Remus Lupin is not all bark, nor bi-- er... wait. (somewhatshabby) wrote in greyunderpants, @ 2010-10-05 14:35:00 |
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Entry tags: | [1977-06] june, lily potter (née evans), remus lupin |
June 1977
Who: Lily Evans & Remus Lupin
When: June 1977
Where: Lakeside at Hogwarts
What: Lily catches Remus off his guard.
Status: Complete
Lily Evans was done with her sixth year exams and it was a relief. She's spent so much of the past couple weeks holed up in the common room or dormitory studying, that she hadn't even had much time to be fairly chummy with her newest group of friends: the boys of Gryffindor 6th. She'd gone from detesting James Potter's company to actually finding it pleasant in the last nine months, and thus had spent more time getting to know Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, and Remus Lupin better as well. While she was still a bit awkward around Sirius and Pete, Remus was someone she'd considered a friend for a couple years now, but hadn't been able to actually spend a whole lot of time with outside of prefect duties and classes. Now she thought she officially considered him a close friend, and felt comfortable talking to him the majority of the time, and he seemed to reciprocate... except for once a month. He'd get sick. He'd had to rearrange Prefect rounds every so often since 5th year and while she'd been curious then, she was flat out skeptical of his 'illness' now. Not that he was feeling under the weather once a month, that was obvious by his pale face and shabbier than usual look, but now that she'd lined it up with the moon cycle... and James and the rest seemed to disappear around that time too. Just for the nights, but Lily had gone so far as to casually spend longer than usual in the common room for the night and she'd been met with a slightly dodgy James Potter encouraging her to get some sleep lest she overwork herself studying. He wasn't forceful, but he'd certainly been persistent about it. She'd obliged, if only to respect their privacy rather than be inappropriately nosy, but too many dots were being connected in her mind, and all it took was a few trips to the library to come up with a pretty promising hypothesis. Of course, she asked James, and he'd averted his eyes and lost his usual swagger, or even his somewhat endearing over-charming attitude he saved just for her, and finally admitted that it was something that was only Remus's to admit. While Lily had expected something was up, she was a bit surprised and even a little impressed at James's unwillingness to budge for one of his best friends. Even when it came to the girl he blatantly had interest in. Lily respected that, and thus was headed down to the lake that breezy afternoon the day after exams where she knew the boys and especially Remus liked to spend their time outdoors. Sure enough, she spotted him, book in hand, and luckily for her, none of his louder mates in sight. Perfect timing. "Remus!" she called with a large smile and wave as she approached. "You here all by yourself?" she asked as she got close, tucking some deep red hair behind her ear. There was a similar relief that had found Remus -- or vice versa, really -- now that examinations were done with and the full summer holiday was right around the corner. He'd considered his options for the afternoon, as well, and found that despite being entirely presented with a world that was his oyster, it was the simpleness of plucking up a P. G. Wodehouse book and taking that one lakeside tuft of grass beneath the Beech tree that suited his fancy the most. There was a pleasant breeze that tugged some of the coolness of the lake along with it, and without James, Sirius, and Peter around, there was a blissful quiet. Well, almost. Remus pulled his sights up from the book once he heard his name called, brows drawn up as he leaned over to better see who was approaching from around the side of the tree. A smile settled on his face at the instant recognition of Lily Evans, and he nodded to her question. "Just me and --" He tapped the cover of his paperback. "-- an old friend spending some quality time together." Remus folded the book up, placing a marker inside as he nodded to the open... well, everything around him. "Take a seat. Odds are you won't ever find this area any quieter than it is now. Bit of a miracle, really." Lily had to grin a bit at that, and took him up on his invitation without hesitation. "It is really nice out here, isn't it?" she started after she'd settled in next to him, looking over at his book curiously and stretching a hand out in silent question. Once he'd handed it to her, she perused the inside cover and the back, taking in what he was reading and mentally noting to check the author's name out later as she'd been doing with pretty much Remus's entire library all year. She handed it back to him and sighed happily. "These couple days at Hogwarts are my favourites. If they would always be like this, I'd never go home." It was true, especially as home had been lacking a mother for just over two years now, and Petunia got more irritable around her every day. All of that was fairly easy to ignore on such a day as this though, and besides she was here on one of her nosier missions. "Where are the loud lot of them, anyway?" "Beautiful day out," Remus agreed. Wodehouse was deposited at his side, and he took a brief moment to switch the arrangement of his crossed ankles at the end of his out-stretched legs. Pins and needles had a habit of sneaking up on him the longer he kept stationary, even if there wasn't a single thing requiring him to get up and he quite enjoyed lounging right where he was. Trying to get to his feet on sleeping legs was always a cartoonish thing, and the feeling never struck Remus as pleasant, after all. He gave a shrug. Wherever Messrs Padfoot, Prongs, and Wormtail had gone off to, they were more than welcome to stay there and not at all worry after their missing mate. "Harassing Professor McGonagall? Always a strong possibility. There'll be a whole summer without her, and I know that always breaks Sirius's heart." Snickering softly at that Lily rolled her eyes as she'd done so many times over the last year. It was so different these days, actually finding the four of them amusing instead of aggravating. Lily pressed her lips together in a moment of thought, wringing her hands in a bit of a nervous habit, then finally took a breath and spoke up, a bit hesitantly. "Remus... can I ask you a question?" she said, ignoring the redundancy of that opening statement and lifting her brows hopefully. "You can ask two, if you'd like," Remus replied, half-grinning as he looked out across the lake. The distraction from Lily was enough to miss her fretting, but he caught it once he reeled his focus back in. His smile dimmed, brows knitted lightly. "Is something the matter?" Sighing, Lily pursed her lips, knowing this probably looked as if she was going to inquire about some girly confusion over James or something stupid, so she tried to put it out there without making him lean in that direction. "Well... I asked James about how you're sick a lot, and if there was something wrong and he told me I needed to ask you about this..." Oh yes, that was working well, Lily. "And this may be a really stupid question, actually..." What if he wasn't? What if she was really just paranoid and going mad and he was about to be deeply insulted about the whole thing? Well, too late now. Her expression turned to a cringe. "Are you a werewolf?" she blurted before she could stop herself, and she was left blinking, lips parted and realising how completely insensitive a way that was to go about it. But she was done sugar-coating it, that was apparent. Remus's expression had shifted from curious straight into uncertain the more Lily kept on. Something was eating at her enough to make it hard to get the question out, and there were words that sent up great, big, flapping red flags. 'Sick'. 'Something wrong'. The W-one was what pushed him over the edge from where his heart was merely thumping quicker than usual to flat-out pounding against his ribcage. If Lily thought she felt anything like the definition of 'stunned', then Remus was several leaps and bounds beyond even that. He hoped he was somewhat keeping it off his face as he silently fumbled for a sensible reply. Maybe in second year he'd stuttered out something to try and deny it, but this was four years later. Full mastery of the English language was on his side, as was something like maturity, and he wasn't about to go to pieces like he was twelve years old again. "Why would -- what did James tell you?" Remus heard himself ask over the pounding in his ears. Lily's green eyes widened when she saw him go into something of an internal panic and she quickly turned to face him completely, putting a hand on his arm "Oh! No-no, James didn't say a word, Remus, nothing like that!" she told him quickly, not wanting to get James in trouble after he'd been so stubborn to keep Remus's secret. "I just- well, you're sick every month, around the full moon, and the lot of you disappear for the nights, and I did a bit of research-" she tried to explain quickly enough for him to know that it was okay. She looked at him apologetically. "I'm sorry, I know you probably don't want anyone knowing, but after putting it all together... I mean," she paused, realising he hadn't actually admitted it. "If I'm right. And you can tell me, Remus, if I am. If not, I really, I didn't mean any offense at all, I swear..." Remus was nobly trying to keep up. With his thoughts in disarray, it wasn't the easiest thing to hone in on Lily's voice and actually understand what she was saying. James didn't tell her anything, it sounded like. That was an upside, wasn't it? Excepting the rest of what she said, at least. Which was difficult. The rest wasn't inclined to be excepted willingly. The picturesque lake view was wholly forgotten as Remus blinked, quietly debating his options now. His eyes darted to the side, a hand grabbing the back of his neck. "I... I -- erm." He cleared his throat, not that it would clear a stutter, but it was the least of his concerns about putting logic to the action. "Can't really deny anything, here, Lily..." It'd be lying. He did that far enough as it was. She had facts -- and, good Merlin, if only he could find a way around those because Remus didn't think there was one. He felt sick, and made a fast mental note to move P. G. Wodehouse from his other side. Wodehouse didn't deserve to be sicked upon if his nerves got the better of him. Inhaling sharply when it sunk in that she really was right, she studying Remus for a long, probably agonizing moment for him, then wet her lips and spoke up again. "It's not too painful, is it?" she asked quietly, grip on his arm tightening enough to give it a sympathetic squeeze. After all the debate and wondering and research she'd done, after reading up on what a werewolf truly was and what it was capable of, Lily still felt only one overwhelming emotion now that it'd been confirmed: Concern. A controlled breath was taken -- in and out -- as Remus fixed his focus on his feet. This sort of thing had only happened a few sparse times in his life, and it never seemed to get any easier to cope with. Lily's touch brought him back from a distant mental plane, and he looked to her again, feeling marginally less like he might heave. Everything felt constricted. Everything. "Not always," he answered, if not a bit hesitantly. It was impossible to predict the questions that would follow, but at least Lily's calmer state was helping him. She wasn't backing away. His eyes drifted to where she was holding onto his arm, then. The sleeve was being tugged back enough to expose some of his latticework of scars that crept up as far as his wrist, and he felt an urge to break her grip and yank the fabric down. "Okay..." she replied, relaxing herself and finally pulling her hand away. She thought about it all, and what it must be like. Smoothing our her skirt a bit self-consciously, Lily wondered if she should ask anything more. Anything technical, she could probably just read up on... or maybe, if Remus was uncomfortable, she should just ask James. "I want to help," she started, looking over at him, then nodding as if acknowledging that her question was answered and for now she didn't need to know much more than that. "Next year. I'll be sure to sign up for rounds those nights," she told him with the ghost of a smile. He was expecting a follow-up question so much that the answer -- all the possible answers -- were on the tip of his tongue. It was disconcerting when Lily bypassed the whole lot, but Remus caught back up in good time. He spared some attention to his breathing, trying to keep it normal and steady as his heart gradually slowed. "Oh... oh, you don't have --" Something cool between his fingers caused Remus to look down. Only grass. When did Lily let go of his arm that his hand ended up down there? Right, not important. Where was he? "Don't have to do that, Lily. I usually have an excu -- I mean, not that I'm trying to..." He closed his eyes, picked one sentence, and aimed to finish it. "I couldn't ask you to do anything for my sake." Lily did smile now, and looked Remus in the eye, brows raised skeptically. "Well, you didn't ask, did you?" she countered. Then she looked back toward the lake and sighed a bit, looking more relaxed than she felt. She did have a million more questions, but those could wait until she got a hold of James again, or once Remus was used to the idea of her knowing his secret at all. "And besides, even with your excuses, I figured it out. It's too convenient. But if you never have to change rounds, no one will think twice about it." She looked back at him again then, and her smile had returned to it's usual warm state. "I won't tell a soul, Remus. I promise." He nodded, feeling it was the safest option while his nerves rallied for another round. It did take time to get used to others knowing, and if nothing else...? Thank Merlin it was Lily this time. Severus Snape had been the previous episode in that particular series, and Remus still wasn't able to stop himself from regarding the Slytherin with an overly cautious approach. One slip. One word to someone else, and Remus could swear he'd be taking a lone journey back home. Remus raised a hand, fixing it tightly over his mouth and ducking his head. After a few seconds of nothing, he lowered it, and took a deep breath. "Sorry. I'm good now," he told her. There was another short pause, just so that he could be certain of his wellness. "I guess if you put it like that," he tried now, and was pleased to feel decently certain they were the words of someone with his mental state safely out of the realm of panic, "I wouldn't turn down the offer." A smallish smile was flickering onto his face again, weak, but present, no less. "Good," Lily replied proudly, glad to see him calming down and even attempting a smile. She cocked her head slightly, long red hair shifting to the side and moving with the breeze, then she reached over him and picked up his book once more, more as something to do with her hands than anything else. "So, how do you think your Defense exam went? Flying colours, as usual?" she asked, leaning into him with a shoulder just slightly as if to nudge him back into the realm of normal conversation. The swap of topic was taken with no shortage of gratitude. Maybe half his vital organs were still recovering from the shock to his system that Lily's revelation had given him, but he made a solid attempt to will himself back into the casual atmosphere she was setting forth once more. "After all the studying I did?" he asked, swaying a bit from her gentle push. "All four hours I was able scrounge up when the others would let me? I have my hopes, Lily." |