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Gael Cardenas ([info]shorething) wrote in [info]heureuxlake,
@ 2024-05-24 12:37:00

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Entry tags:Δ complete, Δ threads, → gael cardenas, → serafina cardenas, ∞ 2000: 05

RP: Selkie Siblings
Who: Serafina & Gael Cardenas.
What: Talking about boys. Potentially being called an idiot.
When: Friday 24th May, afternoon.
Where: Cardenas garden.
Warnings: None yet.
Completion Status: Complete.

For the third or fourth time since breakfast, Gael's fingers strayed towards his phone, only for him to redirect towards the folder of recipes he'd collected during the summer before college. Usually, after a big party like last night, he'd have been relishing the peace and quiet of a day to himself. Even puttering vaguely around the archive would've been a pleasant enough way to refuel. He tried to tell himself it was the lack of alcohol, or that despite the crowds he'd mostly stuck to one-on-one conversations, but he wasn't really very convincing. Whatever (whoever) the reason, energy bubbled under the surface, needing somewhere to go. Neither the phone nor the folder of recipes really seemed like the right outlet, if only because both made Gael feel more like a 16-year-old than the supposedly more mature 24 years he'd actually attained. Remembering what he'd talked about with Astrid, Gael decided to take full advantage of being home and squeeze in a swim before he had to return to the lighthouse.

Rather than head upstairs for his sealskin, he just grabbed the pair of swimming trunks he kept in his work bag and changed in the downstairs bathroom. The weather was pleasant, sun just enough to warm Gael's chest as he stepped outside, deliberately leaving his phone on the kitchen counter. Maybe if he didn't take it back to work with him, he'd be more able to focus on literally anything else. He was about to head down to the lake when he heard what was definitely a human murmur coming from behind the big bush that absorbed most of the garden's sunlight. "Mama?" He peeped around the border and found not Maria Cardenas, but Sefie, either asleep or very close to it stretched out on a sunlounger.

He'd have left her to it, except that his call must've roused her, because she turned her face towards him and blinked her eyes open. "Sorry," he offered, grinning. "I didn't know it was you or I'd have let you sleep." As promised, Sefie had definitely been a little worse for wear when Gael had driven her home last night, she probably needed the rest.



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[info]sera_fina
2024-05-24 01:57 pm UTC (link)
Serafina had absolutely loved Ram's party, but given she had to be up to get the early train into the city for a study session she had maybe loved the cocktails a little too much. And the decision not to take any opportunity to duck out early. Her morning had been characterised by a large coffee and difficulty focussing on exactly which language she should be using when the answer wasn't English. Then she had decided that all plans for using the library in the afternoon should go and instead she took the train back home, calling at one of the cafes downtown for takeout lunch.

Lunch had been lovely and her decision to sit and revise in the sun seemed like an excellent one. She had ditched her dress in favour of an oversized t-shirt that slipped off her shoulder regularly and a blanket in case she got cold. She decanted herself and her papers to the sun trap by the bush, using the lounger that often resided there. And then had promptly started to drift in and out of a doze for the next hour or more. Eventually the pull of sleep was too much. Her legs and feet had been curled under the blanket for a while and she eventually let herself drift off, the book she had been holding thudding slightly over the edge of the lounger. The murmur of protest she made was vague.

The voice however startled her back awake and she blinked blearily as Gael came around the corner. She gave a complaining half growl in her throat, nothing like a wolf might give, just a slightly grumpy Selkie in human form. She forced her drooping eyes to open a bit more and eyed him. "Thanks for the lift home. Pretty sure I didn't say that." Then she stretched in a very non posed way, trying to rouse herself and pulling weird faces in the process.

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[info]shorething
2024-05-24 03:10 pm UTC (link)
Gael waved away the thanks, coming the rest of the way around the corner and spotting Sefie's dropped book. "You're welcome. Just don't get too used to the chauffeur service, I may actually want to drink at the next one." Maybe not, considering how well the not drinking had gone, because Gael really wouldn't have changed a minute of it. He picked up the book, perching on the bit of the sunlounger that Sefie's legs weren't currently occupying and holding it in his lap to give back to her before he left.

Despite her sleepiness, he didn't want to go. He needed to tell someone, and his options were pretty limited. "I, uh." He stopped, not sure just blurting out 'I have a date' was the best plan. Especially when last Sefie had heard, she was still waiting for Gael to move on to anger at Marcos. This was a bit more 'moving on' than she might be prepared for. "Actually, I have thanks to pass on to you too, for encouraging me to go."

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[info]sera_fina
2024-05-24 03:39 pm UTC (link)
She waved off his warning about future parties easily. "Nah, that's okay. There's always a taxi. Or sleeping on the sofa as a last resort," she said. Certainly things she had done before after parties. Once her stretch was finished she pushed herself slightly more upright and crossed her legs, just in time for Gael to come and perch.

She could see there was something on his mind. She might not have had much time with Gael in the last decade or more but she'd had plenty of time with people. And linguistics included a surprising amount of studying body language too. "Hey I'm glad you had a good time." She was reading between the lines, but it seemed like a safe bet. "I know I needed a break, even if I had regrets about the cocktails this morning. I don't know if you met Ram, but you should at some point before long." She wasn't going to mention the ridiculous gift basket idea right now because it was possible Ram might forget.

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[info]shorething
2024-05-24 06:12 pm UTC (link)
"Or sleeping on a sunlounger in the garden," Gael teased, waving a hand at Sefie's current position. He didn't think he'd actually been inside the house at all last night, so he couldn't attest to whether there were enough sofas for people to sleep on if they all decided not to go home. "I feel like my whole life's a bit of a break right now, so I don't know if I needed that, but it was good to get and out meet some of the people who've moved in since I left." Maybe Gael should have made more of an effort to also reconnect with old friends, but almost all of them also would've known Marcos, so the idea had less appeal than brand new people like Astrid.

Shaking his head, he said, "I didn't meet Ram. I... got a bit distracted talking to Eric." He tried not to let his face do whatever it had done the night before which had let Astrid know exactly the direction his thoughts had taken when it came to Eric; he definitely didn't succeed. He could feel the corner of his mouth trying to twitch into a smile as he remembered Eric, accurately, guessing Gael hadn't wanted to share his conversation.

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[info]sera_fina
2024-05-24 08:17 pm UTC (link)
She laughed. "Hey if I make it home I'm likely to make it inside!" she complained, adding a very mature poke of her tongue. "But for now it was apparently a bit too comfy when I didn't get enough sleep." She could still feel the lethargy pulling at her, but she was awake enough to fight it for now. "Yeah I left long enough ago that almost nobody recognised me, even the immortals," she said. "Besides I'm like two years ahead of you on the fresh start at home thing," she said. "Don't stress about it."

She frowned and perked up, interested in the cautious tone. "I don't think I know an Eric. At least not by name," she said. Not being the bartender at Hollow Hill meant she didn't tend to find quite so many patrons names, but recognised a fair few by sight. She couldn't read him properly, but there was clearly something going on. Her mind raced. "Good distracted or bad distracted?" she asked. She hadn't seen any major fighting at the party, but she had been distracted by various things, alcohol among them.

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[info]shorething
2024-05-24 10:31 pm UTC (link)
Sefie did look comfy, with her blanket nestled around her, and Gael smiled, thinking back to when they'd both been so much smaller, curling up under blankets in the living room, exhausted after a day of swimming. "Nothing wrong with that," he assured. "And I won't tell Mama you were sleeping during the day if you don't tell her I took a slightly longer lunch." Because Gael was still planning to go for that swim, if only to get some of his restless energy out. He just wanted to talk to Sefie first.

Teeth catching briefly on his lower lip, Gael tried to work out how he might describe Eric, in case Sefie knew him by sight. While he might've at least tried it after their first conversation, now it felt off. Besides, Gael didn't even know what Sefie's taste in men was like, maybe she wouldn't have noticed Eric even had he been stood right in front of her. (It seemed unlikely, sure, but stranger things had happened.) "He's a paramedic," he offered, but he had no idea how many paramedics a community the size of Tarrytown might have. Lifting a hand to shield the suddenly-warm back of his neck from the sun, Gael exhaled. "Definitely good distracted." He paused again, then decided he'd just have to blurt it out after all. "Actually, 'I offered to cook him dinner' distracted..."

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[info]sera_fina
2024-05-25 05:26 pm UTC (link)
"I work hard enough one afternoon shouldn't get her complaining," she said with an eyeroll. Shouldn't. "But I'm not snitching," she said. "I'm going to need a swim later."

It wasn't a look she knew from Gael, but she had seen it on enough friends and cousins. He seemed to like this Eric. She shrugged and shook her head at the paramedic description, never having needed one, or indeed one who was local. Her eyes widened at the sudden spray of words. "Oh. Wow. That's... hang on dinner?" she asked with a hint of suspicion and fear. She reached out and grabbed Gael's hand. "Gael. I love you dearly but have you warned him about the experimentation?" she asked. It wasn't that Gael was a bad cook. It just seemed to come in very strange combinations which didn't always quite work together.

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[info]shorething
2024-05-25 08:00 pm UTC (link)
Gael didn't even bother to say 'shouldn't, but it's Mama', he just gave Sefie the look that in their childhood had always meant that. "If 'later' means after I finish work, I could join you," he offered. "I was talking to someone at the party about how nice it is to swim in non-chlorinated water, and today I'm inclined to make the most of it." Two separate swims in an afternoon was a bit much, even for Gael, but he had a sneaking suspicion it was either that or staring into his wardrobe all evening.

For a moment, he half-expected Sefie's 'I love you dearly but' to be followed with 'this is a terrible idea'. Instead, she asked about his cooking and Gael gave a delighted laugh, before attempting to pretend to look offended. "Actually, I did," he answered, remembering that it had been his first instinct. "He also mentioned being a supertaster, so I think I might have to take a different approach than I usually would. I thought maybe I'd take two things? One very simple, one more complicated, then he can taste them both before I start and decide." Was that too much effort for a first date? Gael honestly had no idea, but what Eric had said about being able to taste everything, whether he wanted to or not, had been playing in his mind since they'd agreed to do this.

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[info]sera_fina
2024-05-26 01:20 am UTC (link)
Sefie saw Gael's look and returned her own. It was unfortunately all to familiar, if out of practice. "That'll work. I really should do more work soon. I still don't know how you put up with only pool water for so long," she said with a shudder. It was fine for swimming in human form, even if not ideal but not seal form. So gross. She sighed. "Bring on summer when I just have research to do not classes."

Gael was clearly thinking about this a lot and Sefie shot through with worry about him and some new guy. She listened to his plans and nodded along. "That sounds like a good plan, but where exactly are you going? Because somehow I'm not imagining here," she said flinging a hand at the house. "How long have you known him? What do you know about him beyond 'paramedic'?" she demanded as the worry began to bleed through. Was it smart for him to start dating again so soon? Would this do anything like helping him or working beyond the very short term? Would she and others be left picking up the pieces again.

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[info]shorething
2024-05-26 08:00 am UTC (link)
Gael's expression shifted, a pain he mostly tried not to think about flashing into his eyes for a moment. "I was in love?" he suggested softly. He had been, of that he was certain. He'd loved Marcos, had fallen into it so slowly and so young that he hadn't even realised what had been happening, but once they were actually together, it had only grown. It had made all the sacrifices seem worth it, because he'd believed Marcos loved him, too. Now? Now he wasn't sure, and that was somehow harder than the not being together. If Marcos had never loved him, then seven years of his life made no kind of sense. "But yes," he agreed, not wanting to dwell on those questions, "bring on summer! Does Tarrytown do anything for Pride, or will I have to go to the city?"

He didn't actually know where Eric lived, but that wasn't really what Sefie was asking. "His place, thankfully." There were many nights when Maria was out, and Gael had access to her calendar so he'd know when they were in advance, but it still just seemed easier if Eric only had a housemate part-time. "Though, he was willing to meet you last night, so maybe Mama doesn't scare him." The two questions in quick succession made Gael raise an eyebrow, but maybe this was just the sisterly inquisition he'd missed when he'd gotten together with Marcos. "I met him three weeks ago, then bumped into him last night and got his number." He didn't want to give the impression they'd been in contact the whole three weeks; he knew this was still new. As to what else he knew about him, Gael checked things off on his fingers: "His family moved around when he was young but he and his parents are here now, he likes helping out the community, he cooks." He didn't mention that Eric was part of a pack, he'd seemed hesitant enough to mention it that Gael wasn't going to share. Instead, he added, "He reads me like a book, which is..." Well, Gael wasn't sure what it was, but it was certainly something.

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[info]sera_fina
2024-05-26 09:50 pm UTC (link)
The softness of his reply made it hit all the harder and she winced, the pain of regret twisting in her stomach. She immediately rolled forward onto her knees and hugged him, side on. "I'm sorry, 'manito," she said, and kissed his temple. "I shouldn't have been so flippant." She sat back and rearranged the blanket to cover her lap, very glad he was happy to move on quickly. She smiled at the brighter question. "Yeah, it's not like the city really, but they have stuff going on. Bit more of a community focus than big parade. There's one of those too though. Depends what you want to do, I guess." She had gone along to one of the events last year and caught a bit of the parade, and then had to work. It had been busy. Very busy.

That was a relief. "Well at least you're not demanding my place for the night!" she joked. She would have let him borrow the space for the evening, but she would have also made sure she met Eric. "Oh," she said, surprised that Eric was actually open to meeting her. "Well I'll count that in his favour." Total dickheads weren't usually lining up to meet your family in her experience, although she could be wrong. There was a swell of protective feeling for her brother who had been so hurt and she felt she should probably meet this Eric sooner rather than later. "Oooh he cooks, so there's a back up if your plans go wrong!" she joked. The two second pause with a serious face before she gave a cheeky grin and held up her hands. "Joking, joking!" she said with a laugh. "No, but really. I'm happy for you as well as," she trailed off and sighed. "Sorry. I know you're an adult but the proximity is making me go all big sister protective," she said, sounding minimally apologetic. She looked at him and considered what he was saying about being read easily. Wondered how she would feel about being read easily and huffed a sigh. "Not sure I'd like it, but I guess it depends how it feels to you. Does it make you feel seen or feel exposed?"

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[info]shorething
2024-05-26 11:10 pm UTC (link)
Though he didn't think her apology necessary, Gael accepted the hug and the kiss, leaning into the contact for a moment before it disappeared. This, too, was a benefit to being back home. Familial affection that wasn't going anywhere, with no doubts or strings or uncertainty. He hadn't known he'd been missing that, but after everything that had happened, he certainly appreciated it. "I've never actually been to New York Pride to compare it to," he mused. "I probably should at least once. But maybe not this year." He gave a startled laugh, "I've never even been gay clubbing in New York." Yeah, he should definitely do that first.

"The thought didn't even cross my mind," he assured her. It seemed, somehow, much worse to kick Sefie out of her place than to risk potentially awkward run-ins with Mama. (Though, Gael did wonder if Eric would agree with that.) Tilting his head slightly, Gael asked, "You're counting liking to help people and paramedic in his favour too, right?" To Gael, pretty much everything he'd learned so far was adding to the impression of Eric as fundamentally good and a worthwhile person to get to know. "My cooking doesn't go wrong. It's always exactly what I intend it to be!" Which meant that, if he actually took pains to make something... traditional... Gael was sure it would go fine.

The 'as well as' earned Sefie an extremely puzzled frown. "You don't need to protect me from Eric." Marcos, yes, Gael had somehow been wrong about Marcos, but Eric was different. He paused to consider the question, before giving a slight shrug. "Both. Sometimes both at the same time. The first time, he basically called me on flirting with him." That had been startling, and had definitely made Gael feel as though thoughts he hadn't even realised he'd had had been dragged into the light. But Eric hadn't been wrong. Last night, though, he'd mostly felt seen, so incredibly seen and like he was worth Eric's honesty and focus.

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[info]sera_fina
2024-05-27 02:59 pm UTC (link)
"I mean Pride in town was fun, but I'm not sure I feel the need to go to New York Pride, but I'm not part of the LGBT community so," she finished with a shrug. "I do know of some gay clubs from people but I've not been to one. Sorry, not very helpful," she said. She liked a club from time to time, but for evident reasons she tended to go to the not-so-gay ones.

The fact he hadn't even thought of her was both a relief and a bit irritating to her. She was at the very least open to the conversation, since unlike the main house it was a private space. She rolled her eyes at the question. "I mean, obviously. Not wanting to meet your friends or family would be a bit of a worry. But being willing to meet family right away seems like the opposite," she said lightly. She patted his hand when he defended his cooking. "Yeah, okay," she said. "If he's not a fan of what you intend then," she said. There was a pause as a thought occurred to her. "Okay the actual back up is probably getting something from in town."

Sefie took a deep breath, her eyes closing as she tried to calm herself, because her irritation wasn't directed at her brother. "I didn't think I had to protect you from your best friend," she said gently and then winced. "Although can I admit something? I wasn't totally sure he wasn't just your best friend still until you came home again." The admission came with a rare bashful look from Sefie and she tried to move right on. "But anyway I'm reserving the right to get protective if I need to. My loyalty is to you not whoever you might date." Did she have any idea if this new date might lead anywhere? Not really. Did she think it might be too soon? Maybe, but she wasn't sure what scale she should be judging on for Gael. Her friend Lois from college who seemed to date a new guy every third week at minimum, her own scale which was dating very rarely at all, somewhere in between, or something else altogether.

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[info]shorething
2024-05-27 04:14 pm UTC (link)
"I think it's different," Gael agreed. "Living this close to New York, being part of the community, I feel like I should go at least once in my life." It was different if you weren't a part of it, or so Gael presumed. "You'd be welcome to come with me as an ally, if you wanted, but if not, maybe I'll meet people at Pride in town this year and drag them to the city next year."

Gael hummed his agreement, because even though he hadn't taken Eric to meet Sefie, it had felt nice that he'd wanted to. "He wanted to thank you for making sure I was there last night," he said, unable to stop the smile. "Said it would be the right thing to do." He pouted at the continued insistence Eric might not like his cooking. "I'm already doing something more traditional," he grumble. "It'll be fine." Wouldn't it? He heaved a sigh. "Maybe I should have a backup plan, so I'm not moody if he hates it."

Much as he wanted to insist that this was different, Gael supposed he could see how Fina didn't know that yet. "Nobody thought they had to protect me from my best friend," Gael agreed, gaze moving to the horizon where the lake met the sky. "But this feels different." It was certainly happening much faster, and this time Gael knew he was gay going in, knew how to flirt and that he was attracted to Eric physically as well as otherwise. Her next words called him back, and he frowned at her. "What? I came out and told people about us about a month after we got together." Admittedly, not to Fina directly, because they'd both been so busy. Gael had just assumed Mama would pass on the word. He leaned in, resting himself against her legs for a moment. "I know. And I don't care that I'm an adult, I'm always going to want you to be big sister protective. Just... wait until I need it?" Because right now he was perfectly fine.

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[info]sera_fina
2024-05-27 09:41 pm UTC (link)
She nodded, understanding the impulse on a far more academic than personal level. "Hey, I'm happy to carve out time for my little bro and a party," she said. "But you really do need to meet Ram. Pretty sure he'll be getting a contingent together to go into the city." Ram's enthusiasm for most things seemed to be pretty unending, and she was sure Pride was one of them.

"Okay that's actually sweet," she said. Assuming he hadn't had nefarious thoughts about Gael, but it didn't seem like that from Gael's reaction to it. She twisted her mouth over to the side in thought, biting the inside of her lip slightly. "I don't think you need a back up to two different options. You just gotta figure out a solution together. You know, figure out if you do the working like that kind of thing," she said, just managing to get the words out before she yawned.

Wasn't that the truth?! She'd met Marcos a handful of times when she was visiting in holidays and nothing had seemed off about him then, but people could clearly change or hide themselves. It could feel different for any number of reasons in her opinion, and they weren't all good, but she didn't want to crush his spirit or enthusiasm. "Yeeeeah," she said with a little tilt of her head. "I didn't exactly get told. I you thought mama would pass it on she didn't. I'd worked out it was an option by the end, but didn't technically know," she said. "Er, are you gay or something else?" she suddenly thought to tack on slightly awkwardly. "I got as far as 'likes men'." She took a breath to protest, but instead let it out with a sigh and nodded. "Yeah, I'll do my best," she agreed.

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[info]shorething
2024-05-27 11:44 pm UTC (link)
It would be good, Ram thought, to celebrate Pride with Sefie. Though he'd certainly had a community to celebrate with, as well as Marcos, he'd never celebrated with family, and the thought made him smile. "That's settled, then," he decided. "Ohhhh," he murmured, understanding dawning as to why Sefie was so insistent he meet Ram. "Look at you, helping me find my community now I'm back!" It was probably a good idea, actually, to get involved again, though maybe in a less intense way than he had in Nebraska. "You're very good for me."

Hearing Sefie declare it sweet felt like a triumph, setting off a flutter of butterflies in Gael's stomach that had him almost reaching for his phone again, before remembering he'd left it inside. He glanced up at her as she told him he didn't need a backup when he already had two options planned, sure that she was right. "I've never been on a first date that I knew was a first date before," he admitted. "I only know how people do this from what they tell me." He'd never felt it, before, the uncertainty and the desire to get it perfect and yet the worry that by getting it perfect he'd somehow ruin it by caring too much.

"That's... a little weird," he said, frowning. "I'm quite sure I've been told about literally every relationship the cousins have been in. Even the one with the half-fae that lasted about three weeks." It felt distinctly odd that Maria wouldn't have told people, especially given how long the relationship had lasted. When Sefie had to, somewhat awkwardly, ask if he was gay or something else, Gael reached out for her hand, squeezing it hard. "I'm sorry you haven't known this, 'manita. I assumed you just didn't think it changed anything." Which, to be fair, it clearly hadn't. Feeling far less anxious than he had coming out the first time, he laughed as he answered, "I'm gay, never had the least interest in women. I probably should have figured it out on the swim team when I could have an actual conversation with the girls in their swimsuits." The rest of the boys had certainly struggled at times.

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[info]sera_fina
2024-05-28 04:11 pm UTC (link)
She shrugged as if to say 'what else would I do'. "I do what I can, plus I think you'd get on beyond the both being LGBT thing." She wanted Gael to feel welcome back in town and Ram had definitely made her feel that.

Trying to give dating tips was honestly not Sefie's realm of expertise. "Yeah I'm not exactly an expert myself," she said. She had dated a bit now and then, but she had also been on a few first dates that she hadn't realised were dates until she got there. "I don't exactly ... it's not happened for me much," she said. Her mind flashed to the disastrous encounter with Miche the night before and she sighed. Not her area, or one she could explain either.

She smiled at him, squeezing his hand back. "I can only assume she decided it wasn't her place to say, but also that you'd told me. I sure got the updates as if I knew. I was just never sure," she said. "But it absolutely doesn't change anything beyond me being sure about a few past events and knowing not to point women out to you." Not that she was really the sort for pointing out potential partners to people, but it was definitely the right sort of sentiment. She snorted, remembering the wandering gazes of people when she had swim classes. She hardly needed them but they were mandatory for a little while there. "I was always too focussed on the water and how chlorinated it was gonna be." She paused and ran through some of the memories the interactions she had had in high school gym class more generally and swimming in particular. "You know that does explain some of the conversations I had." Less conversations on the part of some of the boys and more stuttering incoherence. All she'd wanted is to ask about group projects and the like.

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[info]shorething
2024-05-28 04:45 pm UTC (link)
"You've been amazing," Gael insisted. "I think between you and the lake, moving back is almost worth all the -" He waved a hand to sum up all the heartbreak and confusion of the last four months. He still hadn't decided whether, if he had the choice, he'd go back and make the entire relationship with Marcos not have happened. He didn't really know who he'd be in that case, and thinking about how he might already be helping people with their finances made him not want to contemplate too hard. He couldn't change the past, anyway, he just had to start again from where he was now.

With his hand already in hers, Gael could feel a moment of tension when she said it hadn't happened much for her. It was hard to imagine that Fina couldn't make that kind of connection if she wanted it. She was beautiful, and confident, and intelligent. Gael had never really thought too hard before about why there hadn't been more relationships in her life. Plenty of people just didn't particularly seek them out. "Do you want it to happen for you?" he asked. He obviously did, but he was well aware that not everybody was built the same when it came to sex and dating and relationships.

"I suppose." Gael wasn't completely convinced. It was hardly Mama's place to tell him about all his cousin's relationships, either, and yet she still did. "Maybe she didn't want to out me," he mused. That did seem possible, he hadn't explicitly told Maria that he was happy for her to pass it along, because he hadn't known he might need to. He chuckled when Fina said it explained some of the conversations she had had. "I thought it was just a selkie thing," he admitted. "You know, different culture around nudity, or near-nudity. I didn't realise then that it was because I wasn't attracted to women."

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[info]sera_fina
2024-05-29 04:09 pm UTC (link)
"Yeah, let's go with the almost. I love having you back, but I wish it didn't take the pain it has to get you here," she said. It was true too, having Gael closer was honestly something she hadn't quite known she was missing since they had talked regularly. But that instinct to hug him the moment she saw him had been hard to deny. She was sure there would be some future time when they argued, but it was good for right now.

She tilted her head and thought about it, looking past Gael to the well-maintained garden. "I do," she said cautiously, "But in a kind of abstract way?" she suggested. She wasn't totally sure how to explain her feelings about people in a romantic or sexual sense, but most of the time she was okay about it within herself. It was the actions and opinions of other people that tried to put a harpoon through it.

Sefie sighed heavily. "Look I know her and I clash like opposing tides, but I know her heart is generally in the right place, much as it pains me to admit it," she said. "So I'd guess that's it." It was frustrating to realise mama had known all along and she hadn't, but she'd never asked because she wasn't sure what she might have said despite her general supportive, if overbearing nature. She huffed a laugh. "Yeah, me too. I had a load of conversations about it in traditional onsen in Japan. The ones with experience of American tourists tended to assume I only wanted to know about the clothed areas!" There were a couple of places close to where she had lived who had become used to her visits, which she had appreciated.

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[info]shorething
2024-05-29 06:51 pm UTC (link)
Gael nodded. As much as he was glad to be back, he too would prefer a world where he'd come home for better reasons, maybe brought Marcos with him, or ended things with Marcos earlier and come back on his own. There was no point dwelling on it, so he was trying just to be grateful for the good that had come on the pain. "Could be worse," he said. "I could've had all the pain and gone somewhere else, or ended up back here and you weren't." The lake would always be here, of course, Gael literally couldn't fathom a world in which it wasn't.

"An abstract way," he echoed, trying to work out exactly what that meant. "There's this concept of 'compulsory heterosexuality'. It basically means that society's built to enforce the idea that women are supposed to be with men, so a lot of lesbians think they're straight or bi for a long time, because it's just so hard not to fall into that." He had no idea if that was what Sefie was getting at. "Not suggesting you're secretly gay," he added, more teasingly. "Just... is it like that? You want it, but in an abstract way because society tells you that you should want it? Or do you mean something else entirely?"

In a strange way, it was sweet that Mama hadn't wanted to out him, even if Gael mostly found the caution unnecessary. "Maybe I should officially come out to all the cousins, in case they don't know either." Or maybe, he thought, a smile twisting the corner of his mouth, he'd just show up somewhere with Eric one day. "Anyway, I give you blanket permission to tell anyone you know is LGBT-friendly, if it comes up." Sefie's laugh brought a warmth of shared experience, and Gael grinned across at her. "When, in fact, you'd far rather the opposite."

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[info]sera_fina
2024-05-29 11:14 pm UTC (link)
She pulled a face, either of those options sounded far less fun. "Well for my half we've got to thank Colombia then, which given how much I've added to my student loans I'm kind of against. Ivy league or not," she said. "I'm glad you picked home though. And fighting with mama aside I'm glad I did too."

Sefie blew out a breath and made a kind of helpless gesture. "I don't think I'm secretly gay," she said. "I just don't have crushes on people much. And I've kissed women a few times, it doesn't do any more for me than kissing random men does," she said, very purposely avoiding thinking about what had happened with Michelle the previous night, lest she get angry or sad again. It was hard to explain, and honestly the few times she had tried people thought she was lying or uptight, or just plain didn't understand what she was trying to say.

"Yeah that's probably not a bad idea," she said. "And if anyone complains just tell 'em I didn't know until this year, we can ignore the fact that was accidental." She nudged him, smiling. "Thanks. I effectively told Ram because he's also LGBT, but I'll keep it in mind for other people." She snorted richly. "I really would prefer the opposite. Let me just lounge in the naked baths please! I don't care if people stare at the clearly not Japanese girl." Generally people hadn't stared too much, at least not overtly, which she had appreciated.

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[info]shorething
2024-05-30 08:49 am UTC (link)
Through a chuckle, he did wince at Sefie's complaint about student loans. "Yeah, maybe let's not talk about that," he suggested, thinking of the money he had spent on his college education, which he wasn't even getting anything out of after dropping out. A moment later, feeling a little selfish, he did correct himself. "Unless you want actual financial advice? I know I didn't finish, but if you want us to sit down with your bank statements we can totally do that another day." He'd been assuming Sefie was in control of it, and maybe she was, but if she felt overwhelmed then Gael could at least attempt to help. "I'm glad we both picked home, too."

Tipping his head slightly to one side, Gael frowned. 'Crush' was such an unhelpful word in this context, because it could equally well mean the fluttery emotional feeling or the 'want to rip their clothes off' feeling. Whether it was just because they'd been separated or something else, he and Sefie had never really talked about sex, though Gael had certainly had pretty frank conversations about it in LGBT spaces. Eventually, he decided it'd be less potentially uncomfortable if he talked about it in the framing of other people, rather than Sefie. "Some people don't," he agreed. "Some people don't really feel physical attraction very often, other people get the physical side but don't form an emotional attachment. And some people need the one before they can have the other." He shrugged. "I've never tried it, but I don't think kissing random men would do much for me, either."

He laughed at the idea they could use Sefie not having known as a way to soothe the feelings of anyone who might complain he hadn't come out to them earlier. "Anyone who complains about that probably isn't worth the time, but sure." Nobody except his closest family and anyone he might get romantic with had any inherent right to know; if he chose to tell them, that was a bonus, not a requirement. It didn't bother him that she'd told Ram without knowing whether he minded, especially if Ram was also queer, so he nodded. "I take it you did eventually find places to let you lounge to your heart's content?"

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[info]sera_fina
2024-05-30 07:51 pm UTC (link)
She pulled a face. "I mean we know math has never been my strong point, but I think I've got a handle on my budget and so on," she said. "If you're super excited about the idea feel free to put that on the calendar for after I've handed my dissertation proposal document in, and I've got about six weeks to do that. Or maybe it's six months," she said, squinting a bit and blinking to try and get her memory straight.

Sefie wasn't exactly sure what she had expected him to say. She didn't expect him to come back with dismissal or cruelty like some others had, but she hadn't expected such a considered and seemingly knowledgeable answer. "Huh," she said and frowned slightly. She wasn't sure if any of that applied to her exactly. Maybe the emotional attachment thing. It definitely seemed to apply to her last relationship that had lasted. "I... I might need to think about that, when I'm less tired," she said. She thought about it and then looked at her brother. "I don't actually know how much you want to hear right now," she said. She liked the act of kissing most of the time, just like she liked sex, but neither was largely something she sought out. Nor did she think her brother was likely to hear about her sex life, or romantic life beyond the sort of details she'd shared with him in the past.

"Just an option for you," she said carelessly. If he took it or not was entirely up to him. She thought back to her time in Japan with a smile and nodded. "Yeah, there was one not too far from where I was staying that got used to me, and a couple of other places I went to once or twice," she said. "Speaking the language definitely helped me, even when I got things wrong."

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[info]shorething
2024-05-30 09:03 pm UTC (link)
With a shake of his head, Gael held up a hand. "No, I'm really fine," he promised. "I just didn't want to sound like I wouldn't help if you wanted it." Of course, Gael would volunteer to help any time Sefie might feel the need of advice, but he really wasn't particularly excited to contemplate anyone's student loans at the moment. "If you change your mind, you know where to find me," he added, with a genuine smile. For the foreseeable future, as far as he was concerned, Sefie would know exactly where to find him. Even if he moved out of Mama's house, it would hardly be far.

"Good plan," Gael agreed. He couldn't imagine being half-asleep would help when it came to potentially complicated questions of sexual preference. He'd seen more than enough questioning members of the community who'd spent weeks or months figuring things out, plus plenty who'd changed labels over time. "There's no rush. And if you want me to repeat that, or explain it more, I'm free anytime. I don't have personal experience, but -" He paused, suddenly realising that if Sefie hadn't known he was gay, she surely couldn't know what he'd spent so much of his time doing in Nebraska. "Marcos was really into LGBT rights and activism and community," he explained, "so I got involved too. Pretty much our entire friend group was some flavour of queer." Marcos had been into supernatural rights, too, but that he definitely had talked to Sefie about directly.

As for what he wanted to hear, he shrugged. "As much as you're comfortable telling me, if it means I can help." He probably didn't want to hear specific explicit details about Sefie's sex life just to talk, but if it was with the goal of helping her work out what would make her happy? That was very different.

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[info]sera_fina
2024-05-30 11:07 pm UTC (link)
She couldn't help but laugh at his sudden backing down. She wasn't exactly in a hurry to help anyone else out with the complexities of the student loan system either. "Unless you've started spending all your time with Eric by the time I start pulling my hair out next loan update season I think I've got a good chance," she said, unable to resist the impulse to tease.

She smiled at him softly, the look gentle and the sort of heartfelt she didn't get too often outside her family (yes, even Maria). "Mmm, I appreciate it. I guess it'll percolate in the back until after exams are over at least," she said. She really didn't have the time for much active thought about yet another new thing right now. "Huh, I hadn't realised," she said when he explained his LGBT activism. Yet another piece of the puzzle that might have helped her, but she didn't say that.

It took Fina several long moments to work out what she wanted to say. "Okay," she said with a sigh that was part release of tension and part gearing herself up to it. She'd never become the sort of person to talk openly about sex because she rarely felt she had anything to contribute. "I've tried to explain it before, but nobody has ever really either got it or believed me," she said. "I don't get crushes very often. I don't often look at someone and think 'oh I'd like to date him' or 'oh, I want to sleep with him' much. Yes it's all been men by the way," she said. She really felt like he was going to be more receptive than anyone she had told before. "I might feel 'oh I want to know you better', but it's pretty much like friendship and that sort of connection." She blushed slightly, because between unfamiliarity talking openly and the fact this was her brother. "I like kissing, and I, er, like sex. But usually in a sort of non-specific way? An abstract way? Like it's not usually connected to a person. If someone I generally like and trust asks to kiss me I might do it." She steered her words carefully around the experience of the night before, even though it was still an angry throb in her gut. "I don't know if that makes any sense."

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[info]shorething
2024-05-31 09:32 am UTC (link)
The thought of spending (more of his) time with Eric brought a bright joy into Gael's face, smile stretching wide before he glanced down, a little abashed that such a small thought could make him so happy only four months after he'd had his heart broken. "That won't happen," he promised. "No matter how much time we may be spending together by then, he'll get it if I say it's important to help you." Eric was the son of the pack master, he'd said, and Gael felt confident that would translate to understanding that Gael wanted to help his family (and, to a lesser extent, the rest of the clan).

"Yeah," Gael agreed, wrinkling his nose at the mention of exams. "No distractions now, distractions later." He pursed one side of his lips, not sure he could explain how all the LGBT activism hadn't come up. "Apparently I really need to be more forthcoming about what I'm up to," he offered, with an apologetic shrug. He hadn't thought of himself as being reticent, but evidently there was something lacking in his style of communication.

'Nobody has ever really got it or believed me' made Gael feel such an outpouring of sympathy, he took Sefie's hand again, pressing it between both of his. He'd heard that kind of thing before, too many times. He listened, nodding where it felt appropriate, trying to simultaneously remember how others of his friends had described their experiences. "If someone you like and trust asks to kiss you, you might do it," he echoed, frowning slightly. That sounded more like Sefie was agreeing for the other person. "But when you like and trust someone, do the feelings of 'oh I'd like to date him' or 'oh, I want to sleep with him' come?"

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[info]sera_fina
2024-05-31 04:28 pm UTC (link)
The joy on Gael's face made Sefie smile too, if a little more cautiously. She was pleased he could feel even potential happiness this quickly. Something had made her expect it would take him a lot longer to get over Marcos and his betrayal, but that might just be her own lingering anger talking. "Good, family is important too, but I want you to be happy."

Her smile was a quiet sort of thing, but very heartfelt. "I don't mind that you haven't told me everything, I'm sure I've glossed over stuff or just spent too much time complaining about work or studying, or we just got caught up bitching about our respective supe rights folks forgetting about water shifters!" Those had definitely been cathartic conversations, although being closer to the coast meant she did usually have a bit more backup. "If I had the time to spare I'd get back into that," she said. In the long run that was why she was doing her degree, but it didn't leave her with much time during the degree because she was also working.

She was more interested at looking at their hands than at Gaels face, but it made it easier to talk. "I like kissing," she said, "Sometimes I kind of like it just for the sensation without wanting it to go somewhere," she said. "I try to make people understand I don't want more than that. Hence the people I trust more generally thing. Or, you know, poor drunk decisions at parties," she shrugged. She wasn't going to explain her rationale for past one-night-stands to her brother. There were limits. "Yeah, like, not everybody." She paused to run through her past crushes and relationships, and with one notable exception, which was frankly a terrible decision, she was nodding faintly. "Yeah, I think they've all or nearly all been people I was already friends with, or was becoming friends with by the time I started wanting anything more," she said with consideration. The one she was most fond of the memories of definitely followed that pattern.

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[info]shorething
2024-05-31 10:31 pm UTC (link)
Gael's relationships with Maria and Omar were too complicated for him to say that family made him happy, but having been able to spend time with Sefie these last few months definitely did. "I think we can manage both family and happiness," he assured her. And maybe being back in the same space would help with the rest of the familial relationships, too, if less quickly.

Her outrage about water shifters being forgotten made Gael laugh. They'd definitely both had that experience way too many times. "Another reason to be glad we're both home," he teased. "Hard to forget about water shifters when Maria Cardenas is around." It was certainly true that their mom worked tirelessly to make sure everyone remembered about selkie-specific issues, not to mention the advantage of living where there'd been a selkie clan for so many years.

It was a little weird, to hear Sefie talk about how she liked the sensation of kissing, but Gael did his best to separate Sefie-his-sister from Sefie-his-peer. "It might help to find other people who feel the same way? Though, I know that's not easy." He waited while she considered, not particularly surprised when she eventually decided that people she became friends with overlapped with people she started to want more with. "I have a couple of friends who've told me similar things," he said. "One of them's bi, but one of them isn't. They managed to find each other. I could ask if they'd be willing to chat with you?" Though, maybe Sefie wouldn't feel comfortable talking about it with strangers.

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[info]sera_fina
2024-06-01 01:11 am UTC (link)
"Well I'm certainly doing my best," Sefie said. At which part she wasn't specifying. Nor the fact that best with Maria often meant mostly avoidance.

She rolled her eyes. Their mother had something of a tendency towards being single-minded about having her points heard on any and all issues, but selkie ones in particular. "I mean it's true, which is nice. The leaders in Seattle were less..." she struggled for a word or short phrase that would cover her experience of her West Coast family. "Just less," she settled on.

The look Sefie could feel herself giving Gael when mentioned finding others who felt the same way was entirely incredulous, she didn't think she had ever found anyone who listen to her in more than a placating way before, never mind finding someone who shared her feelings. The offer was frankly a step too far for her right now, she pulled one hand up to scrub at her eyes. "Gael, I... not right now?" she suggested. Her mind was already flipping out to realise that she maybe wasn't alone in her feelings, no matter how comfortable she had felt in herself about them. "I just...no idea," she said, giving him a little helpless shrug.

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[info]shorething
2024-06-01 08:47 am UTC (link)
Waiting for Sefie to finish what the Seattle leaders were less, Gael gave a startled chuckle when she instead just repeated herself. "That's the perfect way to describe it," he agreed instantly. "Mama is just... more."

He understood the look, and he knew it wouldn't be as easy for Sefie as finding other queer men had been for him (not that even that was as easy as it was for straight people to find one another), but he also believed it was possible. Especially this close to a major city. He squeezed the hand he was still holding. "In your own time," he agreed. "They're not going anywhere." He did, privately, decide to reach out to those two particular friends soon, to make sure the connection didn't fade because he'd left town. Luckily, they hadn't been particularly close to Marcos, so wouldn't feel the need to 'take sides'.

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[info]sera_fina
2024-06-01 02:09 pm UTC (link)
Sefie laughed and nodded. "Yeah, I should tell you more about that some time," she said. They had talked about it a bit, of course, but there were far more interesting things to talk about than clan politics that weren't directly affecting you when you had limited time to catch up.

There were so many thoughts buzzing around her head that she didn't know what else to say. The fact she had an option and a resource now was very helpful. "Thanks, Gael," she said. "I'll...I'll think about it later," she said with a little smile. So much later, given her upcoming exams.

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