| March 14th, 2005 |
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Once, when night seemed forever, I was with you
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09:24 pm
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Hi.
I've been having issues with my best friend.
Summer of 2002, I fell in love with her.
Fall of 2002, she met a guy.
Summer of 2003, she became engaged to said guy.
Spring of 2004, I came to terms with my sexuality and attraction to her and told her of said attraction.
Skip forward to winter 2005: Their relationship has always been very rocky. A few months ago, they got in a fight and nearly called off the engagement. This past weekend, she nearly had a nervous breakdown, her parents brought her home from college at 1:00 in the morning and he called her the next day, telling her "I don't know if I can deal with this relationship."
She's mad at the world.
Now, I don't know any more if I'm in love with her. I do love her, but I had a quasi-serious relationship this past fall and that gave me time to reevaluate a few things about myself and my feelings. I'm still desperate for love and affection, as I always have been, but I think any more, I just want the love of friendship. I'm not ready for anything romantic and serious and I'm mmature enough to admit it. But I do need cuddling and kissing and all, and I don't mind getting it from my friends (ie: kissed a female friend several times last time I was home). I don't know what to do about the best friend; she hints about wanting to try things with me if she and the fiance break up, blatantly tells me "she doesn't need me or any one else," clings when she's lonely, pushes when she's angry, and is generally hard to get along with.
Yet I'd still drop everything in a heartbeat to be there for her.
I need help.Current Mood:  confused Current Music: Fallen Embers - Enya |
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