Original poster: sakaim Title: Ambivalent Lucidity Rating: Currently R Pairings: Harry/Draco Summary:When Draco Malfoy's mental health mysteriously declines, he is placedunder the care of the only person he responds to: Harry Potter. Warnings:(Future) Violence, rape, character death, mental illnesses(Dissociative Identity Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress, ParanoidSchizophrenia), slash, Pre-HBP Draco was very quiet over the next few days, and Harry found that hewas not hurt by it at all. He understood that Draco was trying tofigure something out that he, Harry, could not possibly help with.Therefore, Harry gave him the space he needed. Ron and Hermione wereglad to have Harry hanging out with them, and the fact that Harrywanted to go to Quidditch practise on Thursday evening seemed to makeRon’s whole week. Together, they dressed in their Quidditch robes andslung their brooms over their shoulders before heading down to thepitch.
The team had been in the air for around ten minutes,passing the Quaffle back and forth for warm-up, when Ginny arched aneyebrow then smiled at Harry. “Harry, Draco’s here,” she said justloudly enough for him to hear, and she watched as Harry’s head turnedso quickly that the Quaffle smacked him in the cheek. His glassesknocked askew, he ignored the hysterical laughter from the rest of theteam, which was generally in good spirits about he upcoming match, andretrieved the fallen Quaffle before he cleared his throat. “I’ll beback,” he claimed as he threw the ball to Dean Thomas, who easilycaught it and nodded.
The air whistled in his ears as he doveto the stretch of ground between two goalposts where Draco was sittingin silence, his arms resting on his knees and his chin indenting theskin just below his elbow. Harry landed easily and set the broom aside,frowning at the stricken look on Draco’s face, and he knelt down besidehim. “Hi, Draco,” he whispered. The sound was nearly lost in the wind,which was picking up in the early evening sun, but he knew that Dracohad heard him when the blond boy met his gaze and drew in a deep,shuddering breath before reaching into his robes. “What’s wrong?” Harryasked very quietly, and he took the small piece of parchment that Dracoprocured from some pocket in his robes. Harry’s fingers unrolled it,and he frowned as he read the words scrawled messily on the parchment:
You’re coming home for Christmas.
“What?”Harry asked incredulously, and he rolled the parchment again beforearching an eyebrow at Draco. “But he’s escaped from prison He’s...TheMinistry’s looking for him How on earth can he expect–”
“TheMinistry wants me to go home,” Draco rasped, and he crumpled theparchment in his hands before chucking it across the pitch. “They’reusing me to get to him Goddamnit, Harry, they’re going to get me killed” His fists connected hard with the goal post he had previously beenleaning on, and Harry saw a trickle of blood dripping from his handafterward. He paused for a moment before he reached out and took ableeding hand and kissed Draco’s palm.
Ginny giggled at thedisgusted expression Ron pulled when Harry’s arms slid around Draco andeased him closer, and she threw the Quaffle at him. “Hey, you caught it” she exclaimed, impressed since he had not even been looking at her.“Oh, Ron, get over it. It looks like something’s happened...Harry looksangry.” The whole team was watching now as Draco started to yell,though the wind obscured most of his words so they only caught a fewstray ones, such as “USED,” and “TOY,” and “FUCK THAT.” “Er, so doesDraco,” Ginny corrected, and she crossed her arms as she watched Harryhop on his broom and make some sort of motion to Draco, who climbed on.The pair flew up to the rest of the team, and it was obvious now thatDraco was crying and enraged. Harry was not crying, but he lookedequally infuriated, and when he spoke to the team, it was clear that ittook a lot of effort to keep his voice calm.
“Sorry, everyone.We have to go talk to Dumbledore right this second,” Harry saidapologetically, and the team seemed to nod as one before he flew awaywith Draco clinging to his waist. The pair did not speak as Harry flewthem right up to the castle doors, and they dismounted with all theease of two boys who had been flying for years. They did not even joinhands as they strode into the castle and immediately to the seventhfloor corridor containing the lone gargoyle. “Fizzing Whizbee ” Harrybarked at the gargoyle, which sprang to life and revealed thespiralling staircase behind it. Together, the pair started up thestairs, and Harry did not even knock before opening Dumbledore’s doorfuriously.
Severus Snape was sitting before Dumbledore’s desk,arms crossed and a pensive look on his face, when the door banged openand the two boys stormed inside. “Haven’t you learned to knock,Potter?” he asked coolly, leaning back in his chair and surveying thedevastated look on Draco’s face. He knew what this was about, had beenexpecting it since Draco left that very office less than half an hourbefore, and looked to Dumbledore for a supportive look. The old man,however, was looking particularly absentminded, and Severus ‘s mouthhardened for a moment. “To what do we owe the great pleasure?”
“Youknow very well why we’re here ” Harry snapped, and he closed the doorbehind himself with a particularly loud bang. Draco gave a start andglared at him for a moment before he looked at Dumbledore. “How can youexpect Draco to go home? Lucius is in prison, Draco’s sick...He’ssupposed to come to the Burrow with me and Ron and–”
“I am?”Draco interjected, looking confused. Harry had, in the turmoilsurrounding Draco’s depression, completely forgotten about Molly’sinvitation. “I don’t want to go to some–” He cut himself off at theincredibly nasty look Harry shot him, and he fell quiet and looked toSeverus, who was staring directly at him.
“I have alreadydiscussed this with Draco. Lucius will, in all likelihood, show up atthe Platform in London when you step off the train, at which pointAurors will apprehend Lucius and Draco will be completely safe. Youwill not return to Malfoy Manor at all, and so I certainly don’tunderstand why, exactly, you are making such a big fuss,” Snape sighedheavily, quite tired of having this discussion. “The Ministry says thatyou are to hold up pretenses. Write your father and inform him that youwill meet him on the platform, then prepare to go to the Weasleys forthe holiday.”
Dumbledore was being oddly silent through thisentire conversation, and Harry frowned at him. “Well?” Harry pressed,looking at the Headmaster with mild annoyance. “What do you think?” Hewanted Dumbledore to say that the Ministry was forcing him to go alongwith this plan, that he had no choice, but Albus merely disentangledhis fingers from his beard and met Harry’s gaze.
“I think that,until we learn why it is that Draco is so violently opposed to seeinghis father, we have no choice.” The statement was spoken softly andclearly, but these quiet words had a great impact on Draco, who took aharsh step backward as though he had been slapped. “As I have expressedin the past, I thought you would have been thrilled to have a livingfather, but as it is causing you so much distress, it is obvious thatyou would much rather spend the holiday stuck in Moaning Myrtle’sbathroom stall than at the Malfoy estate. Why, Draco?”His impossiblyblue eyes were now focused on the blond, who shook his head and mumbledsomething incomprehensible. “Well,” Dumbledore sighed, and he gave aresolute nod. “Would you rather tell Harry tonight while you’re alone,and Harry can relate the gist of the story to us?”
Draco noddedand grabbed the doorknob, wanting to be out of that office as quicklyas he had wanted to be in it. To his surprise, the door allowed himpassage, and he fled, leaving Harry alone with the two older men. Hedid not run far, just to the bottom of the steps, and there he sat downheavily on the next-to-bottom step and buried his face in his hands. Hecould never tell the story to Dumbledore, to Snape...The thought waspreposterous and embarrassing. He could tell Harry–would tell Harry–butthis was hardly the way he had wanted to do it. He clenched his fistsso his knuckles turned white and his nails dug into his palms beforetaking a deep breath to calm himself. It would not do to let one of theothers take over, not now.
Snape watched his godson run away,and he frowned before glaring at Harry. “You will get him to tell youwhat’s happened. It’s been long enough, I think. Afterward, you willfind the Headmaster or myself and we will have a discussion.” He leftHarry no time for argument and waved him away as though it were his ownoffice. “Now go and talk to him.”
Harry and Draco strode back toGryffindor Tower in near-complete silence. Draco was almost afraid totake Harry’s hand, and so when the other boy reached out and threadedtheir fingers, he was immensely relieved, and he leaned gently againsthis arm as they walked. “Can we take a shower?” Draco whispered,wanting to get comfortable before Harry asked him the one question thatwould answer everything–why Draco was sick, why Draco never wanted tosee Lucius again. He was slightly surprised when Harry nodded, notexpecting the Gryffindor to accept the invitation to a shower together,since they had not yet been in the nude together. They stepped throughthe portrait of the Fat Lady then through the portrait of Petronius totheir quarters, and Draco felt himself blushing as Harry went to thebathroom and turned on the shower.
His heart was pounding in histhroat–why had he ever made this suggestion? –when Harry came back outof the bathroom and walked over to him. There was a moment when theydid not touch at all, the Harry’s hands, shaking very slightly, reachedout to release the clasp on Draco’s robes then began to unbutton allthe troublesome buttons. He was biting his bottom lip in concentration,and when the last button popped open, his cheeks caught on fire as therobes fell loose enough to slide right off of Draco’s lithe form if hewould just move. “Come here,” he breathed, and for the first time indays, he enfolded Draco in a proper romantic embrace
Draco’sbreath hitched in his throat as he found himself pressed againstHarry’s form, and he buried his face in the other’s neck as he felthands slide into his robes, drawing them away from his body, and herealised quite suddenly that Harry had teased the robes until they fellat into a warm pool at his feet. He stepped out of them, feelingslightly ridiculous standing there in boxer shorts and shoes pressedagainst Harry’s Quidditch-robed body. He moved his hands to the claspson Harry’s robes, and it was as though, abruptly, he had acquired afever. His skin warmed, his blood pumping, as he bared inch after inchof Harry’s skin, and he looked up into green eyes as his heart poundedwildly. Then they were kissing as though they had been doing it allalong, bare chest pressed to bare chest, and Draco stood on one footand then the other, taking each one in turn in his hands and pulling itand its corresponding sock off while never drawing his tongue fromHarry’s mouth. He was dimly aware of Harry doing the same thing, but hedid not care, did not dwell on it, and he flicked his wand at theportrait, sealing it and placing a Silencing Charm nonverbally on it.His wand got thrown aside then, and he felt Harry’s fingers catch hisboxers just as his caught Harry’s, and they opened their eyes to look,wanting, into one another’s eyes. There was silent agreement, and thenthey were both completely bared.
Harry took Draco’s hands andpulled him backward towards the bathroom. The tile was freezing beneaththeir feet, and the stark contrast to the warm carpet outside the roommade Draco yelp. He dared not look down out of shyness, but he did nothave time before Harry was pulling him into the hot shower. The waterhit his skin like fire, and he moaned before closing his eyes again.Harry’s tongue pushed back into his mouth, and he felt Harry’s cocktwitch against his as he kissed back with all he had. The waterplastered their hair to their foreheads, and he thought that soap mightbe a good idea before he grabbed the bar and soaped up his palms beforetraversing Harry’s back with them. Slick fingers dipped down to caressHarry’s arse, pulling his hips hard against Draco’s own, and he allowedhimself to be pressed against the wall while kissing the hornyGryffindor in his arms.
Their mouths parted and Draco lifted hischin as Harry began to devour his neck. Draco’s fingers took a devilishnotion to slip between Harry’s legs from behind, and the fingertipscame into contact with the warm skin of Harry’s scrotum. He felt Harrypause, and he did it again, his other hand wrapped securely around oneof Harry’s buttocks as he whispered, “It’s me...don’t stop...” Teethscraped his collarbone, and he realised in that moment how very hardhis erection was, and he wanted Harry to touch it. The other boy seemedto read his mind, and Draco’s eyes widened at the ceiling as a warm,soapy hand slipped between his legs and began toying with him,“cleaning” him meticulously as fingers slipped all around the hardenedshaft and head. His foreskin was pulled back, and Harry washed beneathcarefully to a moan of approval by the blond while Draco’s fingerspressed insistently against Harry’s perineum.
The pressure madeHarry gasp against the hollow of Draco’s throat, and he reached back tograb one of those small, pale hands before bringing it around andlatching it onto his arousal. Draco weighed it in his hand, loving howheavy it was in his palm, and he began to stroke it in a way he hadonly ever done to his own. Harry stopped kissing his neck and broughthis left hand up to support himself against the wall as he pressed hisforehead to Draco’s, staring into his eyes as he began to jerk Dracooff in turn. His eyes darkened, lustful, and he moaned as his hips gavethe slightest little jerk forward before he had a novel idea. He tookhis hand off of Draco and pushed Draco’s hand away from himself, and hestepped forward so their stomachs were pressed flush against oneanother, and he reached down to take both erections in his right hand,stroking them together.
“Nnngh, fuck, Harry,” Draco hissed, hisknees feeling weak as pre-ejaculate dribbled from the end of his cock.He knew he would not take much longer, not with Harry doing this forhim, and he leaned his head forward to rest against Harry’s shoulder.“God, you’re going to make me–”
When these words issued fromDraco’s lips, Harry moaned loudly and shuddered as his balls tightenedand he came hard all over Draco’s chest and stomach. This reaction tohis words sent Draco immediately over the edge, and he gasped againstHarry’s wet skin as throbbing ecstasy ran through him and he emptiedhimself into Harry’s hand. Had he not had the wall supporting hisweight, he would have hit the floor hard, but instead he wrapped hisarms around Harry and leaned heavily against him, gulping for air andshaking as they both crashed back down to earth. The water quicklywashed their mess away, and he was mildly aware of Harry washing therest of him while he stood boneless against him.