InsaneJournal

Alex hadn't exactly been having an easy time lately. She was a newly turned vampire that was trying her best not to feed. She felt cold all the time. And everything else that was going on around her didn't help. She was constantly speaking Russian and seeing things that couldn't actually be there. Deep down, she knew it wasn't real. She knew, but the fears were just too overwhelming. Sean was always with her now, haunting her as a literal ghosts of her mistakes. And every time she saw him, it brought out those same feelings in her, that she'd had the night he died.

Alex was confused, and so messed up. There had been many times since all of this started that she was so tempted to stake herself. But as of yet, she hadn't. She was constantly fighting. At least that was something the little Russian was used to. Birkhoff was here, but she hadn't seen much of him. And she hadn't even really talked to him since she'd become...this. She couldn't really be a vampire if she didn't feed, could she? But Mitchell had told her it was better if she never started, and she knew he was right. She was an ex-junkie, even if Amanda said there was no such thing as an ex-junkie... The last thing any of them needed was a baby vampire developing an addiction to blood. She hoped Harry and Molly were still working on something for that, because the temptation was always there.

After her...confrontation or whatever with Angelus over the network, she decided she had to get out for awhile. She didn't know if she would actually be able to beat him, if they fought. Mitchell had told her she wouldn't be as strong as a vampire that was drinking blood. She didn't feel very strong, most of the time she just felt cold...and dead. And technically, she was. She brought some weapons with her, in case she did run into any trouble. She knew it wasn't safe here, she'd known that for awhile...but she wasn't merely human anymore, either. Alex figured she could handle whatever came along.

She did her best to ignore the scene constantly playing in her mind, of Sean dying. She'd promised him she'd find a way to get better...and so far, she hadn't actually done that.