|Jeannie Winchester (jeanniefillion) wrote in hms_harmony,|
@ 2007-08-04 16:03:00
|Entry tags:||birthday, fan fiction, harry|
I'm sorry I'm posting this late.
I did write this for Harry's 27th birthday, and I did post in on July 31st in my LJ, I just forgot to post it here. Sorry!
Title: Dinner With Friends
Rating: PG (I guess!)
Spoilers Up To: If you haven't read DH, then don't read this. There's lots of poking fun at the crap that JK wrote in DH.
Summary: Harry and friends meet up for dinner to celebrate his 27th birthday, and discuss a certain author and the book she just released.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, and I certainly am not JK Rowling. If I was, that craptacular epilogue would never have been written, and we would all have a lovely H/Hr ending.
Harry yawned and stretched. Today was supposed to be a happy day, it was his twenty-seventh birthday after all. He never expected to live this long, and yet here he was, not only alive, but very happy. Or at least he was, before that damn book came out. He always knew that anything published about him would contain at least a few factual errors. He never thought it would be as bad as that book was. Harry had spent the week after the book was released answering many owls from friends and colleagues. Didn't they learn anything about not believing everything they read? Hadn't the lies Rita Skeeter spread in his fourth year, and the lies that the Daily Prophet spouted throughout his fifth year teach them anything? Sighing, Harry apparated to the restaurant where he was supposed to meet everyone for dinner.
Harry spotted his friends right away. The large group had been seated at a table towards the back. Harry headed over, and slid into the only available seat, between Hermione and Ginny. Looking around the table, Harry noticed his friends were still upset about the book that that... woman wrote.
"Come on, guys, it wasn't that bad. I mean, who's going to believe it anyway? Everyone knows she's full of crap." Harry said, earning a scowl from all of his dining companions.
"Easy for you to say!" Huffed Ginny as she flung her shiny red hair behind her head. "Bloody hell! She pretty much had me throw myself at you before you left the Burrow! And where was all the cool stuff I did in the DA? Gone!! She turned me into some beautiful snog machine that the main character lusted after! How in the hell did she go from that, to having us married anyway?"
Hermione snorted. "While that was pretty awful, what about me? At least she left it open for people to pretend that you may have been doing cool things at Hogwarts. She made me the crying girl, who complimented Ron way too often!"
Ron choked on the water he was drinking, and glared at Hermione. "Hey! Do you think I liked reading about how I 'wooed' you with some crappy book, or how I snogged a girl that I fight with like I do Ginny? You're practically my sister, Hermione!! I had to literally throw up after I read that stupid snog scene. Forget about that epilogue, I ripped it out and threw that into the fire!"
Harry laughed at Ron. "Well, at least she tried to give you some character growth, hell she tried to turn you in to me, mate. I on the other hand, was turned into a shallow horny teenager whose basic requirements for a girlfriend included looks, kissing skills, and not being weepy. Let's just forget the implications of the fact that said girl, looks a lot like my mum. Yeah, I really want to date a girl who looks like my mum. Oh yeah, And after I marry the 'pretty snog machine' slash clone of my mum, let's name two of our kids after my dead parents! And what was up with me telling you that crap about loving Hermione like a sister? I did laugh pretty hard at your supposed 'nightmare' vision after we opened the horcrux."
Hermione laughed. "Well, She did manage to at least get most of the events regarding the horcrux hunt and the final battle right. I don't know why she felt the need to kill off Hedwig, Fred, Remus, and Dora. None of them died! And I think it was really stupid that she changed Ron's leaving to help the DA into some jealous tantrum. Honestly, I thought she liked Ron!"
Someone cleared their throat at the end of the table. "What about me? I haven't been in the books since the fifth one. Why did she have to kill me off?"
Harry laughed and said "Don't you know, Sirius? Your death was supposed to 'inspire' Dumbledore to tell me the truth. I swear, that woman has to be high on something."
Everyone laughed, and began eating the delicious dinner that had just been brought out.
Ron turned to Luna who had been pretty quiet so far and said, "So, What did you think of the book?"
Luna laughed and said "I didn't read it. I can't imagine wanting to read anything that has an epilogue where my husband is married to one of my best friends."
Harry turned to Ginny "Speaking of friends, where's Draco?"
Ginny smiled and said "He had something to take care of. He told me to tell you to watch your hands. Just because that hack married us off, doesn't mean you get to take advantage of that." Ginny finished with a smirk and roll of her eyes.
"That husband of yours sure is a piece of work." Harry laughed.
Everyone ate, laughed, and talked well into the evening. Draco Malfoy hurried into the restaurant just as the group was having some birthday cake.
"Did it work?" Ginny asked her husband eagerly.
"Sure did!" Draco replied with a smirk on his face. "Happy birthday, Potter." Draco said as he tossed a book at Harry.
Harry caught the book, looked at the cover, and then, confused, turned to look at Draco, who had pulled up a chair next to Ginny.
"Well, We wanted Rita to pay for writing this crap about you, well, all of us. First, We had just wanted to know why she just didn't write it the way it happened, and she told us that the story needed some excitement, so she added more deaths. We tried to tell her that I married Ginny, Hermione married you, and Rona and Luna were married, but she just started blathering on about how we were all stupid for not knowing that you should be with Ginny, and Ron should be with Hermione. You can imagine how that pissed us off. I was all for offing the bitch, but Hermione came up with a plan." Draco finished as he nodded at Hermione.
Hermione smirked "Yeah, I took a page out of Rita's pathetic book, and modified her memory. I made her think she was a muggle author who had created all of these characters in her head. Draco just had to make sure that the charm we put on the first copy of the book worked on all of the copies, and it looks like it did!" Hermione finished while pointing at the book in Harry's hands.
Harry laughed as he saw that words on the cover had indeed been changed from Harry Potter: Hero or Horny Git? by Rita Skeeter to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by JK Rowling.
Ron stood up, raised his glass of wine, and said "I think this calls for a toast! First, happy birthday, Harry! Who'd of thought you'd get so old?!" Everyone chuckled as Ron continued "And also, here's to Rita's 'new' life, and to us not living in that craptacular epilogue she wrote! "
"Cheers!" Everyone said as they drank their wine.
Harry watched his friends as they celebrated, thanking God that they had all survived the war, and that they were all still together. Glancing at the book on the table, Harry smirked as he realized Rita's bizarre and very delusional dream of a 'One Big Happy Weasley Family' was just that, the delusional dream of a crazy author.
It's not the best, but that's what I get for procrastinating. I've got some ideas for some more fics, but I promise I won't rush them. ;)