WHO: Sydney Cubb and Wes Atwood WHEN: Following this. Late March. Night time. WHERE: Syd's room in the Rho Iota Pi house. SUMMARY: Wes tells Sydney about his Abuelita and that he can't go on the trip. WARNINGS: PDA. Talk of hospice care/death of a grandparent.
While Jeremiah had graciously offered to take over the tutoring session with Emily, there was still the matter of work. With the backseat of his car full of books from the classes he’d missed and a looming deadline for a paper, it took effort to keep on task at Insomnia Cookies as he mixed dough, scooped cookies, and manned the ovens.
It was a slow enough night that they only needed one delivery driver. Given that orders were few and far between, he was able to catch up on his reading for his Child Development course. His internship was trying at times, but he could see the end nearing. A time when he could focus on work. Though he was still waffling with the idea of getting his masters. And possibly rounding things out with a doctorate. He had time. Time to think, time to decide.
“You look awful, kid,” Joshua said as he rolled from the back office into the kitchen, eyeing up Wes with a smirk. “I heard you missed classes this morning. Have you ever missed a class before?”
“No, sir,” was the quick reply as Wes deftly folded to-go boxes and packed away warm cookies.
Moving to lean against the table, the manager watched Wes for a moment before wagging his fingers toward the door. “Go on. Get outta here. I’ll finish up tonight. It’s quiet anyway.”
Wes barely hid his shock, his eyebrows pinching together, before his confusion faded. The bros wouldn’t have messed with work, but one of his associates might have. “It’s fine,” he assured his boss. “I just have some stuff to deal with at home. I only have a few hours left.”
“Nah, kid,” Joshua pushed, reaching for the box as Wes slid the cardboard tabs together. “Take home some cookies and get some sleep, okay?”
For a long moment, Wes thought about standing his ground, saying that he needed to be there, that he wanted to work. But exhaustion was climbing into dark places, digging holes. The idea of spending time with Sydney and Bandit was appealing, even if it meant his attendance record would be marred with the early leave. He nodded briefly and pitched the gloves into the garbage, collected his belongings, and headed for the door. “Thanks, Josh,” he offered quietly.
“You’re a good worker, Wes,” the older man said. “You’re always early and you fill in whenever possible. I’d need to hire at least two more people if you weren’t around. It’s time for a break. It’s the least I can do.”
As Wes left the building clutching a box of warm cookies, he quickly made a list of what he needed to catch up on. He could work on his capstone project while Syd watched something in the background. Bandit would likely be too tired to play, but she’d be warm and snuggly. He followed a Subaru into the driveway for the sorority house and parked.
“Lydia,” he offered kindly as she held the door open for him. “How’s it going with your Spanish class?”
“Oh, god, don’t even ask,” she groaned, rolling her eyes. “The work just never ends.”
“I know you can do it,” he said with a light laugh, passing the box of cookies into her hands. “If you need any help, you know where to find me.”
She took the peace offering with a muted squeak of gratitude and watched as he disappeared up the steps and around the corner. He wound his way through the house until he reached Syd’s room, knocking quietly as he waited in the hallway.
“Hey,” he said, leaning his temple against the door frame. “It’s me.”
Jude had texted her earlier, asking if she’d come by for some Kingdom Hearts. It wasn’t meant to be a standard gaming session, however, as the activity was more to bide their time as they waited for Wes to come home. That got her attention pretty quickly. Knowing his schedule took some work, but eventually, Syd figured out how Wes divided up his days. Downtime was always minimal. She knew he was going to be working way later than Jude anticipated, but Jude insisted Wes would be leaving early. Some stuff was going on. In the years they’d been together, Sydney could honestly say nothing had ever been big enough to make Wes leave work early.
She wasn’t lying when she told Jude she needed to study for an exam, but it didn’t take long for Syd to recognize how futile her efforts were going to be. It wasn’t like she never worried about Wes. He overworked himself regularly, stretching himself far too thin, but this was clearly different. She couldn’t just bring him a sandwich to make sure he ate, or lure him to bed with an impromptu makeout session. Studying until he made it back to the frat house was an unrealistic goal. Instead, she just picked a random novel off her shelf and tried her best to focus while periodically glancing at her phone. She told Jude she’d come by once Wes made an appearance, but she was starting to think, as time wore on, that she would at least be distracted if she went over now and waited with Jude.
The knock was soft, but Sydney reacted like it had startled her, jumping off the bed, book cast aside. Even though she’d need to let Jude know Wes had changed the plan, she was honestly a little relieved. Having him there, at least she could find out what was happening now. She only paused for a second, trying to straighten her ponytail even though noticing her appearance was probably the last thing on his mind, before pulling open the door.
“You know you don’t have to knock,” she said, reaching out to take his hand so she could pull him into the room. “You’re home early. You’re never home early, love.”
As she pulled him into her room, he set down his bag full of books and closed the door behind them with a quiet click. “It’s been a day,” he said with a sigh.
He slid one arm around her waist as the other hand wound behind her ear and into her hair. He rubbed her cheek with his thumb as he leaned down to kiss her. Maybe it had been magic that brought them together. They had met as children, befriended each other quickly by the water. Vowed an everlasting friendship. Now, here they were over a decade later. In the coming years, he would ask her to vow something different, but nearly the same.
Wes pulled back to press a kiss to her forehead and let her go. He had work. She likely had work.
“How’s Bandit doing?”
Sydney knew something was weighing on Wes. She saw it in his eyes, in the line of his shoulders, before she heard it as he sighed. But even with that heavy shadow, she couldn’t shake the initial rush of warmth as he pulled her close. It was a thrill, every single time, and not even a somber mood could lessen that instinctive sensation. Syd tipped her chin, pushed up to meet him in the kiss, and it took everything not to sigh, not to pull him back in and have a wordless conversation instead. It was a selfish urge. She let him pull back, but she shook her head when he asked after Bandit.
“Bandit is not the one having a day.”
She laced her fingers through his and led him over to her bed, nudging the discarded book aside so they both had clear space to sit. Maybe she sat closer than she needed to, but she wanted to touch him. She thought they needed a point of connection, like that would make this easier. With Wes, sometimes any little thing could help. And that was what she wanted. More than anything, Syd just wanted to help. “Talk to me?”
As she pulled him to sit, Wes almost wondered if Jude had said something. But he trusted them not to cross that line. Instead of answering, he leaned closer to steal another kiss. It was a tactic that had worked many times in the past, but he doubted he had a clear cut escape route this time.
“What if we just spend time together instead?” he asked, his lips pressed lightly against her jaw. “I can think of a thousand ways to spend our time instead of talking.”
Wes was cheating. Sydney would be lying to herself if she said part of her wasn’t tempted to let him get away with it. Not because she wasn’t concerned for him, because she knew how powerful touch could be. How much they could say without words. When his fingers left her skin, part of her always craved more. That was love. It was an honest, pure sort of addiction. Affection that ran deeper than anything else. As his lips touched her jaw, this time she sighed.
She could cheat too.
Sydney shifted on the bed, arms looping around his neck as she moved to settle in his lap. She leaned back enough to make eye contact. “Tell me nothing is bothering you.” She smiled, but there was an air of sadness to it. She idly started playing her fingertips through his hair. “Say it, and mean it, and you’re clear to launch into all one thousand of those other ways to spend our time. But you have to mean it, Wes.”
His hands rested on either side of her waist, protectively, as she found her way into his lap. He would have lied, but there was a simplicity to their relationship. The expectation that they didn’t. That if it was important, they would share. Because Wes shared everything he had with her. Jude and Jeremiah. His home. His family. His dog. What was his was rightfully hers in a way that had never been before.
He closed his eyes at her words and sighed again, wishing he were somehow stronger. “I can’t go on the trip,” he offered, his words barely above a whisper. “Abuelita isn’t expected to make it much longer. They moved her into hospice.”
The words were so soft, but they filled every sense. They wrapped around them, this dark bubble that made it feel impossible, in that first moment, to breathe. Her smile, sad as it had been, faltered, no longer appropriate now that the truth was there, stretched bare and raw and horrible between them. Sydney felt her chest tighten, sorrow for Wes already seeping in. She knew grief. He did too. But Sydney wished there was a way to keep him safe from more of it. As close as they already were, Sydney leaned even closer, forehead gently pressed to his.
“What can I do?” she whispered. This was big enough to leave work early. Big enough to cancel his crazy trip with his friends. Sydney didn’t care what he said next. Whatever he asked for, she knew she’d make it happen without hesitation.
“Can I stay for a while?” he asked as she leaned into him. His eyes closed, breathing in the sweet scent of her shampoo. Pinpricks of exhaustion danced behind his lids and he sighed again as he considered the mountain of work he had to complete. “I need time with you,” he murmured, opening his eyes now to connect with hers.
There would likely never come a day that Wes was completely open without some modicum of prompting. But it felt easier with her. Like the weight of his secret had lifted. There was relief in that. “I also have a fifteen page update due for my capstone project on Friday and I’m two days behind schedule.”
Her exhale was too soft for laughter, but there was a lift of surprise to it all the same. If she didn’t know him as well as she did, Sydney would’ve asked how he didn’t already know her answer. With Wes, his past added question marks where they had no business being. It was her job to reassure him. To ease back his doubts. Even when it made her heart ache for him. Even when it nearly brought tears to her eyes.
“If I had my way, you’d never leave,” she replied. The lazy circle of her fingertips slipped from his hair to the back of his neck, applying gentle pressure where she knew he constantly had knots of tension. She pulled back just enough to meet his gaze. “I’ll give you all the time in the world.” This time, her smile wasn’t tinged with sadness. It was soft, and warm, and unabashedly honest. For her, being open was easy. They were a funny pair, in that sense.
“But we aren’t talking about school or work. We aren’t even thinking about it. Deal?”
Wes hummed in reply, his expression brightening, as her touch changed and refocused. “Jeremiah would miss me too much if I stayed. He has a basic need for companionship in the wee hours of the morning when normal people are asleep.” He leaned into her again to catch her lips in a quick kiss.
He wouldn’t agree to ignore school, if only because he would wait until she fell asleep in his arms to sneak away and catch up on the chapters of reading that were due. To scribble outlines in the dark with the hint of light from his screen. He’d missed an entire day of classes and if Syd had her way, she’d probably have him miss more.
“It’s also probable that he would mutiny if his supply of chocolate chip cookies dried up. And I wouldn’t want to be around to witness your downfall when that day came.”
At some point, they were going to have to circle back to his abuelita. Sydney knew that conversation couldn’t be finished, if only because pressing Wes was the only way he’d actually start processing the situation as a whole. Right now, though, he was relaxing beneath her touch, cracking jokes. Syd thought he deserved that. Tackling the hard stuff in pieces was still tackling the hard stuff. And she wasn’t going anywhere, so they could start as slow as he needed them to.
Sydney shook her head, letting out a gentle laugh low enough to just be shared between the two of them. Hushed and intimate, even though the conversation wasn’t private in nature.
“Jeremiah Blake is a teddy bear. He won’t lead to my downfall. I’d just have the other Rhos bring him cookie baskets to keep him plump and content.” Her smile stretched slowly, and she slipped into a pause where she couldn’t help but look at him, really look at him. The inevitable outcome was another kiss, but she didn’t rush it like he had. She saw no harm in letting it linger. “Guess you’re stuck with me, Wes.”
“Mm, that’s what you think,” he hummed in disagreement before she succeeded in distracting him. The kiss pushed most thoughts out of his mind as he focused solely on Syd. He found himself carefully readjusting so that he could press her gently back onto the bed against the pillows, officially moving her book to the floor or the nightstand—he wasn’t looking.
The house could have been on fire and he wouldn’t have noticed.
There was a knock on the door and Wes scrambled to right himself, mindful of maintaining Syd’s position and respect within the house and with her sisters.
Lydia poked her head into the room without asking. “Oooh,” she cooed, waggling fingers at the pair. “I totally interrupted something. My bad. Uh, Syd, do you have the notes from class earlier that I could borrow? I would lie and say that lectures are my thing, but once that man starts talking, I stop listening. It’s a blessing and a curse.” She shrugged for emphasis of her apathy.
In truth, Sydney was quickly recognizing the benefits of circling back to the aforementioned conversation later. Wes was making a convincing argument. There was comfort in the familiar way his body shifted with hers, the careful way he touched her, the gentleness behind his intent. They could talk later, when he was a little more relaxed. A little less tightly wound.
The knock made her sigh, but Sydney couldn’t help but laugh at the way Wes bolted upright. She rubbed her hands over her face to cover the slight blush that rose, but with Lydia already standing in the doorway, it wasn’t like Sydney could realistically deny anything. Not that there was any reason to be embarrassed, but with a house of sorority sisters, she just knew she’d face a playful ribbing over breakfast tomorrow.
That gave her the perfect excuse to bring Wes breakfast in bed, though.
Resigned to deal with the interruption, Sydney pushed her way to standing and walked over to her desk. “Tell me about it,” she replied as she rearranged her pile of notebooks to find the one Lydia needed. “Try studying with this one in the room.” She gestured in Wes’ direction with a teasing smile forming across her lips. “Here you go, Lydia.” With a wink, the other girl took the notebook and left.
This time, Sydney made a point of locking the door. Though, when she turned to face Wes, she was reminded of everything going on outside of this very small, very tender moment. “So what’s the game plan?” she asked him. “Since Jer won’t let me keep you here indefinitely, we have to face the world eventually. What are we doing then?” Wes would avoid things for as long as he could, but he wasn’t alone in this. Sydney thought the reminder might not hurt.
With the door locked, the tension in his shoulders released as he settled back onto the bed. A blush had risen into his cheeks at the intrusion, but lingered as Sydney turned to look at him. He took a moment to appreciate the woman standing in front of him. She was beautiful. She was smart. She was good. Where others cared about what the world could do for them, she cared about what she could do for the world.
For him.
“Come here,” he said, stretching out a hand in her direction. “Since Josh sent me home early, we have more time than we usually do.” Without Bandit begging for attention, it meant he had a reasonable amount of time with her. Even if he intended to devote some of it to catching up on his school work.
“We can do whatever you want.”
When he looked at her like that, Sydney could feel a good portion of her resolve start to crumble. He made her feel like he saw her completely, all the good and the bad, the quirks and the flaws, and he was choosing it all. Sometimes it still surprised her. She’d never felt for anyone what she felt for Wes. But that kept her from caving again. Wes wouldn’t always ask for the things he needed. It was her job to try answering those needs anyway.
Returning to the bed, Sydney folded her legs underneath her, hands resting atop her thighs. Hands to herself, most importantly.
“I know you’d rather not talk about it. But I just need to know what happens next. I’m here, Wes. Where you go, I go. Whatever you need. So if there isn’t a plan, I’ll help you make one. If you know the next move, count me in.” The rest of the night was his. But she couldn’t give him everything, every ounce of her attention, if they didn’t have this conversation first. “If you’re going tomorrow, or a week from now, or without any warning at all, I’m with you. Just let me be on the same page, yeah?”
The words weren’t ones she needed to say. He knew her truth already. That she was there for him no matter what the circumstances. It was a feeling he didn’t fully know what to do with, a fullness that expanded in his chest and pushed until he found himself explaining.
“I’m going to head home over break,” he said, glancing up at her as he found his gaze drifting from her face toward the sheets. “My sister said that Abuelita isn’t doing well, so I wanted to say goodbye at the least. They’re already making funeral plans. I was—” His words cut off after a moment. “Would you come with me?” he asked now, reaching out a hand to rest gently on her knee. “It would mean so much to me if you were there.”
He swallowed hard and sighed again, feeling grief over Abuelita and the lingering guilt that he still wanted to go on the trip despite everything. “It’s—” Pause. “What I have is yours, Syd. All of it. I don’t want to do this without you.”
Sydney nodded as he began to speak, taking no offense when his gaze started drifting. This wasn’t easy for him. The situation, of course, but in general, these types of things were harder on Wes. He was better at showing than telling. When there was no choice but to tell, Sydney just knew to be patient. She would always be patient.
The reintroduction of physical contact made all the sense in the world, considering how important touch could be with them. Sydney instinctively turned her hand beneath his, palms touching softly. When she looked at him, she had a thousand different things she wanted to say. That he was crazy for ever thinking he’d be doing this alone. That nothing in the world could stop her from standing at his side to support him. But she kept that all to herself, because Wes was still surprised when people were in his corner. Life had done that to him, made him hesitant and uncertain. But it didn’t change that he had people who loved him more than words, people willing to step up no matter what, whether he found the words to ask or not.
“I’m there,” she said, and, knowing it was settled, knowing they had covered what needed to be covered, she shifted onto her knees to move closer, her unoccupied hand cupping his jaw. “Always. There’s no ‘without me.’ Like I said, love, you’re stuck with me.” Tipping her chin, Sydney touched a kiss to his lips.