He made his word stronger than her own. Asya understood. Better than he believd her too, she understood his loyalty, his oath, even if only in principle, but she did understand. Did he own word mean nothing? She had released him from his oath.
Though there was no releasing either of them from their eternal binds.
Still, it pained her too much to have him near. Servants she had enough and could have more… including guards. No, none would compare to Diarmad. And none, she knew, would be as loyal. But none else would mock her with their presence. His own was a reminder of barrenness. The nearer he stood the more desolate she felt and though his arms engulf her Diarmad kept himself from her, the embrace of his arms articulating the separation of their hearts.
Asya could not undo the past and by his own actions it would seem he was unwilling even to allow it when she tried to change his position. If he held her always to her past then she would be forever damned. Though that was a truth she’d long been suspecting.
So long at her side, not beccause he cared, but because he was forced, or because he gave word. Yes, she’d believed he cared, or dared to hope he might. It mattered little though, didn’t it? If he wished not to console her in he sorrow Asya would not force him, not any longer. Those days of forced sympathies were beyonf her. Asya needed a true friend, she needed to know that she could be loved freely and not because it was commanded. She needed to know, she needed desperately to know, or else her suspicions were confirmed… the suspicions that she would not be, never would be, could not be.
The look in his eyes had been a shuddering truth.
Did she think him cruel? Perhaps, a little. Did she believe him unjust? In truth… not at all. He had after all, given her all that she’d given him. The cruelty came in his frustration that she not speak, and so she did… only to be turned away. It didn’t seem a game Diarmad would play, Asya had never thought him a cruel man, though before him she’d truly believed every man to have it in him. Diarmad had changed her view. But maybe she’d been right all along.
Once their initial words were spoken, Asya glanced down the hall, another’s presence drew her attention and Asya returned her gaze to Diarmad. Their words were not for the ears of any that wished to listen. “Will you come inside?” She asked rather than ordered. For though he refused to give up his oath, Asya had indeed released him. And meant it.