Sirius choked on a laugh, because some habits never died and he'd even laughed when James died he'd seen the damn newspaper clipping of him looking fucking psycho as he laughed and laughed...
"I did a lot of things wrong," he gasped out between desperate little giggles. "I, I did so much wrong. With you. With Reg. Fuck, I did it so wrong with him. I, I never told him. I never let him know what she did, how bad it was, how close I come to just... I never told him any of it because I didn't want him to know. I wanted to keep him safe and away from it and I never wanted to let mother do to him what she did to me so I hid it all from him for our entire lives and then I got so angry at him for not knowing! Isn't that just the most fucked up thing. I wanted him to stop her. I wanted him to save me. But I didn't want him to know and I didn't want him near her, and I just stayed angry and decided that he chose them, that he picked our parents. That he thought everything they did to me was right when there wasn't any way he could know because I didn't tell him. Then I left him there and it was all for nothing anyway because they fed him to the fucking Death Eaters and he died thinking I don't fucking love him and I still can't fucking talk to him about it because I still don't want him to know!"
He broke down into giggles then, twitching laughs that shook his shoulders and caught in the back of his throat.