Week Ten: Tuesday When: Night Where: Head of Halcyon Who: Cassius - Narrative
The time following his encounter with Valeria were a blur to Cassius. To all he seemed calm, the same man that he had always been. But Cassius excelled in appearing far more put together then he truly felt within. He wore a smile, he spoke casually, he saw to his classes and aided other students in counseling. But whenever the door was shut and he was left alone the calm faded away to something far more turbulent beneath. Something rawer…something that did not resemble the control that he had clung to ever since arriving here at Halcyon. He knew coming here would be a struggle…but he had not truly realized how much so until he was here. Until the emotions began to weigh down upon him and the strain picked him apart.
Cassius had kept his distance from all. Beyond classes and work he retreated, keeping himself away from the presence of any others. Including Selene. He knew she worried, he could feel it. But he did not have it in him to tell her that all was alright. She knew it was not. But there was little that could be done to truly ease his mind right now. There was too much unknown, such chaos tempting him from all sides. He had decisions to make, paths to pick….and he knew no matter what was done he would be hurting them. The both of them. He loved them both and knew that would never still. They were a part of him, they always would be. They were both sides of him. The calm and the chaos. The control and the lack there of.
But as complicated as all of that alone was, that was far from all of it. Who Valeria worked for was another piece to the complicated puzzle in front of him. A man that he knew would kill her in an instant if he believed she was not doing as he wanted. A man that knew how to use both of them to his advantage. What was it that he wanted? Not even Cassius truly knew or would try to claim. The demon had his own agenda and it seemed it was one that often changed. His death. The death of all. Swaying sides.
All involved were tired of these unknowns. But none were fool enough to try to go face to face with the demon himself. Though Cassius had begun to wonder if that truly was the only real option. To face all of his head on, regardless of what came to pass afterwards.
Yes he knew he needed to speak to others involved. He knew that he needed to speak with Selene. He knew that any ties to his other childe were a threat…he knew a great many things but none of it made any of this any easier. None of it truly gave him any concrete answers. Again and again he had to question if he were looking at all of this in the wrong light. As though there were something missing that was just out of his sight. He was forced to question what it was he truly sought…what he could survive…
Cassius was not truly certain what his “middle ground” even truly was anymore. So tugged back and forth the extremes were nearly all he could see.
Sitting to the edge of the bed Cassius sighed, running his hands back through his hair for likely the hundredth time that day. He had tried to rest, but though his body was worn his mind would not shut down enough for that. He’d fed upon bottled blood to help ease some of the strain…but that dull metallic taste did nothing but remind him of tastes he rather have. Blood that soothed far more then the bottles ever could. It was a taste that nearly made him feel ill. It was what he needed and yet was not what he craved at all.
The contents of one bottle was left still sitting upon the table, ignored and soon to be thrown out. He’d given up on attempting to choke it down. Given up on seeking rest he would not find.
Slowly he stood, moving through the room to stare out the large window into the night. He could feel them both, a strong presence at the back of his walled up mind. But it was a feeling he clung to….savoring it while he could.