I'm way behind, and slightly feverish, but I'd like to throw my two cents in here. My SO is a Vietnam vet. My ex was in the Navy and went on long deployments. Sometimes things happened. I never, ever heard details. Once in a while, the SO will still have a flashback, and it's not pretty, but it's not always apparent what's going on. I don't know what to do--and it's weird when they come back after 6-9 months, and have been in this realm somewhere. I cannot imagine what Buffy's going through under the circumstances. You do withdraw, you get angry, you are sometimes terrified. It's a form of grief for that person you used to know, and every single military spouse experiences it on some level, no matter how engaged, strong, or independent they are. It is a form of PTSD. She's not going to just fall into his arms. She's not going to act "normal." She's going to be terrified of who he is this time. She's going to do crazy things. Case in point: after one particularly harrowing deployment (I heard more from news on TV than letters, and still had no idea what they were doing.), with two extensions, when my husband finally got home, I, the definition of horny bitch, wouldn't allow him to touch me for a week. I cried a lot. And then, it was as though he was there and we were back, and it got better. Also. It's really easy to leave someone with PTSD, because it's frustrating and scary and you feel so alone.
Spike seems to be pretty much back, but who knows? And he knew he was coming back. She didn't.