind, and affectionate. Maybe, if Sirius said the right things, maybe he'd want to stick around. Not that Sirius really wanted that from Kirley, but right now he'd take some proof of desirability from almost anyone.
"You guys were still there," he protested, though Peter and Remus had been gone more often. He and James usually had missions together, and Remus had just started disappearing for days at a time. Maybe it had been happening and Sirius just didn't notice. Or, more truthfully, he'd chosen not to notice because the implication was something he didn't want to deal with. Growing up. Growing apart. Moving on. Without him.
"So we grew apart then. We'll grow apart now. Maybe we won't all die in the process this time. I can't change it. I shouldn't change it. So I don't know what you expect from me Pete."