Sirius just shook his head, turning to hide his face in James' shoulder for a second. He took a few shallow breaths, reminding himself that he was safe here, that James had always been his safe space, that he didn't need to pretend or hide and even if things did go badly there still wasn't anyone here who wanted to hurt him. He finally let out a long, drawn out sigh, and let the artifice go. He sagged, closing his eyes.
"It's just been a lot," he admitted softly. "Severus, yeah, but, mostly... Mostly Lilu. Knowing that she, that she knows. Everything. Things I never... Things I haven't even told you, or Remus, things I try to convince myself aren't real and... I never wanted anyone to know. And I've been trying not to think about it because I don't want to remember those things. But when I let my guard down its the only things I can remember. And Snape, his life, my life, they're not, well, they're different, but not in the ways that matter the most, you know? So I've got his hurt now too and I can guarantee that he feels as awful about me knowing his stuff as I do about Lilu knowing mine and it's all just..."