Who: Bucky and Kate What: Kate is annoying When: Post-zombie fog, after this. Where: Dinning Room Warnings: Kate is annoying Status: Complete
Sleep wasn't happening, not after the attack last night. Bucky stalked through the hotel, keeping a wary eye for the liquid enemy. He was seeing shadows everywhere. It was lucky that he didn't encounter anyone else while having breakfast, but he was still on a hair trigger.
The energy needed to go somewhere. And he wasn't ready to let go of a weapon. Bucky went to his archery range instead, to take out his energy on the targets. Practicing Kate's rapid fire technique might burn through enough until he could calm down.
---
Kate was already there.
It wasn’t that the range was a challenge, exactly, but it was something to do. She wasn’t yet brave enough to go out into the fog, something that Kate would never admit, but the weird not-quite world that surrounded the hotel gave her a distinct impression of uneasiness.
When Bucky entered the dining room she smiled, but the smile quickly faded to something more serious. “Hey, you doing okay?”
---
Upon seeing someone else in the room, Bucky wanted to leave. His self-control was perilous, and maintaining his humanity would be harder with others. He glared at the room, growling under his breath. “Я хочу что-то убить.”
He turned to leave, the metal arm punching the door open and out of his way.
---
“Hey, Bucky, wait up!”
Kate wasn't the smartest person in the world. After all, she knew Spider-man, Iron Man, actual smart people that could build robots and play with the laws of physics like it was nothing.
But Claire hadn’t been wrong the other day when she lectured Kate to be a little more cautious. Kate was rarely cautious enough.
“I appreciated the heads up,” she said. The encounter he obviously pissed him off more than she realized from the note on the net.
---
On his best days, Bucky preferred to be alone. Reading or practicing, he knew it was better when he didn't have to struggle with interaction. He had a few people he could speak with, but it didn't make it any easier to communicate with others.
Kate's words made him pause, but tension still locked his muscles tight. “Your comment was not appropriate. My mother is long dead.”
That probably wasn't the right thing to say, but he didn't know what was the right thing. If it even mattered.
---
“Sorry,” Kate said. There was no sass to apology, she didn’t try to excuse it as just a joke. He hadn’t appreciated it so she apologized. It was simple as that.
“Look, I know I’m over compensating when I’m being a smartass, especially when I’m around the heavy hitters. I don’t have the training, I don’t have powers, just a stubborn pain in the ass refusal to do anything else. I love it. I can’t see myself doing anything else but helping people and I think you’re the same way. Like, you could just be a hermit in your room but you’re not. Even as awful as I’m guessing things were for you, you’re still out here, warning people about danger, trying to protect them, you’re even training someone…”
She looked around, getting the idea that Bucky was about to bail. If that was the case, she better make her point quick, “I think you’re a good person. I think you really want to be a good person.”
---
Bucky swore in Russian, and then shook his head. “I’m not a good person. I hardly qualify as a person.” He looked back at her. “You say you know me. Another me. I have been free of Hydra for less than a year. The things they put inside me still remain. How long did it take for him to recover?”
His voice was bitter, angry. He still didn’t have enough control over himself to even that out, if he even had that kind of skill.
---
“You’ve been free for less than a year?” Kate said. “And you’re doing this good? Even though - by your own admission - you still have brainwashing crap in your head?”
Kate stared at Bucky waiting for him to make the connection.
“You are a badass. Of course you’re a person. Vision is a person. Vision was also a bad guy originally. So was Black Widow. So was Hawkeye and none of them had to deal with brainwashing crap.”
Kate paused and added, “At that particular time. You need to give yourself some more credit.”
---
Bucky blinked at her, his anger sliding away from the surprise so quickly that he missed the transition. “You… what?” Good? How was this good? He felt like he was coming apart at the seams most times, he didn’t understand interaction, and he was scared all the time. “How is this good?”
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“Okay…” Kate was firm, but gentle. “Let me ask you this: how did you snap out of it? How did you figure out you were under Hydra control and how did you leave?”
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His eyes shut. “Steve.” He let out a slow breath and when he opened his eyes again, they were glistening. “They said he was my mission. My target. But he called me Bucky. And even though I was trying to kill him, he wouldn't fight me. Once his mission was completed, he dropped his shield. And he kept trying to tell me who I… who I used to be. And… just before I could complete mine, he said something. Something I remembered.”
He looked away, closing his eyes again. “I had to know if it was true. If I was… the man he said. I went to the museum, and he was right. I couldn't go back after that. I… I wanted to. It's easier to be a weapon. But I didn't want to forget again.”
---
“Okay, did you just hear yourself? Captain America basically said your name. He didn't have to find some kind of anti-brainwashing drug, drag you into some brain fixing chamber, you weren't manipulated by a telepath. It was all you. You even wanted to go back because you were programmed to, and yeah, free will sucks sometimes, but you left anyway.”
Kate stared at him. Unlike her roommate, who Kate was worried about, the archer didn’t have the same concerns about Bucky that he did.
“You don't get how amazing you are? Seriously? Still? If I were brainwashed like that, I would need a telepath to fix my head. You’re doing it yourself. That's all you.”
---
“But I'm not,” he protested. “I… I don't know how to talk to people. I'm always afraid. I don't understand the things people do, or why. I can't sleep through a night, I'm supposed to be from Brooklyn, but I think in Russian. I'm… failing.”
How could he not be? He wasn't fitting in. He was reclusive, temperamental, and brooding. Not to mention his level of aggression.
---
Kate held up an index finger, “You’re talking to me.”
She held up a second finger, “Your feelings are understandable given the crap you’ve been through and they don’t make you wrong.”
She held up a third finger for him, “You’re not failing, you’re recovering. Cut yourself some slack.”
---
Bucky ran a hand over his face. “Раздражающая женщина. You are… Запугивать. I don’t know the word. You won’t let me not talk to you!”
He hadn’t noticed, but the hard tension in his muscles had melted away. Now he seemed more… tired. And irritated. He leaned against the doorframe, waving his hand with annoyance. “Success or failure. That is all. I don’t understand what you mean. I am certainly not succeeding.”
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“I'm an accomplished pain in the ass,” Kate nodded in agreement. “You’re still seeing things the old way, the way they wanted you to see things. Yeah, in bad guy mission terms where they don't care about you, it's success or failure. But you don't have to be that anymore. Now it's more like, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
“And you are trying! And less than a year out all by yourself without some smart scientist type to help? You should be really proud of that.”
Kate paused.
“We are in a bad place. I haven't met Clint or Wanda yet. To be honest I'm putting it off. I don't know what they’ll be like but I know what you’re like and I know we can have each other's backs when stuff gets hairy.”
---
For someone who claimed to not understand Russian, she was very good at understanding him. Or at least she was very good at deciphering what he meant. Usually.
It was… good. It made it easier that she was assuming understanding and simply moving on with the conversation. The gaps in his language were bypassed smoothly.
“Wanda is from my world,” he said. The knowledge was part warning - he didn't want her to be upset if Wanda didn't know her. “From… a few months or years in my future. I do not know about Barton. Natasha is also from my world.”
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“Natasha is here, too?” And they were all from a world where Kate hadn’t shown up yet. She tried not to frown. “Thanks for the heads up. I assuming we’re all on the same team? No other weird surprises I should know about?”
---
To that, Bucky could only shrug. “We're in a magical hotel that moves, and last week it was an invasion of zombies. Weird is relative.”
He gave her a look. “You are annoying. But thank you.”