1. It's not better this way, not by a long shot. 2. Of course I'm bothered by it. You hurt and it's my fault. How could I not be bothered by that? And 3. What are you talking about "I deserve better?" This has nothing to do with what I do or don't deserve and everything to do with me (and a whole bunch of other people who really, sincerely care about you) being really, really worried for your well-being. If anything, Jacen, you deserve better.