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Timothy Drake (doyouevenlift) wrote in gooseberry,

There Cecil goes again, sounding like a calm, rational person. Chris doesn't roll his eyes. He's watching Cecil speak very seriously, and he feels distantly that maybe he finally gets what Levi probably always got about Cecil. To him, Levi's crush on Cecil was as real as Levi's crush on Reid. It felt like a hobby to him before. But now he's starting realize that maybe Cecil's an actual person, with actual opinions and perceptions, and maybe Levi had always noticed that - living with him and all.

"It's okay, I didn't mean for you to hurt me either," Chris acknowledges, as if he'd had completely control over any of that. He usually does. He closes his eyes again. "Go back to petting my hair," he adds, because at some point, Cecil had paused, and Chris had noticed, and Chris has opinions on that.

"I'm gonna be honest with you. I feel you, and I appreciate that you're so understanding and you listen and shit - that's real nice, you don't have to do that, but you're a good person, so you do it anyway. But there's probably no way in hell sober me is gonna take advantage of that because like right now I get that you're an awesome dude, but sober me's not really sure how I feel about you because he gets that you're an awesome dude too and it makes him uncomfortable. Not that you're like competition or anything, I already told you I don't view it like that right? This romance shit isn't a competition, either you have someone or you don't, and you can't steal someone that doesn't already belong to you - that's what my mom told me when she found out her husband cheated on her - it's not stealing when he makes a conscious decision to leave you - not that this is cheating, it's not, but it's similar guidelines, ya'know? A conscious decision was made, and I make peace with that. Sober me does too. But sober me's not a real fan of heart to hearts anyway - that talk I had with Levi a couple weeks ago was bad enough, because we were both sober and there were too many emotions, not enough alcohol. It was bad. Just between you and me, there were tears."

Chris is rambling just a little bit, and he's fully aware that he's rambling just a little bit, but he wants to make this very clear that he doesn't view this as a competition, he's not over here pining away for Levi while cursing Cecil for fucking everything up. That's not how any of this has ever worked.

"Anyway. back to what I was getting at," he continues as if something aside from his own confession has derailed his original point. From the lack of concern on his face, it's very obvious that he probably hasn't yet realized that he's just admitted to Cecil that he'd cried during that talk. "You're an awesome friend. And if you ever need to talk, I can do that for you too. Even sober. I probably won't admit it because I have an act to keep up. But I can help too. In case you wanna talk about something you don't wanna talk about with Levi or Diego. I don't know if you get like that, but I get like that. Sometimes it's just easier to talk about stuff with people you don't live with, ya know?"