Tweak

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Tweak says, "im in ur ij, rawkin"

Serafina Cardenas (sera_fina) wrote in heureuxlake,
@ 2024-05-28 20:11:00

Entry tags:

Δ complete, Δ text/email/phone/mail, Δ threads, → gael cardenas, → serafina cardenas, ∞ 2000: 05

Phone Call: Sefie calls Gael
Who: Serafina and Gael Cardenas
What: Phone Call
When: After this text exchange
Where: Respective locations
Warnings: Language
Completion Status: Complete

Having finished her last-but-one exam Fina had put her phone back on and soon been regaled by a series of texts from Ram.

"Shit," she muttered, making her way for the nearest metro stop at speed. Then she said several things in Japanese that she was glad almost nobody around her was likely to understand.

"Pick up, pick up, pick up," she muttered, holding a ringing phone to her ear.

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shorething
2024-05-28 08:28 pm UTC (link)

For once, someone other than Sefie had come into the archive, though there was still a family connection. A young cougar-shifter, friends with Gael's other sister, had come in to see the place and find some books that might be interesting. He'd chosen everything he wanted within about half an hour, and then had to wait for the next boat back to the shore. Gael had chatted to him a little, until his phone started to ring, echoing off the walls. "I'll just take this upstairs," Gael announced. "You can sit and start reading those, yeah?"

He nodded, so Gael hit the 'answer' button on his way up the spiral stairs to the next level. "Sefie? What's up? Was the exam awful?"

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	sera_fina 2024-05-28 08:40 pm UTC (link)
	Power walking towards the station, even though she'd have to stop before going underground, Sefie was still somehow surprised when Gael answered. "What? No. Well, kind of, but I managed. No that's not why I was calling." She took a breath and started again. "Hi. How are you doing?" Proper phone etiquette, as taught by Maria Cardenas, this was not. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

shorething
2024-05-28 08:46 pm UTC (link)

Gael raised an eyebrow, puzzled by the answer. "If you weren't calling to tell me about your exam, you definitely weren't calling to ask me how I'm doing," Gael pointed out, feeling confident. While Sefie might have called just to chat when he'd been living in Nebraska, these days they could do that kind of catching-up face to face. She hardly needed to phone him when she knew he was at work.

"Do you need me to bring something home from here for you?"

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	sera_fina 2024-05-28 08:58 pm UTC (link)
	"No, nothing from home," she said. There were several seconds of dead air while Serafina had a panic about what to say. "Er, you know you told me not to go overprotective before I had to?" she asked with a wince. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

shorething
2024-05-28 09:04 pm UTC (link)

Gael waited, tamping down the urge to ask if something had happened to Mama. Surely, Sefie would've let with that, if it had. And Sefie wasn't home, so it wasn't as if Marcos could have showed up looking for him, which was the only other thing Gael could even think of.

When Sefie finally did say something, Gael's frown only deepened. "I remember," he confirmed. They'd been talking about Eric, but what could Sefie possibly have found out about Eric during her exam? "'Manita, whatever it is -" He wanted to say it couldn't be that bad, or he wouldn't be mad at Sefie for it, but the words wouldn't quite come. If you'd asked him what 'the worst' that could've happened with Marcos could have been, he'd have been woefully wrong. Was it happening again?

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sera_fina
2024-05-28 09:17 pm UTC (link)

"So I got out of my exam and R-someone was asking if I knew an Eric, so I said you had a date with one. And long story short did you discuss if this was an exclusive date thing? Because it seems like he asked someone out for dinner, like a week or so before the party." She said it all rapidly so she could still manage to breathe. Blessings of selkie heritage meant better lung capacity thankfully.

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shorething
2024-05-28 09:33 pm UTC (link)

Gael's fingers briefly relaxed, the phone slipping for a second before he reflexively tightened them to keep it where it was supposed to be. He exhaled a hard breath which probably wasn't loud enough to be heard on the other end of the connection. "No," he answered softly. "I didn't think to- I just asked if he wanted to have dinner." In fact, Gael was pretty sure he'd only managed the one word of 'dinner?' and had just trusted that the rest of it was... implied. Which was stupid, but he'd never asked anyone out before he wasn't already sleeping with.

He paused at the window, gaze going out to the long sweep of lake ahead of him. "He asked someone out," he echoed, trying to wrap his mind around it. A week before the party would've been after they'd met at Sunny's. Not that he expected Eric to wait and not ask people out when Gael hadn't even known he was going to, but it still chilled the little ball of warmth he'd been carrying around since the party. "But he didn't say no." If he was interested in someone else, and not interested in Gael after all, why would he say yes? He'd kissed back, not that Gael was planning to share that detail with his sister.

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sera_fina
2024-05-28 09:49 pm UTC (link)

The tone of Gael's voice made her wince and redouble her speed towards the subway. Unfortunately as much as her breathing was covered by her heritage it had done nothing for her speed. "I don't have all the details, but whoever it was apparently said no, so he wasn't totally out of line with you." She really didn't know what Gael's wants with Eric were, but since he hadn't jumped right into bed with him it seemed likely it wasn't just a quick rebound hookup like Ram had suggested. Her own habits weren't helping her so she was having to go off what she knew from other people and convention versus the acceptability in certain supe circles - fae especially - versus what her actual brother wanted was a mystery.

"I can't work out if it was in between when you met him and the party or before," she said. "This isn't me saying you shouldn't have dinner with him, Gael, but I think you should be aware of this and maybe ask him some questions." She sucked in a deep breath. "I'm on my way home as fast as I can make it." She had been planning on heading to the library for an hour or two after a food break, but right now home seemed more important.

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shorething
2024-05-28 10:05 pm UTC (link)

Hearing that they'd said no, whoever they were, should have made it okay. Except, instead, it just anchored a worry in Gael's mind that Eric had only said yes because he couldn't date the person he actually wanted. Logically, rationally, Gael did know that lots of people dated non-exclusively for a while. Logically, rationally, he knew that didn't mean they couldn't develop real feelings for one of the people they were dating. But that was just the problem, one of the people, and inevitably not the others. Not that dating exclusively guaranteed it would go well, but at least that was the goal, was what you hoped for. Gael wasn't sure he was cut out to instead worry he'd be one of the others.

He swallowed past a tightness in his throat. "It would've been between," he answered. That was just a fact, a question he could answer, which seemed less of a mess than everything else. His eyes widened at the idea of asking Eric about any of this, head shaking automatically. If his instinct had been to avoid putting himself out there asking Eric for dinner, that instinct was much stronger where actual confrontation might be involved. "He hasn't done anything wrong." Even if he'd said yes to a date he wasn't really interested in, there was no moral compromise there.

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sera_fina
2024-05-28 10:30 pm UTC (link)

"Madre de Dios!" she exclaimed. Despite the fact she'd just come from a Japanese exam the Spanish oaths came so much easier when she was talking to family.

She accidentally knocked into someone as she wove through the slower walkers on her way to the better stop. "Sorry!" she called over her shoulder.

"Watch it, bitch," she got spat back a her.

She swung around and took several steps backwards. "Go fuck yourself, pendejo," she called, and flipped off the annoyingly normal looking guy in question. She swung back again, her messenger bag flying, and narrowly missed a woman coming her way. Thankfully she flashed Fina a smile that seemed like solidarity, which Fina gratefully returned.

"Sorry, manito, city streets and dickheads who don't accept apologies," she said as she refocused on her brother, who she might have accidentally yelled down the phone at.

Her thoughts had been swirling as she'd been navigating and came quite readily. "Even if you're technically correct. And I do mean technically there," she emphasised. "I think he should have made it clear he was either dating other people or checked you were meaning something casual, or something!" Her knowledge of poly relationships was limited, but she knew words were important, the intricacies and specific meanings of them. Implications and omissions.

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shorething
2024-05-28 10:47 pm UTC (link)

For a disorienting moment, Gael thought the anger was directed at him, for having been stupid enough not to clarify at the time, or for having let himself imagine not just the upcoming date, but future dates, based on nothing at all but the fact that Eric had agreed to dinner. It wouldn't be undeserved, but Fina knew he hadn't done this before. He had to be allowed some kind of learning curve. (A thought which generated a gnawing in the pit of his stomach at the sudden vision of a future where he'd have to try again.)

Sefie's apology brought him back, understanding that it had been whoever was around her she was cursing at. "It's fine," he said automatically. "Not the dickheads, obviously."

He turned, leaning his back against the shelves of books and trapping the phone between his shoulder and his ear so he could run a hand over his face. "Okay," he agreed, "but whatever he assumed, I clearly assumed the opposite." They were both equally in the wrong, though Gael couldn't completely help feeling it was a little more his fault. He was the one with expectations, and ones he could see weren't based in very much except his own physical and emotional response. A physical and emotional response Eric might not share, it seemed.

If their assumptions weren't compatible... "I can't ask him not to date other people."

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sera_fina
2024-05-28 11:09 pm UTC (link)

Yep, definitely yelled at Gael there, shit, she thought.

"No, the dickheads are indeed not fine," she agreed darkly.

She sighed. "There's that saying about assumptions, 'manito and it's not totally wrong. It ain't everything, but it's not totally wrong," she said, voice softer once more. She could only imagine the level of analysis Gael was doing right now, and it hurt her heart.

"But you can. Or you should if it's not something you're okay with," she said. "You don't have to go along with him because he agreed to a date and that's what he wants. You get to have a say." She felt like she was speaking to both of them when she said it. The reminder that she got to decide for herself what was right for her in a relationship, or lack of one.

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shorething
2024-05-28 11:27 pm UTC (link)

Gael wasn't sure Sefie had understood what he'd been trying to say, so he took in a steadying breath and tried again. "Exactly. We both assumed. His assumptions aren't worse than mine because his -" hurt. Gael's assumptions would probably hurt Eric too, if he knew about them. Or at least freak him out. "I'm the one that asked. I should have been clear." Except Gael didn't even know how you did that, ask someone to date only you before they even knew anything about you. Maybe dating friends was the solution after all, though it hadn't gone even worse for him than this was going.

Thinking of Marcos, he felt an uncomfortable prickle of heat in his chest as he remembered laying it all out for Eric; telling him how recent it was and how long they'd been together, how vulnerable he'd made himself to someone who wasn't even interested exclusively in him. "Mierda, I'm so stupid." The corners of his vision were starting to go misty, and he blinked hard, glad Sefie could only hear and not see him right now. "I gave him every reason to say no." It was about as uncasual as it was possible to get.

"I'm not-" Apparently, Sefie, too, had enough perception to make Gael feel exposed sometimes, because he knew he did 'go along with' a lot. He'd made an effort not to, this time, for all the good that had done. "I'm not saying I shouldn't have a say," he clarified. "I'm saying... me not being okay with it doesn't change the fact that he wants to." And if he wanted to, would him agreeing not to (even assuming he'd agree to such a thing) change anything?

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sera_fina
2024-05-28 11:53 pm UTC (link)

She didn't think it would be helpful to point out that if she had Eric's number she'd probably have been talking to him at some point as well. "Okay, you both assumed. So you need to clear up the assumptions," she said, trying to guide him. "Sometimes people think things are obvious because to their life experience it is," she said. "But that's not the same life experience everyone else has. Selkies being matriarchal, for example, same for the fae courts, but the majority of other people don't have that experience." She sighed. "So if you weren't obvious that's okay. You've got the chance to clear things up before anything else happens."

Her heart sunk at his words, protective instincts wanting to surround him in a layer of blubber and the freedom of the ocean away from men who would cause him harm. "You aren't stupid," she said firmly. "But can you explain that one to me? What reasons would you give him?"

She nodded, glad Gael could see he got to have his own voice here too. "Okay, that might be true," she agreed. "But, and this is important," she'd almost said 'a big but' but that honestly sounded too much like a joke right now, "You don't have to change for each other, but you really should be dating on principles you both agree to. Or that's cheating." That one had come from someone she knew at a Supe rights group, although about a rather different point it still applied. Or Sefie thought so.

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shorething
2024-05-29 12:17 am UTC (link)

"I know." Obviously, they needed to clear it up somehow. Gael just couldn't imagine clearing it up by asking Eric to buy into the way he'd been feeling about it. Not if Eric didn't feel that way already. The obvious thing, he supposed, would've been to try to feel less, himself. To recognise that it was all too new for the kind of hopes he'd been building. He wasn't sure how to do that, either, but maybe he could learn? "The assumptions felt really good," he breathed. Right now, reality felt far less appealing.

He pressed the heel of his head into the corner of each eye in turn. "About Marcos, how recent it was and that it was a long relationship. Also about living with Mama, not actually having my own place to invite him to dinner in." He'd called them his red flags, but maybe he'd been wrong about that. Maybe the red flag was actually how... eager he'd been for it to mean more than it did. "I didn't want him to agree not knowing that it might be too soon," he explained. "So I just told him all of it in one go." His teeth caught the inside of his cheek, and he winced. "What if he said yes because he felt bad for me?"

There was still a part of Gael that didn't want Eric to change, though he could see now that maybe it was the version of Eric he'd built up in his head. The one that had been having similar thoughts about where this was going. "And if we can't date on principles we both agree to, I should bow out and let him date - other people." Yeah, Gael knew that, it just also sucked.

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sera_fina
2024-05-29 12:50 am UTC (link)

She had reached the entrance to the subway now and instead of going down to where it could be crowded and she might lose signal she tucked herself against the side of the nearest building so they could finish their conversation. His admission made her heart ache for him. "I know, 'manito," she said as quietly as she dared so she could still be heard. "Reality can be a bitch and we don't always want to live there," she said, "But unfortunately we probably have to." She had daydreams that she wished were real, elaborate situations that she had dreamed up that made the bump into reality into a pain that was almost physical.

Glaring at someone who looked set to approach her she made sure the irritation didn't carry into her voice. "I didn't realise that's what you meant when you said you felt seen," she said. "And I don't think it's necessarily bad that you told him. It was honest and self-aware, knowing you'd been through something that might put someone off." She sucked in a sharp breath and tried not to growl. It wasn't really a selkie trait but there was a certain benefit of linguistics in that you learned how the voice made a lot of different sounds. "Then you might need me to not ever meet him," she said quietly. "Because that sounds like a dick move."

"I know it sucks and it hurts 'manito, but if you can't agree then it's only going to hurt you more down the line. Especially if you know it's not right for you from the start and you shove it down," she said, the truth of experience tingeing her words. "It's a sucky way to say yes, but yes." She almost wished she'd waited until she got home so she could hug him and drag him out into the water to swim it out, but she couldn't have stood the additional time where she wasn't protecting he brother.

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shorething
2024-05-29 01:09 am UTC (link)

Her words squeezed a hollow laugh from him, because they were so very painfully true. He'd thought that way he'd been feeling had been reality starting to feel good again, after four months of preferring something else. Actually, he'd just slotted in a different version of unreality. "I probably have to live there," he agreed, "unless I go seal form full time." It was a weak joke, one that selkies made whenever human life got particularly annoying. But at least it was a joke.

"Not bad," Gael agreed. He still thought he'd been right, that Eric ought to be given the information to make an informed decision. "Just it wasn't very casual, if that's all he's looking for." But Eric was far from stupid, and he had made Gael feel seen. Could he really have thought what Gael was suggesting was something casual? Or had he agreed, knowing that it wasn't? Gael's brain felt like it needed wringing out as he tried to process all the different possibilities. "An understandable dick move. Don't kick someone when they're down, right?"

Fina was right, it was better that it hurt now than that it hurt later, and hurt worse. Even so, Gael would've preferred if it hadn't had to hurt at all. The version in his head ha been so pain-free and wonderful. "I guess feeling hopeful at all is progress, right? Even if it turns out I was being unrealistic?" Certainly, in January, it had been hard to even imagine hoping for a new first date. "I don't know how the hell I'm going to bring this up to him."

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sera_fina
2024-05-29 07:25 pm UTC (link)

She didn't laugh very hard at the full-time seal joke, but it was there. The other form was such a beautiful release from responsibilities and heavy thoughts, but it was the nature of most selkies to want both the freedom of the water and the choice to do what they wanted on land. "Don't we all have that feeling from time to time?" she said rhetorically. She could see how he might feel like that right now, especially if this resolved for the worse.

"I mean did you tell him before or after you started flirting? Because if you met in a casual situation where sharing was a thing that's not so weird." She scrubbed a hand across her face as it scrunched up. She tried to puzzle out the situation to a reasonable thought that was still encouraging to Gael. "On the one hand that might be true, but you also don't say yes to something that could pretty obviously hurt someone. There are gentle ways to say no. Because I'm not sure what about 'I just got out of a, what? seven year relationship with someone I thought was my best friend' also says 'I'm into casual' hmm?" she asked.

Even though he couldn't see it her smile was rueful. That combination of happy and sad, happy and worried. "Yeah, I'd say it is," she said with a little quiet pride in her brother's rapid growth. "Iiii suspect you don't want actual advice from me on that one, because I'd be starting angry," she said. "Maybe choose in person, voice, or text. Whichever you want?" she suggested.

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shorething
2024-05-29 08:09 pm UTC (link)

"Yeah," Gael confirmed, because he was sure everyone, selkie or not, had that feeling from time to time. "I don't know how humans do it," he admitted. It had been bad enough being in Nebraska, where being in seal form had never felt quite right, but not having that escape at all? Gael shuddered against the bookshelves. He could already tell that, no matter how his conversation with Eric ended up going, he'd that tonight.

Trying to hold the events clear in his mind, Gael gave a small shrug, even though Sefie couldn't see it. "Bit of both? When I mentioned moving back because my boyfriend wasn't my boyfriend anymore is when he called me on flirting with him." Which had also been when Gael realised what he was doing. "But I didn't tell him how recent it was or how long we'd been together until after I offered to cook." She had a point, maybe, but Gael made a frustrated noise of protest. "Don't some people who get out of long relationships look for something exactly casual because they're not ready for another serious thing?" He'd definitely had friends who slept around aggressively after getting out of a relationship. So he was no closer to knowing which Eric might have seen, or thought he'd seen.

The longer they talked, the more obvious it became he needed to talk to Eric. Even if he still had no idea how he was going to explain where any of this was coming from, because how was he supposed to explain 'my sister heard you asked someone out but they said no and maybe that's a problem' without sounding like a lunatic? "I'm stuck here for another half hour at least, until the boat comes, so it's going to have to be call or text." Which would be better? Maybe text, because talking to Eric tended to result in Gael doing and saying things he hadn't been aware he intended. "I'll... think of something." Sefie was right, he didn't want to start angry, and thus her advice might not be that helpful.

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sera_fina
2024-05-30 01:17 am UTC (link)

"Me either, but we've never known different," she agreed. Her seal skin was freedom, even if she always made sure to house it securely. On the worst of human days she could get such solace from even a short time swimming as a seal.

She nodded, waving her unseen empty hand around to gesture 'half and half' and made a little agreeing noise. "Okay, he had time to politely back down, so the situation didn't put him off," she said. When he made his point she could only groan. "Yeah, okay, sometimes they do that. I'm just working with extra years of knowing you and I don't think you're running into the bed of the next hot guy you see," she relented. If she'd had to guess she would also have expected Gael to wait longer before trying dating again, but that wasn't her place to say."

"No skin?" she asked, "Or do you have people in?" Closing early wouldn't make him their mom's favourite person, but worse things had happened than the archive closing early. "Doesn't matter," she said, deciding she didn't care about the lighthouse right now. "You pick. I'm at the subway so I'll be an hour and a half or so until I get home. You can text me whenever, once I'm at Grand Central it'll come through again. If you need anything too." Her tone was firm, she wanted him to call on her if he needed it. She started getting ready to wade into the masses again, wanting to be home as quickly as possible.

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shorething
2024-05-30 09:30 am UTC (link)

Gael hummed. Sefie was right, and he supposed humans had other things they could do to escape, but all of those were open to them as selkies, too. They got everything human plus, and maybe he needed to remember to be a little more grateful for that.

"It didn't put him off," Gael agreed, remembering Eric leaning in and telling him that there hadn't been much in Gael's list to change his mind. Her point about him not running into Eric's bed brought a slightly guilty flush which Gael was grateful was doubly invisible by virtue of their locations an his skin colour. He'd decided, sometime since the party, that if Eric wanted to jump into bed after dinner, Gael almost certainly would. Was that running? It didn't matter; even if he and Eric decided to date only each other, this conversation changed that conviction. He'd come too close already to seeing how much it could hurt if he rushed into sex and then things fell apart.

Moving from the window, Gael headed back towards the stairs which would take him down to his customer. "I do occasionally get people in who aren't you." He'd been aiming for teasing, but the tone didn't quite land. "There's someone here, so I need to wait for the boat with him." Which meant maybe he and Eric should hash this out via text. Gael didn't need his kid sister's friend getting an earful of his dating life drama. Anymore than he already had. "I'll see you after, however this goes," he promised.

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RP: Evening

shorething
2024-05-29 03:43 pm UTC (link)

After this.

Gael hadn't quite made it home after the boat dropped him off on the lake shore. He had ingredients waiting, had been planning to try bringing together two dishes he liked to see what he could make of them, probably would have served up enough for Maria and his little sister, too. As of about half an hour after Sefie's phone call, the thought of cooking held no appeal, and Gael was sure any dish he made tonight would be one he wouldn't want to revisit.

Instead of heading landward to the house, he walked a little further around the lake, until he found a quiet spot. He stripped off, folding his phone and clothes into a bundle he could push down behind a tree. Wrapping himself in his sealskin, he sank into the water, doing his best to forget human things like paramedics and dating and wanting to see where things went. Seals didn't want to see, they just went and found out.

Time mattered less in this shape, so he chased Heureaux Lake's population of fish until his belly was full, then angled himself towards the shallows to change back. He dressed slowly, briefly checking his phone in case, somehow, his time in the water had fixed things, but knowing it wouldn't have done. Still not ready to go home, he spread out his sealskin and sat on top of it, on the very edge of the lake. He drew his knees up to his chest, wrapping both arms around them and resting his chin on top as he stared out over the water, trying to remind himself that it was good to be home.

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Re: RP: Evening

sera_fina
2024-05-30 10:27 pm UTC (link)

It had taken even longer than the predicted hour and a half for Serafina to get home again, and by that time she was even more stressed because she hadn't heard from Gael. Stopping into her annex she dumped her bag just through the door and tried texting him. Getting no immediate answer she went to the main house and, thankfully, found their sister who confirmed Gael hadn't been home that she had seen.

She cried off the attempt to bring her in, given how rare it was she called in without being invited, and headed back for the annex. The only place she could imagine Gael would be was the lake. She grabbed her own sealskin from the locked closet by the door and headed for the lake.

"Gael?" she called once she got closer. It wouldn't work if he was too far away, but it was worth a try. She also started looking around for her errant brother between the lake and the shore. She knew this part of lake's edge fairly well and thought she saw an unexpected dark shape in one direction and set off towards it. "Gael?" she called again. If anyone in the area cared about her being loud they could take it up with her later.

He wasn't all that far, and she quickly realised that he didn't look like he'd had good news. She sighed heavily, heart leaping out towards him. As if she'd be able to swallow his pain. "Hey," she called gently, not wanting to startle him. As if her earlier calls hadn't carried.

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RP: Evening

shorething
2024-05-30 10:53 pm UTC (link)

At least one of the calls of his name must've penetrated Gael's thoughts, because he'd already turned his head in Sefie's direction before her 'Hey'. He didn't get up, but he did shuffle closer to the edge of his sealskin, so that she could sit down actually next to him without breaking the selkie taboo of touching one that didn't belong to you. He waited until she'd made herself comfortable, or as comfortable on the ground as it was possible to be. She didn't need to ask, he could see the half-answered question in her face clearly enough.

"It's over," he said simply, leaning forward so that his arms stretched along the length of his shins, instead of wrapping around the middle of them. "He's... considerate, and open, and good." Nothing in the messages they'd exchanged had changed that opinion, which only made them worse, somehow, letting Gael know exactly what he was giving up. "But he's also seeing other people." Or wanted to, or both. The details, of whether it was Jani, or just Jani, or Jani and others, didn't really matter.

Rationally, Gael knew that what Sefie had said earlier was right: if they couldn't date on principles they both agreed to, then it was better not to try. In his heart, though, he wondered if he was making a huge mistake. "Am I being stupid? Should I have tried to be okay with that?" Eric hadn't really given him the chance, another point in his favour, because it would probably make Gael miserable.

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Re: RP: Evening

sera_fina
2024-05-31 01:22 am UTC (link)

She set down her own skin next to his, leaving a tiny gap with the ease of years of practice and sat close enough that they could probably bridge the gap and lean against each other if they wanted.

"Oh, hermanito," she said, hand coming to her chest and scrunching into her top over her heart as she sighed loudly. Her face had crumpled before she even sat down and she didn't make an attempt at making it look pretty or pleasant. "I'm sorry it didn't work out how you wanted," she said. She wasn't feeling the urge to be generous to Eric right now, especially because she could see the perspective that because he hadn't been outright cruel or malicious to Gael that her brother might hurt more.

He was clearly hurting so much and she didn't quite know what to do for the best. "I don't think you're being stupid," she said softly. "If you tried, and if you got invested in him, only you find that you couldn't stand hearing other people's names, or him saying he had a date with someone else, realising you definitely wanted him to yourself. I think it would have hurt you more." It was a logical response, and she didn't know if logic was what he needed right now. Or wanted. "Do you want answers and solutions and such, or do you just want to tell me about it? I'll do my best to do whatever you think is most helpful." She reached out a hand and gripped his shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze.

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RP: Evening

shorething
2024-05-31 09:07 am UTC (link)

Sefie's logic was exactly what Gael needed to hear, even if it didn't made the sadness weighing him down any less heavy. She was right, he knew that. No matter how he'd tried, he wouldn't have been able to casually accept that Eric was seeing other people too. "I'd always have been waiting for him to make a decision, to either choose me or not." He wasn't sure how anyone could be happy under those circumstances, but apparently some people could. "Anyway, he wouldn't ask me to be in a relationship if he was the only one dating other people." And Gael couldn't imagine wanting to date anyone else. Right now he couldn't imagine dating anyone else ever, but that would fade.

He leaned into the hand on his shoulder, his vision misting. Gael hadn't been raised with 'boys don't cry' messages, and he knew he'd feel better after. He hadn't been able to get there on his own, but it wouldn't take much. "Answers and solutions and logic seem to be helping." Maybe he should also just tell Sefie all about it? "We're going to be friends." And, thinking of Marcos, he felt the need to clarify, "Just friends. He... I made him tell me not to hold out hope it might become more." Squashing the hope as small as possible really had been as necessary as it was painful.

"I don't really know why he wants that," he admitted. He knew why he wanted it, because having Eric in his life was better than not, no matter how it hurt. "Why bother getting to know me better if it's not going to go anywhere?" Maybe it had just been a polite thing to say. Gael definitely had friends who'd heard variations on 'I don't want to keep dating you, but let's be friends' only to never hear from the person again.

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Re: RP: Evening

sera_fina
2024-05-31 07:26 pm UTC (link)

Seeing Gael in pain was horrible. She was back to wanting to at the very least remonstrate with the people who had hurt him. At least it appeared that Eric's hurt had been somewhat inadvertent. She hummed in agreement, Gael probably wouldn't be able to get that moment of choice out of his mind, and she imagined she might be the same. "You know I'm not an expert, but he might have been okay with that. People are okay with all sorts of things that don't make sense to me, like touching strangers' clothes. But if you weren't okay with it it wasn't worth it," she said. "That's what matters."

Sefie wasn't surprised to see Gael cry, frankly it was more than warranted and she put her arm around his shoulders to hug him close. The angle was a bit awkward because of the sealskin taboo, but she had done this before albeit not for a long time with Gael. "I'll do my best then," she said squeezing his shoulder gently. She nodded gently and swallowed, not wanting to crush him. "Are you sure you're prepared to be his friend right now? I'm not saying never do it if he actually is a good guy as he appears, but are you ready to try that now? Right after you've built up the hopes of dating him?" She winced at how it sounded. "I'm not trying to be cruel, just asking the question," she asked.

She sighed, she wasn't totally clear on that either. "Well I'm not sure, but you are awesome," she said. "Like, actually good person and friend if your being a brother skills are anything to go by," she said reasonably. "I mean we can't guarantee it will actually turn out to be a thing he does," she pointed out. "But if he liked you before the flirting and the potential dating..." She shrugged. She wasn't really sure that advising him to pursue a friendship with Eric was a good idea, but he needed to decide for himself. She, and maybe some other friends, could help clear up the pieces if it went wrong.

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RP: Evening

shorething
2024-05-31 11:21 pm UTC (link)

For a moment, Gael wasn't sure what Sefie meant by 'he might have been okay with that'. It took him replaying his own comment in his head to realise how it had sounded. "No," he corrected, trying to find a better way. "I didn't mean 'I know he wouldn't ask me that'. He literally said he wouldn't ask me to be with him if he was the only one dating other people." The words were lodged in Gael's memory as the beginning of the end, and there hadn't been much left to say after that. "It was the right thing for him to do." Which didn't make it hurt less. "Part of me wishes he had asked. At least it would mean he wanted a relationship with me. Or that he had asked me to hold on and wait. That he'd wanted me enough to be less... noble." He thought briefly of Marcos, of all the things he'd asked of Gael which Gael had taken to be signs of love. Eric was a very, very different man, but in the end, neither of them had cared for him as much as he had cared for them, and that thought made a sob catch in his throat.

He turned into Sefie's arm around his shoulders, hiding his face against her sleeve and letting the tears come. He needed them, needed the relief of crying it out, even as it felt like every breath tore at his throat. "Why-" It was a question Sefie couldn't possibly answer, not with all the solutions and logic in the world. Nonetheless, Gael made himself ask it. "Why do I care so much more than guys care for me?" And how did he stop? Except that Gael didn't truly want to stop. Loving someone, caring about someone, felt so incredible. He didn't want to become a person who couldn't.

His laugh at the question of whether he was prepared to be Eric's friend was distinctly watery. "No." It wasn't cruel, not when 'can we do that as friends?' had probably stung more than anything else, and Gael knew it. "I said I'd change our date into dinner in a few weeks. A group dinner." Spending time with Eric alone was clearly a terrible plan. "I might be ready by then?" If not, he could push the dinner back further. Eric would probably guess why.

It was hardly as if Gael thought himself a bad friend, but some mental block was getting in the way of that making sense as an answer. "We don't know if it will be a thing he turns out to actually do," he agreed, frowning. "But if he didn't want to, he could've said what you just did, about me not being ready. It would've been kind." So then Eric must actually want to, and Gael really didn't get it. "What did I do that proved I was worth keeping around as a friend, but not worth dating?"

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Re: RP: Evening

sera_fina
2024-06-01 03:30 pm UTC (link)

As Gael explained Sefie's heart broke for him. It really did seem like Eric was a good man, or at least one who had his heart in the right place. Alas it just wasn't the right place for Gael. "Oh, brother of mine he really does seem annoyingly good. But not for you," she said. "You don't want him to be less noble," she said gently. "The noble is maybe what you saw in him, or part of it, and you don't want him to say 'I like the idea of this person enough to hurt them', because that's no way to live. Especially when you're the one being hurt," she said.

She gathered her arms around her distraught brother as best she could, eventually just having to give in and be a bit less cautious with the sealskin taboos and leaning across the gap. "I don't know, manito, I don't know," she said, rubbing his back. "Maybe you just haven't found the right one yet." It was a sentiment that was somehow both awful because people didn't need someone else to be complete, but also comforting because she was sure there were other people out there who felt as deeply about potential partners as Gael seemed to. And some of them were likely compatible with him. Although how long it might take him to find one she had no idea.

"We'll find you some people to make up a group, hmm? Whenever you choose," she said. If he wasn't ready she could nudge him into pushing the date on again. "No use rushing if it's going to hurt you more."

She winced, knowing Gael couldn't see her from the angle she had him gathered up, but his words were like knives to her ribs and guts. So heartfelt, and striking just where it might hurt the most. "I don't think you did anything. It's not about worth," she said. "It's about the fact you trying to date was going to result in pain. From what I gather it's a better idea if you actually like the person you're dating and not just because you want to sleep with them." She shrugged, not really being the person to ask for concrete dating advice. Or the person to be sure she was interpreting Gael's words and actions correctly.

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RP: Evening

shorething
2024-06-01 05:03 pm UTC (link)

"Not for me." Eric had done everything right, which meant the only alternative thought was that Gael was the problem. He didn't really believe that. Maybe, if he'd had more distance from Marcos, he might have tried to understand that wanting to date other people too still included wanting to date him, but right now the rejection after seven years was still too fresh. "I don't want him to be different; I just want him as more than a friend, and I can't have that."

When Sefie leaned closer, Gael shifted to make room, implicitly inviting her to disregard the taboo for the moment, before leaning back in. He made a hollow noise of protest at the idea he hadn't found the right one. "Hard to imagine," he muttered, "unless there's a version of Eric somewhere in town who likes dating one person at a time." He knew it was only temporary, that eventually he would remember that Eric was not, in fact, the only good man in the area. He just couldn't quite believe it today.

He nodded. New friends, at least, he could imagine making. "Astrid from the party might come, if I ask her." And if he warned her that the guy he'd been wanting the night he talked to her hadn't worked out. "And meeting new people for the next few weeks can be... a project." A distraction. This time, at least, he felt confident he wouldn't accidentally flirt with anyone for at least a while.

"It's not about worth," he echoed. Some part of him understood that, but another part couldn't wrap his mind around it fully. "I know that in here-" He lifted a hand to tap his head. It was about nothing, truly, more than that Eric favoured dating multiple people and Gael didn't. "Just not in here-" He moved to tap his chest, where it still felt like if only Eric had liked him more, he would've made a different decision.

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Re: RP: Evening

sera_fina
2024-06-02 12:39 am UTC (link)

The defeat in Gael's demeanour continued to be heart-breaking and Sefie just sighed and rubbed his back. "I know," she said soothingly. "I know." She had no more words of wisdom there, just sympathy.

"I mean I don't know one," she admitted. "But I spend most of my time studying or working in a bar so I'm not exactly a social butterfly," she said. "We might just be on never say never and remembering I'm not being a bitch, just unable to currently help," she said, giving him a slightly wonky smile.

She smiled, glad he was already making new connections. "Well that's good. One friend down, however many more to make. Dinner parties probably mean at least six people, I guess," she said. She could hear the actual meaning of project in his voice, but she honestly approved because if he was out looking for friends he might be helping himself more than he intended in the process. She honestly didn't think it would be bad if people decided to flirt with him a little, just to dull the shine of Eric in his mind. Even if it went nowhere.

The little nod of understanding she gave was universal. "Pesky human side where the heart takes time to catch up with logic," she joked feebly. Sometimes you didn't want the heart to catch up to logic, but it really felt like it would be helpful in this case. "Are you swum out or you wanna go for another dip with me?" she asked, tilting her head towards the lake.

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RP: Evening

shorething
2024-06-02 08:46 am UTC (link)

The sound he made was almost a chuckle, the idea that Fina might've just happened to know an Eric clone amusing enough to bring it forth. "Probably not a good idea, anyway." It didn't sound very fair to the Eric-a-like. Gael supposed that, instead, he should hope he might eventually meet someone who was equally impressive, but in different ways. It was too hard to even conceive of right now, though. "I wouldn't want someone to date me because I was just like their... whatever." Ex wasn't the right word, really, he and Eric hadn't actually been anything. Pulling back from the hug, he gave Sefie a disbelieving look. "You're being the complete opposite of a bitch." She was here with him, holding him, comforting him.

"Three more, then. Two, if Astrid brings her... friend." She'd insisted they were just friends, even though it had seemed to Gael like she felt more than that. "I'd invite you, but-" Frankly, putting Sefie and Eric in a room together seemed even less like a good idea now than it had when Gael had merely been worried Eric might be attracted to her. Even though Eric had done everything right, asking Sefie to be there to watch that felt unwise. Though, if worst came to worst and Gael couldn't make any other friends, maybe Sefie and Ram could be his backup options.

He hummed, not really committing one way or the other. Even though he knew he needed to, letting go of the version of Eric in his heart still felt like a loss. "I'm never too swum out to swim with you," he answered. His earlier joke, that he'd just spend all his time in seal form, was a little too close to feeling true, but it was so much easier not to feel sad when his human heart wasn't so full.

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Re: RP: Evening

sera_fina
2024-06-02 02:44 pm UTC (link)

Rolling her eyes Sefie shook her head. "I wasn't meaning an actual clone, you dork. Just someone with similar traits that you might also want!" The idea of an Eric clone who wanted Gael in the same way that Gael wanted him was faintly entertaining but deeply unrealistic. "Glad to hear it," she said. "Not everyone likes it when I get too direct." She knew that Gael was more than used to her being assertive, but it was still something people had a tendency to dislike in wider society.

She thought briefly of what she was feeling for Eric right now, and what she might be feeling in the future and almost let her anger flash onto her face. "You know, I'd be offended, but that seems sensible," she admitted.

"Time for a swim then, if you've let it all out for now," she said sagely. Honestly it was a common selkie response to a problem: swim it out for a bit where you didn't have to think too so hard and either you get the relief or maybe the answer might come down the line. Plus the water was pretty much always welcome when you mostly lived on land.

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RP: Evening

shorething
2024-06-02 06:05 pm UTC (link)

He'd known Sefie didn't mean an actual clone, even if that was what Gael would've chosen for himself right now. "I'll get there," he promised, believing it rationally, if not emotionally. "Just... not tonight." Tonight he was back in the space where other attractive men simply didn't register. "It took me four months after Marcos. It can't take me that long after, what, a week?" Even if you counted from the day he'd met Eric, it had been under a month. That felt hard to believe all on its own, and maybe should've been a sign that Gael needed to invest less intensely and less fast.

Nothing Sefie had said had even really registered as particularly direct, so Gael shrugged. "Maybe I'm immune. We were both raised by Mama." Primarily, anyway. Omar had helped some with both of them before Sefie had left. He smiled at the easy way she accepted his reasons for not inviting her. "I'll have another dinner party for you," he promised. "With only guests you won't secretly feel like you need to protect me from." His smile wavered, because he'd been wrong. He had needed Sefie to protect him from Eric. Literally, she'd had to call with the information that had led to this. "Next time you try to tell me I might need your protection, I'll try to actually listen."

With that, because the emotions felt like they were swirling back into his chest from where he'd mostly buried them as they'd been talking, he gave Sefie one last hug before clambering to his feet. "Let's go swim, then."

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