Somehow, she managed to turn the doorknob, pulling open the door slowly because Elena was very unsure she wanted to do this. She was very unsure she wanted to see her brother again. It was too late to turn back now. The door creaked open and the face of her brother, Jeremy Gilbert, materialized on the other side. He looked identical to the one she'd burned to ash in the house the two had grown up in. Except his face was flush, color back in the cheeks, and he was breathing again. Her powerful hearing picked up the sound of his heart beat, strong and thumping, in his chest. He smelled like her brother, too. But, it couldn't be, could it? How? He was dead. Katherine killed him. This couldn't be real. It couldn't. It couldn't. It-
Her hand reached out, the fingers trembling again and she touched his face. Warmth flooded her cold digits and she swallowed, brown eyes widening at the actual sensation of her brother's skin brushing her own. It should have been impossible. After she burned down their house, she didn't think she'd ever feel anything again, but this place, this hell, broke all the rules and Elena knew it. Death didn't matter here. If you died in your world, your time, you could still be brought back, a living whatever, here. "Jeremy..." her voice cracked against her will; the second visible sign her own wall around her heart, her humanity, was cracking too. Her other hand went to her lips, barely concealing the small amount of shock, emotion, appearing on her face. "Jer-"
Everything happened at once. Elena started to cry, tears streaming down her cheeks, dripping down her neck. She was an obvious mess in seconds. He was alive. Her brother was alive. She could face it again, all of it, she knew she could because he was with her. At the same time, the thoughts of her own actions since flipping her switch filled her head. She'd killed someone, more than a few someone's, and tried to kill countless others. How many people had she fed on? She'd burnt down her house! Jeremy's body inside, all the memories, everything, gone in a burst of flame. It hurt. It hurt bad. A seething pain in her chest, the guilt, the shame, overtaking her all at once. She'd killed someone. Someone innocent. She, what was she? A monster?
"I can't. I can't. I can't-" The teenager's legs gave out and she fell to the floor, in the doorway of her apartment, at her brother's feet. "It hurts, Jer. Everything..." She trailed off, heavy sobs overtaking her words, and she closed her eyes. They didn't stay closed for long. The image of the waitress, her neck like a twig, breakable and fragile as Elena snapped it like a twig in her powerful hands. "I just can't..."