Originally posted: June 20, 2006

Title: An Unfortunate Protrusion (or Two)
Author: sdk
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Harry/Hermione
Rating: Light R
Length/Word Count: One-shot, 1056
Genre: Humor/crack
Summary: Hermione is faced with a disconcerting set of circumstances.
Warnings: genderbending, hints of femmeslash (I suppose...)
Notes: Written for the prompt, A potion or a spell goes wrong and Harry is turned into a girl. Hermione is fascinated. Special thanks to my betas, quite_grey and knittedshadow for all their help! Any remaining mistakes belong to me.
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.


An Unfortunate Protrusion (or Two)


“I’ve got boobs.”

Harry’s voice stirred Hermione from the various parchments scattered on her desk, and she looked up to see him standing in the doorway, clutching his robes. She waved him off with her quill and turned back to her work.

“Don’t be silly, Harry.”

“I’m not being silly!” Harry stalked into the room. “I’ve got boobs. Tits - big lumps coming out of my chest!”

“First of all, they’re called breasts.” Wrinkling her nose, Hermione pushed back her chair and stood. “And you couldn’t possibly—”

Hermione’s words died in her throat as Harry put his hands on his hips and jutted out his chest. His black robes stretched across two large mounds that Hermione had to admit looked an awful lot like breasts, perhaps even bigger than her own.

She prodded one with the end of her quill.

“What are you doing?”

“Seeing if they’re real.” Hermione frowned, thoughtfully running the feather along her lips. “Did you take the potion?”

“Yeah, the one you left out for me. It’s supposed to increase my sperm count, right? How the hell do boobs help you with that?” Harry folded his arms awkwardly across his new figure, and Hermione dropped the quill on her desk, taking a step forward.

“Well, I’ve got to see them.”

“What—Why?”

“Because I need to figure out what happened.” Hermione let out an exasperated breath. “Now open your robes.”

“Fine,” he said. “Don’t laugh.”

An indignant response died on Hermione's lips as Harry gave her a defiant look, a blush creeping across his cheeks. Though she was oddly intrigued by the idea of seeing Harry's breasts, she couldn't take her eyes off his face, and a familiar heat rose up her neck; it wasn’t the first time she’d caught herself staring at her best friend. She was just regaining her composure when, without warning, he yanked his robes open, and she gasped.

Harry’s breasts were beautiful, no other way to describe them, plump and creamy, dotted by two blushing nipples that were hardening in the cool air. Hermione had the unexpected desire to brush her fingers across those breasts, plunge her face between them and lick and suck and bite—God, what was she thinking? Her blood was pumping too fast, warmth blossoming in her stomach, and she inhaled sharply.

“What is it? Do you know what’s wrong?”

Harry’s question brought her back to the situation at hand. Hermione was here to figure out why her best friend had suddenly grown breasts, not try to make a pass at him.

“Do you still have—” Her voice cracked. “Is your penis intact?”

“What?” Harry’s hands flew to his groin, his eyes widening in panic. “God—it’s—” He stuffed one hand down the front of his trousers, then visibly shuddered. His mouth fell open, but he seemed unable to speak, just shook his head no.

Hermione stared at the bulge in his trousers, the outline of his knuckles pressed against the zipper. Her pulse raced.

“I’ve got a—”

“Vagina,” Hermione supplied helpfully. Was it getting too hot in here? Perhaps her office was a bit stuffy. She walked around her desk and opened a window.

Harry didn’t confirm her answer, but his cheeks were redder than Ron’s hair.

“Maybe you should tell me again which potion you took.”

“The one you left out for me by your cauldron. The purple one.”

“Oh God, Harry—No, I’d left yours in the kitchen next to your lunch.”

“You made me lunch?” A smile tugged on Harry’s lips. “Thanks, I didn’t even see.”

Hermione’s cheeks turned a bright red that easily rivaled his own. “No matter, I thought I told you, but Harry, you took the fertility potion. The one for Luna.”

“I took the—bollocks.” Harry’s face dropped, and he flopped into her chair, sprawling his legs haphazardly as he ran a hand through his hair. He hadn’t bothered to cover his chest, and Hermione found her gaze lingering there against her will. She imagined herself sinking to her knees, spreading his thighs and arching her back as she licked him like a cat, swirling her tongue around one pebbled nipple; she imagined torturing him with a scrape of her teeth, sliding her fingers into his trousers and showing Harry exactly what it felt like to come as a woman.

Hermione didn’t notice that she was breathing a bit heavier than normal, a light sheen of sweat springing up on her forehead.

“This is reversible right?” Harry was back to panicking, oblivious to her hunger, and she sternly told herself to stop thinking such naughty things, but she couldn’t tear her eyes away from his new assets.

“I feel bad for Ron and all, but I really need to know if—”

“You’ll be fine. The potion’s only supposed to last two hours once consumed. Luna was going to come over tonight, once you’d left your…sample; but Ron and Luna can try again next month. If you take the right potion, that is.” Her mouth formed the words, but her brain was searching for some crevice in which to cram to her unwanted fantasies. She needed to focus on the facts. Why had Harry developed female anatomy by taking a fertility potion? Why were the rest of his features essentially the same and masculine as usual? And why did that make him so bloody irresistible?

Clearly, the facts were not helping.

“Well, yeah, next time I’ll be more careful,” Harry said. “Ron will have my head if I mess up getting his wife pregnant.” He grinned sheepishly, relaxed with Hermione’s assurance that his condition wasn’t permanent. Hermione bit her lip.

Maybe this was her chance.

“Harry, I think you should stay here until the potion wears off,” Hermione said quickly before she could change her mind. “Just in case there are any problems.” She finally managed to drag her eyes back to his.

“Good idea,” Harry nodded his head, and smiled faintly “Don’t really fancy going anywhere like this anyway.”

Hermione’s lips quirked, and Harry’s smile spread to a wide grin as he asked, “So, what do you want to do for two hours?”

He still hadn’t bothered to refasten his robes.

Hermione licked her lips as she made her way around the desk, perching between his legs. “Oh, I’ve got a few ideas.”

--Fin--








I'd love to hear what you think! And if you liked this, or are wanting to read something a bit smuttier now *g* please check out quite_grey's fic Learning Curve, based on the same prompt.

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