Had he ever told someone he wanted something more? No. The only people he'd ever wanted more with hadn't exactly been options. Except now he knew that Remus had wanted that, and Sirius had been too scared to... Nope. That ship has sailed. Don't think about it.
"I don't usually talk to the people I shag," he said sarcastically. "I rarely even know their names."
He laughed darkly, shaking his head.
"No, that's not what I'm saying at all. I'm saying that of the... Dozens? More? Doesn't matter. Of all the people I've fucked only one has ever come back, and even I'm not stupid enough to think Kirley cares beyond whatever fun we can have. Sometimes, I mean, he's nice to me, he makes sure it's fun, doesn't hurt, which most men don't care about, but even I know that isn't, like, anything it's not." He wasn't saying it right. He didn't even know what he was trying to get across.
Peter kept taking, and all Sirius could do was shake his head.
"I know you all say that happens, that we don't spend time together anymore, but Pete, that didn't happen with me. We still saw each other all the time. Order meetings, missions, dinners at James and Lilys, karaoke parties, full moons. We had school, then we had the war, then we were here. If you were growing apart, if everyone else was, I wasn't. I didn't. I can't just change all at once. I'm doing the best I can."