I am writing you this letter because I fear for your imminent safety and life. You see, my son has been out for quite some time. He did make mention of a date that he had with you, and I do hope you both had a lovely time. It's good for him to get out and make contacts with others. I sometimes wondered if his split with Miss Parkinson hit him a little harder than he gave off.
However, he has been on his date for, hm, a week or so with you. Not to be, ah, crude with you, of course, but one night, I can understand. I would, however, like to say that it has been longer than one night and my son hasn't come home.
I do hope he hasn't killed you and eaten you. Narcissa and I have warned our son about how offensive some people may take that.
If you are, in fact, dead and rotting in the ground, you need not respond to this letter. If you are alive, I would appreciate a heads-up regarding the state of my son, lest I should get the hounds involved again in his affairs. They can be quite pricey.