InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "All I've ever wanted is you"

Casper Kim (casperkim) wrote in gooseberry,
@ 2016-12-31 17:26:00

Entry tags:

! journal, casper kim

[Warded to Solomon]

I know that you probably don't care what I've got to say. I don't blame you and I'll keep this brief. I'm sorry, Solomon. Things are fucked up right now and I took that out on you. I shouldn't have. You didn't deserve it and you didn't do anything to provoke it. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time and there's no excuse for what I did.

And [...] if you want me to quit the team, I will. I don't want to fuck that up for you.

[Warded to Rafael + Kele]

I should've said this before, but thank you for stopping me before what happened with Webb could go any farther. I know I was out of control, but I won't let that happen again. I just wanted to tell you both that since the others are coming back soon. You don't need to worry about me what I'm going to do.

[Warded to Katya + Asher]

I'm sorry I haven't been responding to your messages. I haven't been looking at my journal lately. But I needed to be alone. I still need to be alone, honestly. [...] I can't be what either of you want me to be right now. Once you're back here again, it'd be better if you stayed away for a while.

(Post a new comment)

	Casper \| Solomon keepmarchingon 2017-01-01 02:17 am UTC (link)
	I'm not going to ask you to quit the team. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Casper \| Solomon casperkim 2017-01-01 02:20 am UTC (link)
	[...] All right. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Casper \| Solomon keepmarchingon 2017-01-01 03:22 am UTC (link)
	I'll see you at practice. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Casper \| Solomon casperkim 2017-01-01 11:44 am UTC (link)
	All right. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Casper catseyenebula 2017-01-01 02:33 am UTC (link)
	Don't need you to be anything. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Casper & Katya casperkim 2017-01-01 02:35 pm UTC (link)
	~~Bullshit.~~ [...] I'm not anything you'd need or want right now, Katya. Just believe that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Casper & Katya catseyenebula 2017-01-01 06:19 pm UTC (link)
	Why? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Casper & Katya casperkim 2017-01-01 11:08 pm UTC (link)
	Because I'm asking you to. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Casper & Katya catseyenebula 2017-01-01 11:55 pm UTC (link)
	If you're going to cut me out I deserve at least some sort of an explanation. But fuck it whatever. I know when I'm not wanted around. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Casper & Katya casperkim 2017-01-02 02:17 pm UTC (link)
	I gave you an explanation: I'm in a bad fucking place and I need to be alone. ~~I've done enough that I regret. I don't want to h~~ So just let me be alone. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Casper & Katya catseyenebula 2017-01-02 06:33 pm UTC (link)
	And instead of letting me help like you helped me, you shut me out? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Casper & Katya casperkim 2017-01-07 03:43 am UTC (link)
	You can't help. Talking isn't going to change anything. I'm not like you; I just need to be left alone. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Casper & Katya catseyenebula 2017-01-07 03:58 am UTC (link)
	No one is like me. I get it. If you want to be alone, so be it. Do whatever. ~~I'm just going to go drink~~ (Reply to this) (Parent)

Casper & Asher

guthriegazette
2017-01-01 04:36 am UTC (link)

I know you want your space, but I think it's better if you're around people who care about you. You're my best friend. Let me help.

[...]

I've never asked you to be anything and I won't be starting now. Did something else happen, beyond what I heard from your aunt? Are you ok? ~~Why didn't you tell me? I would have come back to school for you.~~ ~~Are you and Katya ok?~~

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	Casper & Asher casperkim 2017-01-01 11:46 am UTC (link)
	You can't help, Asher. There's nothing to do. [...] What did Eva tell you? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Casper & Asher

guthriegazette
2017-01-01 07:52 pm UTC (link)

Emotional support is important and something I can do to help, you just have to let me. Pushing people away probably isn't going to make you feel better - you'll just stew in all the bad stuff.

Your aunt just told me something had come up and you had to stay at school. I had sent you an owl, so she was letting me know you weren't there to receive it. I didn't ask anything else.

I'm not going to press for specifics or anything, I just...

[...]

What else happened? Something else must have happened. ~~I know you're probably feeling like shit because of not seeing your mom and whatever is going on, but this seems like an extreme reaction~~ I just want to help.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Casper & Asher

casperkim
2017-01-07 03:42 am UTC (link)

You sound like a goddamn therapist.

I don't need to talk. I don't need to hug it out or cry on your shoulder. I'm not a kid anymore and this isn't the sort of problem you can solve by patting me on the head and reassuring me in a soothing voice. ~~She's fucking dying, Asher. I fucking know it. And I~~ I've got to handle this myself. At least for now. So just back the fuck off.

[...]

And yeah. Something did happen. I beat Webb bloody while you were gone. Because he wouldn't leave me alone either. Happy? We've shared now.

[...]

~~Fuck you.~~

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Casper & Asher

guthriegazette
2017-01-07 06:40 am UTC (link)

~~Is it fun to put stupid as shit words in my mouth?~~ ~~Fuck I wish you just would have asked me to come back~~ ~~I'm not~~ ~~I can't~~ ~~I know you're hurting but you can't just~~ ~~Is he ok?~~ ~~What is your punishment becau~~

[Asher has scrubbed out scribbles at this point]

I'm giving you a week before I start harassing you again. I'll be the most annoying therapist you've ever seen. ~~I don't even know what to say about Sol~~

[...]

[There's a small dot on the page where Asher had been pressing his pen, prepared to write, but gave up.]

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	Rafael/Casper firstposition 2017-01-01 12:58 pm UTC (link)
	If you ever feel that way again, that you are upset and can't control yourself, come find me. I will not tell anyone what you do or say. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Rafael/Casper casperkim 2017-01-01 01:09 pm UTC (link)
	I will. [...] Would you mind if we patrol together for a while? I can ask ~~Gillis~~ Honeychurch. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Rafael/Casper firstposition 2017-01-01 04:56 pm UTC (link)
	That is fine. I can handle the arrangements if you like. No one will mind, and if they do I will find a reason to convince them. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Rafael/Casper casperkim 2017-01-01 05:05 pm UTC (link)
	Okay. I'll leave it to you. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Casper/Kele gaspingbreath 2017-01-03 06:09 pm UTC (link)
	If we do worry it's because we want to make sure you are okay. Can I hang out with you? Or maybe we can go for a run together soon. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Casper/Kele casperkim 2017-01-07 03:06 am UTC (link)
	Just a couple of goddamn saints, aren't you? You should probably be in Ribbonfin. [...] But I don't think that's a good idea. (Reply to this) (Parent)