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_withoutacause ([info]_withoutacause) wrote in [info]hogwarts_dawn,
@ 2021-03-12 10:33:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:character: james potter, character: sirius black

RP: James and Sirius
Who: James & Sirius
When: mid morning, March 12
Where: All over the castle.
What: Exploring the Castle and Maybe Deep Talks



It felt like a billion things had happened in the last few days. Peter. Kirley. Teddy. Working on the new map was a huge relief, and Sirius found himself at it as often as possible. It was a decent way to look for the clues as well, though that was an after thought.

Today James was with him, and they has just finished a thorough cataloguing everything around the kitchens. Things had more or less been the same, which had been extremely comforting.

"Right. Where next then? We know the one eyed witch is good. And the passage up to divination. We could do the dungeons? Or see if that one passage still goes to the astronomy tower?"


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[info]_cervus_
2021-03-12 08:17 pm UTC (link)
James just about avoided being walloped with a wooden spoon as he followed Sirius out the kitchens. It was good to know the House Elves were still as overprotective over their cooking as always. Falling into step with Sirius, he shoved a piece of bread into his mouth.

"Um.." he chewed and swallowed thoughtfully. "Let's do the tower. Might as well get up there before it starts raining again." He knew you kind of needed to be outside for astronomy, but he also thought they might have charmed it to keep the students dry.

It was good, wandering around with Sirius. He could almost convince himself things were normal. James had felt off since Peter's arrival, like he was walking on eggshells. It wasn't a pleasant feeling. He eyed Sirius as they walked, not having to ask to recognise the tension his friend carried across his shoulders.

"You know Harry had the first map?" He said, turning a corner. "And the cloak."

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[info]_withoutacause
2021-03-12 08:22 pm UTC (link)
Sirius stopped dead and started at James.

"He did? That's brilliant! If Harry knew what it did then it probably wasn't trashed! Did he say how he figured out what it did? Did he steal it from Filch? That's the best news we've gotten all week!" He beamed, bouncing lightly on his toes.

"I miss that cloak. They're probably both in the wizard stuff vault, do you reckon? Though I guess if they're Harry's now he'll want to hold onto them. Good thing we're making a new map."

He started walking again, heading for the passage. It was the longest one they'd ever found, going from the great Hall. He still didn't understand the geography of it, and figured the castle must have done some magic fuckery to make it come out where it did.

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[info]_cervus_
2021-03-12 09:16 pm UTC (link)
James allowed a slightly wonky mile to creep onto his face in the light of Sirius' enthusiasm. He always found it hard to keep matter of fact when Padfoot was bouncing around like a drunk puppy.

"I dunno," he shrugged. "You know those Fred and George people that Ron told us about? They pinched it from Filch's office and then gave it to Harry. Merlin knows how they worked it out."

"I think he's got the cloak here though. He found it at his house - your old place. I keep meaning to ask him to borrow it." James fell back into step beside Sirius, heading in the direction of Great Hall and its weirdly long secret escape. For a moment he was quiet, watching his own feet against the flagstone.

"I lent it to Dumbledore," he finally said, still staring down. "The cloak. I gave it to him a month ago. That's why we don't have it when..." he trailed off, not really wanting to say it. "Then he passed it on when Harry went to school."

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[info]_withoutacause
2021-03-12 09:24 pm UTC (link)
"I hope they come here. We could do with more pranksters!"

Sirius jumped up to try and touch the ceiling. He'd never actually managed it, but he felt like he came closer this time. He hadn't gotten much taller than seventh year, maybe all that running and fighting for his life got him into better shape.

"Why did you give it to Dumbledore?" Sirius matched his energy to James, and tried not to get angry. If James had had the cloak... If Sirius had know he didn't have it, maybe...

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[info]_cervus_
2021-03-12 09:49 pm UTC (link)
James groaned as Sirius bounded skywards. "So close." Although he was pretty sure he might die of shock if he ever managed to actually hit the ceiling.

"I dunno," he said. "He came round to update us, we ended up talking about Hogwarts so I got it to show him. He just wanted to take a closer look, I guess. I didn't really think about it..."

So stupid. When he'd first realised, he thought it was a good thing. It meant the cloak hadn't got destroyed with everything else. But if they had had it... they probably wouldn't have all fitted under it, but it would have covered Lily and Harry, no problem.

"I keep thinking of things I should have done," he shrugged. They had reached a staircase, and he clattered down it loudly, bouncing over the last step and turning back to look at Sirius.

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[info]_withoutacause
2021-03-12 09:54 pm UTC (link)
Sirius pulled James close against his side and rested their heads together.

"Me too. I've thought over and over about what I could change if I went back. I still think about it, even though I know I can't do it. Doesn't make me want to any less."

He'd been avoiding the subject, because it was always better to not think about the hard things. Still, he couldn't ignore it forever.

"What did he say? Peter? Was there more than what I got out of him?"

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[info]_cervus_
2021-03-12 10:51 pm UTC (link)
James allowed Sirius to rest his head against his for a moment. It was reassuring, somehow, Sirius' constant need for physical contact. Maybe they'd just spent way too much time together, but he never really thought about it these days. He didn't know what he'd do here without him, if he was honest.

"Nothing much different," he replied. They hadn't really spoken about it properly. By the time Remus and Sirius had found him that evening, James had doing some rather aggressive target practice using a badly transfigured quaffle and an angry portrait of some dancing trolls. Two things which weren't really conductive to meaningful conversation.

"He's been doing it the last six months. Apparently Bellatrix came to him after Remus' parents, made all sort of threats, made his Gran walk in front of a bus... all her usual wholesome stuff. So he started there and it sounds like it snowballed."

It still didn't sound right. He would never have thought Peter would do that. If he was brutally honest with himself, he couldn't imagine him having the nerve. "They hadn't got wind of the charm yet, so he hasn't got that far. But he made it pretty clear that he knows he's going to tell."

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[info]_withoutacause
2021-03-12 11:02 pm UTC (link)
"The little rat bastard. Six months? Six fucking months?" Sirius had sort of thought it was a spur of the moment thing. He'd been cornered, forced, he was still trying to figure it out and then he'd become secret keeper and... But no. Six months. He'd been sneaking around for six months and...

"Why didn't he tell someone? Anyone? If he didn't trust us then Dumbledore or Moody, well okay not Moody but someone! Did he think we wouldn't care? That we wouldn't help? I just, it's completely mental! We could have found a place for his family, put them all under fidelius, feed Peter half truths to tell Bellatrix so it looked like he was betraying us, literally anything else! Or at the least, the very fucking least, he could have turned down the bloody secret keeper job."

That was what killed him most, he thought. That he would become secret keeper, knowing what betraying James would mean. He could have stayed a sneak and a traitor but James and Lily would have survived and...

He ran his hands aggressively through his hair in a very James like fashion.

"Sorry. Fuck. I told Moony I'd give him a chance but... If you want to I will. You're the one he hurt the worst."

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[info]_cervus_
2021-03-13 01:28 pm UTC (link)
All of a sudden, James was breathtakingly grateful for Sirius. He loved Remus, but he was so bloody reasonable sometimes. Which was a good thing, mostly. But now and again James just wanted someone to be angry with him. For him. Reasonable could come later.

"No bloody idea," he replied, his tone matching his friends. "He just kept saying there wouldn't have been a way. He asked me what we would have done, like I make the plans!" James was much more of an action sort of person - it was partly why he'd found going into hiding so hard. But he was more than happy to admit there were much smarter people than him in their corner. Lily's whole family were muggles, after all, and they'd trusted the Order to protect them.

Why didn't he turn the bloody secret keeper job.

That was it, wasn't it? It wasn't like You Know Who would have been suspicious if they'd used Sirius or Dumbledore. James wondered how hard Peter had fought the issue when they got round to suggesting it. Had he jumped at the chance, seen it as his ticket out of the mess he'd got himself in?

"I dunno," James shrugged. "He screwed us all over pretty badly. At least I won't know about it." At least, not for very long. At any rate, he wasn't sure Sirius' fate was any better than his own. The idea of him locked away in the dark and the cold... it was too terrible to dwell on, and he did his best to force it away.

"I want to forgive him. I'd love to say 'well, he hasn't done it yet' and go back to the way things were." James frowned across at Sirius. They were approaching the doors to the Great Hall now. "To be honest, right now I don't think I can even look at him. How can I be friends with someone who makes me think of that whenever he opens his mouth?"

"Come on," he reached up to scrub Sirius' now chaotic hair, although it somehow ended up suiting him. Bloody typical. "There must be something more cheerful to talk about."

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[info]_withoutacause
2021-03-13 09:08 pm UTC (link)
Sirius grabbed James' wrist and pulled him into a half headlock/half hug.

"It would be hard to think of something less cheerful," he agreed, then let James go. "Come on, exploring and all that."

This thing with Peter wouldn't get resolved with just one conversation anyway. The truth of the matter was that Sirius wanted to forgive him. The Marauders were his entire world, and the fact that they fell apart made it feel like something was tearing him up from the inside. If he could just hate Peter in peace everything would be a lot easier.

"Reckon we have enough people for some Quidditch yet? There's got to be brooms hidden in here somewhere. Remus reckons the RoR could make some. I'd kill to go flying, or have a proper pick up game."

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[info]_cervus_
2021-03-14 07:47 am UTC (link)
James grinned as he was pulled under Sirius' arm, wriggling away and not even attempting to flatten his hair. Some things were a lost cause, after all.

Perhaps they'd fix the Peter thing one day - he wasn't sure how, but it was possible. He supposed at least they had the luxury of time here, something which had been denyed them back home.

"That would be brilliant." Bouyed by the mention of Quidditch, James stared at Sirius as he held open the door of the Great Hall and followed him in. The ceiling was all blue sky and fluffy clouds above them.

"We should go to the Room next, see if it works. Who have we got? You, me, Harry..." he ticked them off on his fingers. "Savannah, your brother." As much as James hated Regulus, he had to admit he was a decent seeker. "I think both the Weasleys play? Thats more than enough for three a side."

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[info]_withoutacause
2021-03-14 04:41 pm UTC (link)
"At least!" Sirius agreed, getting animated again. "I bet some of the others might surprise us. That should be our next mission, once we scout these tunnels. Brooms! And balls. Then we can put the word put the word out and see who wants in! Hell, I'd settle for a school broom right now."

He felt along the wall at the back of the hall for the stone with the chipped corner. It took him a moment, but then snick, a little indentation popped open to reveal a knob. He tapped it with his wand theee times, then gave it a turn. It opened, leading the way into the dark.

"After you, m'lady." He bowed to James, gesturing towards the now open door.

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[info]_cervus_
2021-03-14 09:55 pm UTC (link)
"Thank you sir." James bobbed down in an ungainly curtsy before stepping over the threshold into the dark. He pulled a bit of a face. It smelled weird. Not that secret passageways didn't always smell weird, but this one felt like it hadn't had a real, breathing person in it for a long time.

"D'you remember that time the Headless Hunt came through here? They almost gave me a heart attack." He eyed the darkness in front of them suspiciously, half expecting a ghostly cavalry to come charging around them bend, before turning back to make sure Sirius was still behind him.

"Have you found many differences when you've been looking around?" He asked. Hogwarts could be wonky like that. For a castle, it was actually very sneaky. "We're not about to pop out at the bottom of the lake, are we?"

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[info]_withoutacause
2021-03-14 10:18 pm UTC (link)
Sirius followed James in, wrinkling his nose at the musty, empty smell.

"Oh, yeah, that was brilliant! Poor Nick just gutted about them. I wonder if they ever did let him join. Seems a right shame that they've kept him out all this time. We should ask him. Good old Nick."

Sirius let his hand trail against the wall, dislodging dust and cobwebs and who knew what else. He sneezed, shaking his head in a very dog like fashion.

"So far it's been the same. But I didn't go all the way down the Honeydukes tunnel.
We know it still comes out there, but we can double check that it still starts at the one eyed witch."

"Hey Prongs? Tell me off if you don't want to talk about it, but what did it feel like. With Lily. Being in love, I mean. "

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[info]_cervus_
2021-03-15 10:25 pm UTC (link)
James made a noise of agreement, doing his best not to breathe in too deeply in case he picked up the black lung or something. He wondered when someone had last used this tunnel. Had Harry's kids been given the map?

The question caught him by surprise. "Blimey," James said into the gloom. "Going in with the big questions today, aren't you?" He frowned. "I dunno. Its like... it's not like when I was fourteen and fancied her. I mean, I still fancy her, obviously. I'm not blind. But it's more than that - it's deeper than that. It's like... like I could be anywhere in the world doing anything, and I know it would be great if she was there. I don't have any control over anything, because all that matters is Lily being happy, and I don't even care because I get her."

It hurt a little, talking about Lily. James could go hours without thinking about it and then he'd see or hear something and it would all come rushing back. He wasn't even sure if he was saying the right things now. "Even when we drive each other mental, she's just.. the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm better when she's there."

There was a long moment of silence, then James turned to give Sirius a curious look. "Why?"

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[info]_withoutacause
2021-03-16 01:29 am UTC (link)
Sirius immediately felt bad for bringing up Lily, he knew it was a hard subject for James.

"No reason," he said, a little too quickly maybe.

The truth was he'd never felt the things James was describing. At least, not for anyone but James himself. And Remus. He felt all those things for them. But then that was just what friends were, he supposed. James was friends with Lily, after all. But he still couldn't stop thinking about his night with Kirley. How gentle he'd been, how he'd actually made sure that Sirius had a good time. It was so different from all his other experiences... But of course it wasn't love. It couldn't be. Not so fast. And Kirley would probably never want to sleep with him again. No one else had, so why should this be any different? Kirley was just a nice guy who'd taken the time to talk to Siriua, get to know him at least a little before they'd... Anyway, it didn't matter Kirley was one and done. Like everyone else. Sirius obviously just wasn't cut out for love.

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[info]_cervus_
2021-03-16 12:00 pm UTC (link)
"Liar," James shot right back. Sirius wasn't the kind to ask big 'meaning of life' type questions without a reason. Something must be playing on his mind.

They'd reached a part of the passage where you had to pull yourself up and over a few ledges, almost like giant steps. James supposed when you were headed to a tower you had to expect some climbing, although these hardly took you high enough to be anywhere near the seventh floor.

Still suspicious, James braced himself on the first ledge and hauled himself up. Merlin, that wasn't as easy as it used to be. He kept an eye on Sirius, watching him do the same. James felt slightly concerned all of a sudden. Had something happened?

Scrambling up, he reached out a hand to help haul Sirius over the final jump. "C'mon Pads, it's me. Spit it out."

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[info]_withoutacause
2021-03-16 02:58 pm UTC (link)
Sirius took a running leap at the stone step to buy himself some time. He had been aiming for a graceful vault over the edge, but landed awkwardly and ended up scrambling up like an injured cow.

"It's really nothing Prongs," he wheezed, trying to get his breath back. "Just something I've been thinking about." He reached out and mussed James' hair. "But don't worry, you just confirmed my suspicions. It's the bachelor life for me!"

Sirius didn't want to think about it too much anyway. He knew it wasnt fair, especially since he'd brought it up, but listening to James talk about Lily always made him feel out of sorts. Not that he'd ever tell his friend that. He was happy for him, obviously! He loved that James was in love. Was happy. But try as he might Lily had never fit into his "Marauders against the world" narrative. It wasn't James' fault. He couldn't control who he loved. It was just a constant reminder that their friends hadn't been enough for James. That Sirius hadn't been enough.

And why would I be? Stick with what you know Black. Love isn't for people like us.

"Come on, we're almost at the backwards hallway! Then it's just a hop and a jump to the Tower. Hope the door is still there!"

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[info]_cervus_
2021-03-16 04:13 pm UTC (link)
James half heartedly tried to duck out the way, smiling. "Nah," he said confidently. "I reckon someone will surprise you."

He'd never doubted it, not really. Sirius was his best friend, and as far as James was concerned there wasn't a better man in the world. Why wouldn't he find someone? He knew back home wasn't really conductive for that kind of stuff - James was lucky that he'd found Lily at school. But perhaps that would be a silver lining to this place.

He sensed Sirius didn't want to keep talking about it, no matter how much James wanted to convince him. Maybe he'd bring it up again later, but for now he shut up. James started walking again, quickly catching Sirius' wrist on the way past and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"Ah, my favourite." They'd rounded the corner to the next stretch, where the backwards hallway seemed to tip underneath them. "How much firewhisky do you reckon someone had before the dreamed this up?"

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[info]_withoutacause
2021-03-16 04:24 pm UTC (link)
"I used to think the Founders were insane. I still think that, but after all this I think it might be Hogwarts itself that made all of these. For someone, of just because it wanted too. Sentient Castle, as if this place couldn't get weirder!"

You had to navigate the backwards hallway carefully, hugging the walls and only looking at where you came from. If you looked forward then you would end up going back the way you came. Crazy castle.

They eventually came to the door at the end. Sirius opened it with a flourish, happy to see that the bottomless area with the jumping stones was still there.

"Here we go! Hop and a jump to the Astronomy Tower!"

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[info]_cervus_
2021-03-16 10:44 pm UTC (link)
"Knowing this place the founders will show up to breakfast tomorrow," James snorted. And it wouldn't even be the weirdest thing that had happened since he'd arrived here.

He kept close to Sirius, trying not to lose him as they felt their way awkwardly up the backwards hallway. You did have to wonder sometimes... perhaps the school just liked messing with them. Or thought people tripping over each others, and their own, feet was exceptionally funny. James was quite relieved when they reached the doorway, which Sirius flung open with no small amount of enthusiasm.

"What d'you reckon?" James suggested, peering across the empty space. "Quickest across gets first pick of the school brooms?" He shot Sirius a wide, crooked grin, then jumped out onto the first step. It wobbled a bit, but then James was always moving onto the next one.

Like Sirius said, a hop and a jump, and maybe the odd close call, and James was stood beaming on the far side. For a few moments, it was almost as if they were back at school, and the last few years had never happened.

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[info]_withoutacause
2021-03-17 03:03 pm UTC (link)
"You're on antler brain."

He took off, bounding across the room and then leaping to the first floating stone. This is all he ever wanted, really. To be risking death and possible bottomless pits with his best friend, forgetting about literally everything else. As long as he had James and Remus they could figure everything else out.

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