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I read a wonderful little story. It was about two teen aged guys who were gay and seeing each other. They were sort of normal (as opposed to all of the angst-y, self-destructive or emotionally unavailable characters out there) and normal looking, maybe even good looking. Just two guys who were best of friends and in love too.
I started thinking about how I would go about it if I wanted to write a similar story with female characters when I suddenly realized that I couldn't. I could not even imagine it. I couldn't imagine two completely ordinary and normal girls, together and in love happily and securely. I couldn't imagine them growing up together and staying together without this feeling like something was missing. I couldn't imagine an ordinary female character without thinking that she needs a man to be complete. Even if the man was wrong for her.
I'm shocked by this discovery, as I am a bisexual female myself. A straight girl might need a man, as everyone needs love, or so I believe. A gay girl won't. She'll need a woman. Somehow my mind is locked in this lie that a woman cannot be complete without a man. I have no problems seeing these two male characters together and picturing the happily ever after, though. They shine and I think they have everything and more.
Perhaps I can imagine a big, manly, robust, alcoholic and abusive dyke-type of lesbian with her small, frilly and resigned companion, unhappily together ever after. I am completely chained by the stereotypes and they're yanking me around as they please.
I've always thought of myself as a very independent and strong woman. I don't even truly believe in this lie about your gender making you weak. I don't apply this kind of thinking to any other areas of my life. It's only love that is suffering from my hidden prejudices, prejudices I didn't know I supported.
Now I would like to ask you, has anyone of you ever been a prisoner to this kind of sexist thinking and if you have, how did you overcome it? Current Mood:  pensive |
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