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Emily Elwood ([info]tearslikerain) wrote in [info]genome_project,
@ 2011-07-31 13:49:00

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Entry tags:emily elwood, july 2011

Who: Calvin & Emily
What: Emily helping Calvin with his song
Where: Calvin's house
When: Sunday, July 31st, afternoon
Rating: Low/Medium
Status: Complete


Emily was happy to hear from Calvin and was interested to hear a song he wrote. She had never really heard Calvin writing a song before, maybe she inspired him to write one. Deep down she hoped it wasn't a sad love ballad of love lost or whatever...a song for Katie. She knew that Calvin had a hard time after they broke up and it hadn't even been a year, but Katie seemed to be moving forward with her life while he was still spinning in place. Since she was moving on Calvin needed to do that too. And he needed to realize that if he and Katie are meant to be together they will find their way back to each other eventually.

After she grabbed her guitar she started on the trek to Calvin's house. The heat outside was almost suffocating even dressed in a pair of jean shorts and a tank top with her hair held up in a clip. Emily was tempted to let her power control it a bit, but she was afraid about pushing it too far, also the rest of the northeast seemed to be suffering similar heat, it would be strange if there was a pocket of perfect weather around Frye Island so she let it be for the moment. As she got closer she got a little apprehensive about the song she wanted him to sing with her...it was a love song and he was Calvin...her best friend...they had known each other since they were in diapers. Normally the words love (in a non-platonic way) and Calvin would gross her out but now while it still was weird it wasn't so gross. It had been that way since he told her he would have had sex with her if she asked him. That image had been popping into her brain at random intervals. It freaked her out and she had to distract herself to get it out, however, each time she found herself blushing. Why would she blush over Calvin, she didn't like him like that. She loved him like a brother, like Evan, sleeping with him...uh, she just needed to forget about it. She was a teenage girl images of sex with any boy you weren't biologically related to would cause the same reaction. She would probably have the same thing if she imagine Donnie in that position. Emily grimaces and stopped herself before her mind could form an image of that.

Once she got to his house she noticed his mom's car was still gone, meaning she was probably still out. So she made her way to the door and rang the doorbell and waited for Calvin.


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[info]bothsidesnow
2011-07-31 09:23 pm UTC (link)
Calvin was playing his guitar -- playing chords and trying to remember all that theory that he'd mostly ignored when learning to play the guitar. But the secret to making a song sound better was probably in there somewhere. When he heard the doorbell he stopped playing and put his guitar down carefully, then rushed down the stairs just in case Karl took it in his head to answer the door. But the door to Karl's study was closed tightly, like it usually was these days. Calvin walked by quietly and opened the front door, smiling when he saw Emily.

"You made it," he said, welcoming her in and leading the way up to his room. He seemed a little tense until he shut the door behind the two of them. Even with his mom gone out, the house outside of his room seemed like a battleground, and he couldn't help expecting an ambush however silly that expectation might be.

"You didn't want anything to drink, did you?" he asked belatedly. That would require going down to the kitchen.

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[info]tearslikerain
2011-07-31 10:00 pm UTC (link)
All of Emily's previous thoughts were pushed away when Calvin met her at the door with a smile. She followed him up the familiar stairs, a path she had taken many times before. She noticed how his shoulders slumped into a more relaxed state once the door to his room shut. Were thing really that bad? And he had been feeling guilty about her wanting to lose her virginity. It had nothing to do with him, it was something she felt she had to do. Of course it didn't work out the way she intended, it was horribly painful as expected, but she didn't feel any different at the time. However, at that moment standing in Calvin's childhood room right then caused a strange feeling to come over her. The last time she had been here she was still innocent and pure, and now...she wasn't. She was a woman she guessed, it was a strange feeling, she felt different...older, more...experienced. Was this is? Was this what she had been expecting right after? After her talk with Jimmy she thought everything would just settle back into being normal after some time. But in that moment she knew things would be different, exactly how she didn't know, but it wasn't so scary anymore.

Calvin broke her out of her thoughts with his question, "Oh no, I brought my own." She held up the water bottle she brought from home. "When singing it's always good to stay hydrated, also with it being so hot out it's easy for that to happen. Also before you ask it's not my doing, and I'm not going to mess with it unless it gets really bad, like deadly bad." It was a bit cooler in the house so she took the clip from her hair letting it fall over her shoulders. She took a seat on his bed and opened her guitar case. "So, play me what you have so far and I'll see what I can do."

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[info]bothsidesnow
2011-08-01 02:46 am UTC (link)
"Not only stealthy but prepared," Calvin said lightly, sitting down next to Emily on the bed and pulling his guitar onto his lap. He fingered through a few chords and then glanced at her to make sure she was ready to listen. He felt a little self-conscious playing something that he'd written, even though it was only Emily. He could always depend on Emily, sometimes he felt like with everything else going on she was the one constant, though maybe a little less constant lately, she'd been going through some things too, but he didn't really want to think about that.

Abruptly, he started playing, letting the notes clear his mind. The awkward introduction that nevertheless managed to sound a lot like a lot of other songs. Slow, but not too slow, chords that traditionally went together, not a very complicated rhythm...and then he bent over his guitar and began singing softly, not looking at Emily:

Yesterday I saw tomorrow
True as memory, false as fears
Clear as sunlight or the simple taste
of scrambled eggs, sea spray rising
from a falling wave,
Like a ringing in my ears, ghostly sounds
that no one hears
I hear the rumbling of the universe's gears.

He interrupted the song, slapping his hand down to still the strings, and looked up and said, "There's a little more, or I can just stop there."

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[info]tearslikerain
2011-08-01 11:20 am UTC (link)
Emily gave a little laugh, "Well of course." She pulled her knees up to sit on the bed completely as she waited for Calvin to start. He seemed really nervous so she gave him a little reassuring smile. When he started she shut her eyes to fully immerse herself in the melody and the lyrics, it was really good, and just as she was really getting into it, he stopped.

"No, keep going, it sounds really good so far Cal, I'm not sure how much I'll be able to help."

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[info]bothsidesnow
2011-08-08 02:44 am UTC (link)
Calvin nodded, seeming a bit distracted, and started off again for a few measures in a different key, not seeming to notice until he sang the first word, then stopping in confusion. "Oh yeah, I changed that," he said, shaking his head and starting again on the chorus:

I lift my solid hand to the light
And I can't see through it
Make a fist, punch at memories,
I fight
But I can't undo it
No I can't undo it.

He played the bridge from the chorus to what would be the next verse, but there was no next verse so he finished with a flourish and then looked up with a shrug. "That's it," he said. "There ought to be more, but that's all I have."

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[info]tearslikerain
2011-08-08 03:54 am UTC (link)
Emily noticed his little flub in the beginning and that his main focus wasn't on the song. The chorus of the song was good, it was something she could imagine people singing along to, since the chorus is usually the part people memorize first. When he finished she laid back onto his bed,

"Well, it's good, there is no doubt in that, but I have a few questions to ask before I can help you. First is...what were you thinking about at you were playing, it wasn't the song...you seemed...distracted...is everything okay?"

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[info]bothsidesnow
2011-08-12 11:02 pm UTC (link)
"I thought I heard something," Calvin mumbled. He set down his guitar on the floor and flung himself across the bed next to Emily. "Everything hasn't been okay for a long time, but I'm used to that now." Easy enough to say, but he sounded like he meant it. He'd tested the limits and now he knew (whether rightly or wrongly) he had nowhere to go. He was used to it.

He tilted his head up to look at Emily. "But about the song...?" That he wasn't quite so blasé about; he hadn't got used to songwriting.



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[info]tearslikerain
2011-08-13 02:04 pm UTC (link)
At his little mumble Emily raised an eyebrow at him basically saying she didn't fully believe him. She then smiled and shook her head. She wouldn't push if he didn't want to tell her, it would probably come out eventually, he always told her everything one way or another. And just as she thought he explained what he had been thinking about. She turned her head to look at him as he explained. "Calvin, you shouldn't have to get used to it. If things aren't okay, you need to talk to someone, maybe Dr. Anderson...or maybe you could try getting emancipated, then you don't have to live here if you don't want to. Your mom and Karl would have no control over you then." She paused as she took his hand in hers, "Trust me if I think I could afford it and that I'd win, I would have tried to get emancipated years ago. But it's only one year away, and my dad's not around a lot so it's not so bad. I ignore him and ever since father's day and my video to him he seems to leave me alone." She paused, "Part of me feels a little bad...weird I know, but I think I hurt him. Or maybe he realizes how much his indifference has hurt me over the years. Maybe it will make him change...it doesn't really matter though. As soon as I turn eighteen I'm out of there." Calvin then changed the subject to the song,

"The song was good, very well written, the lyrics and the music go really well together. My next question will make it easier for me to help you and you have to be honest with me, don't dance around it just tell me...remember you can trust me with anything. Basically my question is, what were you thinking about when you started to write it, is it about someone in particular, or a particular time? If so what? Any of my poems I can look at and I remember exactly what I was feeling when I wrote it, every single one. You have to recreate that emotion and then the songwriting will come easily." Emily turned over to lay on her stomach and propped herself up on her elbows, "So...what is the song about? What were you feeling at the time?"

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[info]bothsidesnow
2011-08-13 05:01 pm UTC (link)
"My mom isn't the problem," Calvin said quickly. "She's--" he hesitated. "It's different for you. But my mom used to lo-- I mean, my mom loves me." He paused, squeezing Emily's hand hard without noticing it. "People don't change that much," he said, not even sure exactly what he was talking about. Emily's father, his mother? Emily herself, for all her attempts to change? Himself, even though sometimes the person he'd been a year ago seemed further away than the moon? "So don't you change too much, okay?" he said.

He fell back against the bed, staring at the ceiling as he tried to think about the question Emily had asked about the song. "It's about seeing the future," he said. "And feeling like a ghost, because ghosts can't do anything. And hitting Karl and seeing him fall and being angry but mostly it's just about...it's about things being too hard. Things that ought to be easy and natural and right. It's about not fitting anywhere any more." He put one arm over his eyes, blocking the ceiling view, or any view at all.

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[info]tearslikerain
2011-08-13 05:40 pm UTC (link)
Emily held her breath when he gripped her hand a little too hard, but with the emotions he was conveying it wasn't a surprise reaction. "Well it's nice to think that some people can change, other times it makes you wish they wouldn't change," she said in response to his statement about people changing. She gave him a little smile when he asked her not to change too much, "Promise."

Emily looked at Calvin sympathetically when he covered his eyes with his arm. She could relate to things he was feeling. Ever since figuring out her power coupled with her whirlwind of a love life things had just seemed much to hard. She pulled herself up and moved his arm away from his eyes. She then placed her hand on each wrist so he couldn't do the motion again. He needed to look at her and listen, "Hey, you do still fit in, you fit with me. And everyone changes Calvin, but some things always remain. Like, even though most of my naivete and innocence may be gone, I'm still me. I'm still that girl you met in the sandbox when we were kids. That girl who up until a little over a year ago thought dating was a silly mating ritual. That girl who fell hard and fast for your best friend, who currently seems to have become a real douchebag. Total Paul Atreides. I'm Princess Irulan, he's Paul, and I guess Annie is his Chani. However, I'm no longer pining away for him and also if Annie gives birth to twins then dies and Jacen tries to leave and make me raise his kids he's got another thing coming. I will find him and drag him back here and tell him to raise his kids cause that is not my job." She gave a little laugh and released one of his wrists to run a hand soothingly over his hair, "I'm still that girl who no matter what happens will always be there for you, the one you can always count on, the girl who will always care for you. So...don't feel like you don't fit in, you do and always will fit in with me."

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[info]bothsidesnow
2011-08-13 07:40 pm UTC (link)
Calvin, reluctantly, began to laugh. "If Jacen tries to make you raise his kids, I'll help you track him down," he promised. He let the motion of Emily's hand on his hair and the sound of her reassuring voice relax him, a little of the tension that he'd gotten used to draining away and leaving him feeling oddly open. "I don't think I could manage without you," he said, and leaned up toward her bending over him.

What he meant to do was brush a brotherly kiss across her cheek, but in the moments between beginning the motion and completing it, something changed within him, something that had been growing for a long time. She'd always been Emily, but there had been a time when he hadn't yet noticed that Emily was beautiful. Even after he'd recognized that fact, there'd been something about her that made the recognition purely academic, whether it was the old habits of friendship or just that she (and he) had other things going on.

He'd been telling her the truth when he said he'd have sex with her, and the awkwardness of saying that sprang from attraction...but it wasn't that pure an attraction that grew within him now. It was a complex mixture of attraction and protectiveness and possessiveness -- Emily was his, his for friendship, his to care about, and that was why he couldn't just leave the guy who hadn't treated her right alone. And that was why he wanted to give her something better than what she'd got.

Yes, there were issues, but the impulse moved from feeling to action with no stop for thought in between. He moved just slightly to the side and brought his lips not to her cheek but to her lips.

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[info]tearslikerain
2011-08-14 06:03 am UTC (link)
Emily's smile grew when Calvin started to laugh, she was happy that she could get him to smile, his smile had been a rarity lately. She returned the giggle when he said he would help her track down Jacen if he tried to make her raise his kids, "Good, there will be no place he can hide." She noticed the muscles in his shoulders seemed to sink further into the mattress all his tension melting away. At his comment she smiled, "Well, in the words of one of my favorite heroines of all time, that's what I'm here for, one save at a time."

She didn't think much of it when Calvin leaned up towards her. Emily just gave him a normal smile that faltered slightly when the expression on his face changed. She was about to ask what was wrong when her mind went blank for a moment and she felt a warmth burst against her mouth. Everything seemed to vanish and all she could focus on is that it felt...really nice. She moved her lips gently and tentatively against the pair she felt softly pressing against her own. She tilted her head slightly and brought a hand up to cup his jaw. Her hand then slowly moved to his hair and...she knew that feeling...she knew that hair...that is when it fully hit her about who she was kissing.

Emily pulled back in shock, her eyes wide and a hand covering her lips, "Oh my God, what did we just do?"

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[info]bothsidesnow
2011-08-14 12:59 pm UTC (link)
Calvin was just getting into it -- it felt so right -- when Emily pulled back. He fell back against the bed, disappointed, then a little shocked as well as thought caught up with impulse. "I kissed you," he said, his tone wondering.

He struggled into a sitting position, feeling awkward. When he dared look at Emily, it was with defensively crossed arms and a frown; he could guess exactly what she was thinking from her shocked tone. He himself was not in the least bit sorry that he'd started it, but at the same time he was terrified of what it could mean. Just after they'd been talking about not changing and always being there too. "Should I apologize?" he asked, a challenge in his voice, completely covering the fear.

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[info]tearslikerain
2011-08-14 04:53 pm UTC (link)
Emily was trembling from the rush of emotions that had hit her at the moment. What had she done...what had they done. She heard the wonder in Calvin's voice when he said that he kissed her. Had she not still be frozen in shock she would have quipped back with a 'Well obviously.' But her thoughts were still jumbled in her head. What did this mean, did Calvin have those feelings for her...if so for how long? Also...how did she feel about him? He was her best friend. Him and her in a romantic situation had never really crossed her mind. Sure, ever since he mentioned that he would have slept with her had she asked she had a few images of them in an intimate situation, but romantic, dating, kissing...she had no idea.

When he asked if he should apologize she moved to sit up but scooted further down the bed to put a little distance between them. She brushed her hair behind her ear, "No...no, you don't have to apologize." She bit her lip and tugged on a section of her hair as she tried to sort out her thoughts. She wanted to ask him why he did it but then she'd have to answer why she returned it. Honestly she didn't know. The minute he kissed her the idea that it was Calvin vanished from her mind...it felt so perfect and...right. Almost like a dream. But it was Calvin! Her best friend...how could it be him. Not that he was a bad guy but...he was her best friend, one of her only friends she felt she had at this point. Maybe that was it. They had leaned on each other a lot over these past months and maybe they thankfulness or devotion to the other somehow got confused with love or romantic attraction.

"Calvin I...do you...what did...I thought..." Emily kept trying to form the words to ask what he was feeling at the moment. However as she was trying to work it out another horrifying thing came to mind. "KATIE!! Oh my God, what about Katie? You....and Katie...and ex boyfriends...and friends...and no," she said making some wild hand gestures between the two of them. She buried her head in her hands totally horrified with herself. She had just broken on of the cardinal rules of girl code. You don't date your friend's exes. Sure she and Calvin weren't dating but she was sure that kissing definitely fell under that clause. Also they had been so in love and dating for a long time. They were voted cutest couple for goodness sake. Also it hadn't even been a year. "She can never be told about this. Anyway I think it was just a fluke." Her breathing sped up and she knew she was having a panic attack. Her next words came out extremely quickly, "I mean we've both felt really lost and alone recently and have gone through some stuff and we've been there for each other and I think along the way somehow we confused thankfulness into love, when it's not and we should just forget about it and never mention it again because it probably won't and actually it should never happen again. Right?"

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[info]bothsidesnow
2011-08-14 11:49 pm UTC (link)
"Emily?" Calvin said, projecting absolute calm in the face of her frenzy, despite the fear gnawing away inside of him. He waited until she'd definitely stopped talking and hopefully was looking at him before he continued. "It's okay, calm down. It was just a kiss, it doesn't have to mean anything. You're overreacting."

His brain had almost caught up with events and one thing was clear: his first priority was not to lose Emily as a friend, and if that mean pretending like nothing had happened, then that's what he would do. "It'll be easy to never mention it again because I've completely forgotten what you're even talking about," he said, moving forward like he was going to touch her knee and then pausing and then deliberately continuing the gesture. Pretending like nothing had happened.

"It must have been something about..." It took effort to think back to before that moment of impulse, the feel of her lips against his -- "Jacen and Katie? I mean, and Annie having--" He gave up on that sentence, the thought of Katie momentarily silencing him. He'd barely noticed Emily talking about Katie because he'd been too worried about her tone of panic, but he'd heard it and it had entered his subconscious and mixed with his own thoughts only to sneak out again as a Freudian slip. But thoughts of Katie just confused him, like they had been doing ever since he and Katie broke up.

"We were talking about not being able to change the future," he decided. "And I never saw that so it couldn't have been important." That probably didn't make sense, but he didn't really care at this point. As long as he said it in a calm tone of voice, that was all that really mattered. "We'll just be who we always were, just like we promised."

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[info]tearslikerain
2011-08-15 03:44 pm UTC (link)
Emily looked over to Calvin as he spoke as an attempt to calm her down. How could he be so calm about this? They had just kissed! They did something that had never crossed their minds before...well it never had crossed hers...had it crossed his? Was he trying to say something in that kiss? But she thought he was still in love with Katie. At that reaction to her name he must be.

She was so wrapped in her thoughts she didn't even notice him placing a hand on her knee. At his words that he had already forgotten about it she felt a small pain in her chest. What was it with her and getting kisses that don't mean anything...when was she going to get a real one. That pain hit again when he said it wasn't important. Emily then noticed his hand on her leg and she scooted away a bit more to make it slip off.

Emily ran a hand through her hair then glanced over at Calvin, no longer panicking, but still a little confused. "Not important? Calvin you kissed me and that wasn't important? Cal, I..." she trailed off. She didn't know what she wanted to say. Did she want it to be important, to mean something, but she had been the one to say they should forget about it. Why did he have to kiss her? Why did it have to feel so natural and right? Why did he have to make her feel so conflicted. Every kiss she had up until this point didn't really ever mean something. But Calvin wasn't the type to do that, he never does anything without a reason. She bit her lip then asked the question that was burning inside of her, "Why did you kiss me Calvin?"

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[info]bothsidesnow
2011-08-19 05:51 pm UTC (link)
Calvin winced as Emily scooted away from him. Why had he kissed her? It had been a terrible idea and it seemed like it was going to mess everything up. It wasn't fair, he hadn't meant to make Emily upset, he'd just--

"I kissed you because I wanted to," he said, caught half way between defiant (he was tired of whatever he wanted being wrong) and ashamed -- because I wanted to, was there anything more selfish than that?

"I'm sorry," he added, even though Emily had said not to apologize. "I thought -- I mean, I wasn't thinking. I just--" He sighed. "I know you don't think of me that way, we should just forget it happened like you said." Or at least quit talking about it, he never really forgot anything, but he could try to pretend if he was given half a chance.

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[info]tearslikerain
2011-08-19 08:39 pm UTC (link)
Emily heart froze in her chest at his words. He kissed her because he wanted to...he wanted to...there is was...the first time a guy kissed her because he wanted to...and it was Calvin. Her best friend gave her her first kiss that meant something and she had liked it. She had kissed him back and had she not realized it was him and if she wasn't worried about changing their friendship she would have continued kissing him. She liked kissing Calvin, part of her wanted to kiss him again. But Katie, he loved Katie and Katie had loved him at one point and probably still did in some way. They could never be anything, not only would Katie hate her if it ended badly she'd lose Calvin and she'd be alone and without friends. She couldn't risk that.

Emily bit her lip again and realized it tasted like him, she wasn't supposed to know what he tasted like and she wasn't supposed to want to taste it again. What was wrong with her, she had just told herself that she should just move on from this and forget it just like he said. "But what if I don't want to forget about it," she said in a whisper, not fully realizing she said it aloud. She met his eyes briefly before reaching for her guitar,

"I'm gonna go, I...I just need to think about some things."

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[info]bothsidesnow
2011-08-19 11:28 pm UTC (link)
Calvin wasn't sure he'd heard Emily's whisper, and even if he had, he had no idea what she meant by it or what to say in response. Right now he wanted half a dozen contradictory things with all the force of his being, and the pressure of all that kept him silent for a moment, watching her gather her guitar and prepare to go. He didn't blame her for leaving, but he wished she would stay.

"You can stay if you want," he said. "We can play music and not say anything." He didn't expect that to work. "Think as much as you want, just...remember to come back. I'll always be here," he said, dropping back on the bed and throwing his arm over his eyes again.

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[info]tearslikerain
2011-08-20 07:37 pm UTC (link)
Emily got to the door of his bedroom when she heard his response. She froze and slowly turned to look at him. He had resumed the position from earlier the one that had led to him kissing her. She bit her lip and approached him again. Bending over him she moved his arm away from his eyes and locked her eyes with his,

"I will come back, I...just need to think about some things." Emily gave a little smile and no longer able to fight the urge anymore leaned in and pressed her lips against his and held the kiss for a few seconds before pulling away and leaving his room and home. Once back at her home in the safe confines of her room she leaned against her shut door and sank to the ground with a hand to her lips. What was going on with them. Calvin and she were just friends, then why was kissing him so easy and feel so right. She brought a hand up to her face and went to lay down on her bed. Irulan came up to snuggle against her side and if anything it made her calm down enough to calm her pounding head enough to fall into a dreamless sleep.

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[info]bothsidesnow
2011-08-21 04:21 pm UTC (link)
He'd thought Emily had left, so the kiss shocked him and surprise kept him from responding until she was already pulling back again. But after Emily had left -- for real this time -- and the surprise wore off, that goodbye left Calvin smiling...but it didn't clarify anything for him. "Tit for tat?" he wondered to himself, smirking a little. He sighed and rolled off the bed onto the floor next to where he'd left his guitar; he pulled it into his lap and started playing, just getting lost in the music.

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