Remus knew he'd misspoken as soon as he saw the change come over Sirius' expression. The conversation had been a field of landmines to begin with, but he'd been stupid and stepped on one almost immediately like an idiot because, the truth was, he'd forgotten how to talk to his friends after two years without them and two months hadn't quite brought all the old instincts back. He wasn't even sure they could come back when so much had changed. For him. Not them. Because they were all still as they were in his memory and he'd lived three years on his own since.
Knowing that the gesture would likely be unwelcome, but still unable to just not react when faced with the obvious signs of his friend's pain, Remus pushed himself slowly out of the chair and moved to stand in front of Sirius, hands tucked defensively in his pockets, an old gesture of his own insecurities. "Please don't do this, Pads. Please don't shut me out."
Unconsciously slumping his shoulders a little more, he pursed his lips. "I didn't say Peter had told me," he pointed out quietly. "But, you should know me well enough to know I'm going to worry, Pads. Especially when I didn't believe him. I mean, let's be honest, in what world does anyone want to get involved with the poor werewolf who has no chance of a future, let alone someone as out of my league as my gorgeous best friend?" Or his brother. "I'm sorry if I phrased things poorly. But, I didn't believe it was possible until you disappeared after Wednesday night. I always thought you were teasing, just joking around whenever you'd compliment me, call me brilliant or sexy. Merlin, I'd have given anything at sixteen to have thought you meant it. It's why I forgave you after what you did with Snape. You broke my heart. But, I loved you and couldn't imagine my life without you in it. But, you never had eyes for me, Pads. Always off with one person or another, a different girl or boy every weekend, never seemingly interested in a relationship and I knew I couldn't do that. Nothing between us could have ever been casual and I didn't want to pretend I could be what you wanted when it didn't seem like I could ever be enough for you."
Sighing softly, he ducked his head a bit, hiding behind his fringe. "There are a lot of things you don't know about me, the life I've led since I lost you. I had to move on, get over you. I had to learn to survive by doing things that...that I haven't been able to bring myself to tell you about because I was afraid it would make you see me differently, as something even less than I already am. So, I didn't believe Peter when he said you thought you had feelings for me. I did worry you'd be horrified by the thought of my dating your brother, since you two don't seem to get along. I guess I'd hoped that we could actually talk rather than you plastering your public smile on and pretending with me."