Damned for closing herself off from him, damned doubly for laying herself bare. Was this some joke? He cursed her for her stubborn will, for being unable to admit the truth, and then, when she did so, he merely sneered. No comfort offered. Only her honor and pride taken. She’d realized she couldn’t demand his love, but knew now there was none there to give. Not his fault really. He performed admirably for a man in his position. What she’d mistaken for affection was nothing more than the true concern of one so loyal as he.
How foolish she was to believe otherwise. How foolish she’d always been. The Ivory Tower was metaphor… she was that pillar, though she crumbled before him. She had let down her hair, given him that which was needed to save her, but he shunned it without even a touch.
Asya hunched before him, crumbling slightly. Her form shifted to mist then back again, several timed before she finally rose. “You’re right.” She said coollie, though the true emotion was evident by the slight tremor in her words. Asya was trying to hold it together. She wanted him yes, but not for tears or any other form of persuasion.
She turned toward the French doors, her head lowered as she struggled to maintain her composure. Never was it so difficult as it was now. “There can be no forgiveness where it is neither felt nor deserved. Only amends, where possible, and new beginnings. I’ll give you one now. You are free to go, Diarmad. Not slave, nor servant, nor guard. You have a new job now, one that pleases you without causing you pain.” A thing she could never do, she knew.
“These rooms have never felt like home to you, so perhaps it’s time you find a room that did.” Like Cora’s perhaps, or even his own.
She shuddered and pushed the doors open, a servant scurried quickly away and Asya ignored her. It wasn’t at all that she didn’t want the gargoyle at his side, she wanted and needed him there. But to have him there so bound, loyal because of servitude… ”caring” for the same reasons, that she could not bare. Having him near intensified her lonliness, reminding her endlessly of how alone she always would be. And why.