"I'm trying. It's really fucking hard." His voice broke a bit on the last word. Covering it with a cough, a sniffle and a clearing of his throat, he continued to look at the water. "I just...yanno. I can't picture her not being around. She's always ever just been there. And now she's not, and she might not be ever again." Fuck. He needed to stop or he'd be sobbing on her shoulder, and he did not want that to happen. Mia would probably hold it over his head for a long time, if that happened.