"I know she won't say anything." But that wasn't the point, and James knew it. Or at least he did now. This was one of the topics that it was just easier to talk to Remus about. Not because James didn't care, he obviously did and Sirius loved him for that. But Remus just understood in a way that people without fucked up pasts couldn't. Being 'more than all that stuff' didn't make any of it go away, or stop it all from influencing you even when you didn't want it to.
"I'm just... It's just hard today. Maybe tomorrow too. But then it'll be better, and after that it'll be normal again."
He wondered what it would be like to just tell James everything. To show him the marks on his skin and explain what each of them stood for. But as much as he loved James, and there probably wasn't a number that properly described how much he loved James, there were some things that were better left in the dark. It wouldn't help either of them to dredge up the past now. It wasn't like they could change it.
"Thanks for being here," he pet James' head feebly. "You know it means a lot."