Zee was lounging on her mother’s sofa, half-dozing after the night’s full moon. Piotr had left for class, while her mother was showering and getting ready for another shift at the hospital. After the influx of injuries after the storm, Anya had been working a lot of doubles and triples; even when she was off, she’d been staying with Evie and Kira at the hospital. She’d only taken the night off because having a full grown tigress running around the hospital wouldn’t be good for anyone.
“Zinka, take the lasagna out from the freezer,” Anya called downstairs, before starting up the hair dryer.
Zee let out an exasperated sigh and rolled herself off of the couch to head to the kitchen. She felt terrible for Evie, she really did. After all, the baker had given Zee her first job after moving back, and been gracious enough to let her keep it even when the job at the Aquitaine had opened up. As far as bosses went, Evie was pretty good, and Kira was a cute kid. Zee really hoped everything worked out for them in the end.
But, as she pulled the frozen dish from the icy depths and set it unceremoniously on the counter to thaw, she couldn’t help but be overwhelmed by a wave of envy. Just the year before, she’d disappeared for days and never heard word one from her mom. But here Anya was, doting on Evie and Kira without a second thought. It was stupid and selfish, but Zee almost hated them for it.
Upstairs, the high-pitched drone of the dryer had been replaced with the sound of drawers being pulled out and slammed back in as Anya threw on her scrubs and packed a couple of extra changes. It was going to be another long stretch, she knew, but it wasn’t anything she would ever complain about. Her hair was still slightly damp as she ran her fingers through it to pull it back into a quick braid; she’d yet to find a commercial dryer that could actually do what it promised.
She slung the small duffel bag over her shoulder and flew down the stairs, stepping into the kitchen to make a quick cup of coffee. Zee was leaning against the counter, waiting for the kettle to boil, her arms folded over her chest.
“Promise me you won’t leave the house like this,” Anya sighed, noting her daughter’s light, billowing tank top and visible lack of underwear.
“What, I look fine,” Zee sniffed.
“Anyone can see you this way,” Anya protested. “It’s not decent.”
Zee just rolled her eyes. “Yeah, and maybe that’s why I like it. Besides, it’s too hot to wear a bra.”
Anya gave up with a disappointed sigh and a shake of her head, and turned to pull a travel mug down from the cabinet.
“Any news about Kira?” Zee asked, half-hopeful for something good, half-disinterested because there would be no change.
“Every day, she gets a little better,” Anya replied, moving on to the coffee. “But it is very little steps. And poor Evie, I think she is going to lose her mind. She doesn’t eat, she doesn’t sleep unless I am there, and then it is only for little bits. But I try to make her eat, so that she is not an empty shell when Kira wakes up.” She tut-tutted and gave a soft sigh as she measure the grounds into the french press on the counter.
“Can you imagine, being so scared, being so hurt for so long, then waking up to see your mother gone crazy like that?” She shook her head again. “I will not let this happen for either of them.”
“Why do you care so much?” It came out far more callous than Zee had intended, but as her mother whipped around, she knew there was no taking it back.
“Zila,” her mother admonished. “How do you ask such a thing?”
“It’s how can you ask -”
“I know what it is,” Anya cut in sharply as she reached for the boiling kettle. “And I mean, how do you ask this? What happened in your brain that made you say those words? What happened in your heart?”
“I mean, why do they get special treatment? You don’t do this for any other patients.”
Anya finished pouring the water in silence, before she set the kettle on the tile countertop and turned to face her daughter. “Что вы на самом деле хотите сказать, Зинка?”
Zee just let out another exasperated sigh as she picked up the kettle and poured herself a fresh cup of tea. After she’d placed the kettle back on the stove top, she finally let it out.
“I’m your daughter. Not Evie, not Kira, me. But you wouldn’t know it from the last couple of weeks. You’ve spent every waking moment with them, and not a word to me before last night. Not one.”
“This, from the girl who leaves for eight years without a phone call or a letter. Who beats a man nearly to death, then vanishes again for two weeks. With not a word. Not one.”
Zee couldn’t help but cringe a little as her mother threw her words back in her face. She knew she was wrong, she knew her mother was in the right. She knew it was stupid of her to expect anything from her mother, after the way she’d treated her.
“You were gone,” Anya explained, her tone softened. “I thought, I have lost my little girl. Мой маленький тигренок. What is a mother without her child? Empty. Alone. But then there was Evie, and she was alone. She needed a mother. You didn’t want me, so I let her have me. And then there was Kirka, and who can not love her little face?”
Anya pressed the plunger down to the bottom of the carafe, and poured the coffee carefully into her travel mug. Then she turned her full attention to Zee, closing the distance between them to rest her hands against her daughter’s cheeks.
“You will always be my baby,” Anya assured Zee. “But you cannot always be my child. I am waiting for you now to grow up and stop throwing these tantrums. And maybe visit more than once a month.”
She gave Zee a quick kiss on the forehead, then grabbed her coffee and bag and headed for the door. Alone in the house, Zee was dumbfounded. Sure, her mother had a point; Zee had been the one to push Anya away. She’d cut that tie and burned that bridge because she never thought she would have reason to come back home. After two years, she thought that they’d managed to rebuild what had crumbled over the years, but it was clear now that they still had a long way to go. She still had a long way to go.
Anya had needed someone to love, after losing Leo and Zee in the span of a few short years. Zee understood that a little better now. It didn’t make it any less painful to see that she was right, that Evie was the better, classier replacement. But she wasn’t ready to give up yet. It had taken ten years to figure out, but she knew now how much she needed her mother in her life. And maybe, just maybe, she could still turn her fuck-up image around, and win back her mother’s respect.