Week Four: Saturday, April 27th, 2007
Who: Starbuck and Kat (and some poor bastard who gets his ass beat) When: evening Where: Kat's room
Starbuck seriously felt like chucking his computer across the room to smash it against the wall. He also considered finding a baseball bat and going ape shit. But, he didn't do either. Instead, he got up from the desk and stormed out of the room, muttering curses between completely illogical rants about the fight he'd just had with Kat. He considered going straight to her room to tell her off good and proper, but he was too mad. He'd just end up saying something he regretted, and considering the last shit she'd said to him in their journal conversation... she'd likely tell him exactly where to shove it and never speak to him again. No, he needed some time to get his head on straight.
Some people criticized his favorite method of venting, but he found it very therapeutic to attack the punching bag in the gym. He could wail on it for hours, attempt to knock the stuffing out of it, and just keep going until his hands were numb. So, that was where he headed after leaving his room, though he did hit a few walls along the way, causing those he passed to look at him strangely or in fear. He didn't give a shit what they thought. His head was pounding, and hitting random shit was the only thing that helped, though not by much.
When Starbuck reached the gym, he didn't even bother putting on gloves. He just walked straight over to the punching bag and attacked it. For a solid two hours, he slammed his fists into the bag, stopping only every so often to rest his forehead against its smooth surface and breathe deeply, in and out, trying to calm himself. But then the anger would be fanned again upon remembering what all Kat had said.
'Never'... and 'I know what my future holds and you aren't in it'. Did she mean it? It was hard to tell from typed words on a computer screen. He had no tone of voice, no facial expression, not even a pattern to her hand writing to go off of... all he could do was read black print. He knew that the stuff he wanted from her wasn't likely to happen, but he wasn't ready to write it off all together either. What the hell was she doing with him if she was so damn sure that there was zero chance of them being together in the future? It wasn't just the sex, because she could have gotten that from anyone... hell... Charlie would be a better choice if that were the case. The guy was about as uncomplicated as they came. He would have no problem simply fucking her when she got the itch. So why was Kat still bothering with Starbuck? Was it really some sick game?
"DAMMIT!" he swore in a booming voice that filled the gym and echoed off its cold walls while slamming his fist as hard as he could into the punching bag. He heard a collection of cracks in his right fist, and immediately he felt the damage. He'd likely just broken something, and the pain was crippling. Starbuck dropped down to his knees and sat there, slumped over, holding his hands to his fast moving chest.
After a few minutes, Starbuck seriously considered continuing to hit the bag. If he remained in pain because of his hand, fucked it up bad enough, then maybe the anguish he felt in his chest would seem mild by comparison. But it was no use. Nothing could distract him from the feeling that a knife was in his heart.
He stayed on the ground a few minutes longer, still trying to catch his breath. Then, in a slow effort, he picked himself up and left the gym. He needed to talk to Kat. He didn't know what he was going to say, didn't have a clue, but he had to talk to her in person. Maybe the right words would just come to him when he saw her, and he'd be able to make things right. Or maybe he'd finally accept defeat and just give up.
Starbuck shivered slightly as he walked through the halls. The sweat that covered him was cooling as air rushed over it. It had soaked his plain grey t-shirt and waistband of his navy mesh pants. A shower might have helped, probably would have been appreciated by Kat, but he wasn't going to waste another moment before talking to her. He stepped into Aquatic House and walked silently into the women's dorm. Starbuck paused for just a second as he raised his hand to her door, but then he went ahead and knocked, calling inside, "It's me."