Log: May and Jack Who; May Parker and Jack Murdock When; May 18th, late night Where; May's room What; What starts off as just wanting to be comforted by Jack turns into ... something a LOT bigger. With yelling and screaming.
May's in more pain than she lets on.
She doesn't heal as fast as Peter used to. That's just how it is. And it means she has to sleep on her left side (which she never does), because her right side is totally messed up. The scrapes on her face have faded the most, but there are still bruises and that broken arm. It's uncomfortable to sleep, and she while, yes, she wants Normie to be there for her, she really wants Jack. She's sleeping with Normie, might even love Normie, but Jack is Jack. Jack is her Person. Who she feels is currently being stolen by Phil motherfucking McCoy.
...But that's unfair, isn't it? Of course it is. Still, May's not too worried about fair. She just wants Jack, and she sits up on her left elbow when she hears him open the door.
"Hey, stranger."
Jack feels guilty coming to see her. Phil is hurting. Phil is in trouble. But he's been with Phil for the last couple of nights, and ... May's hurt. He feels bad for not seeing her except for a short while right after coming home. It's hard to divide his time, especially when Phil and May don't really get along. He's in love with Phil, but May's his best friend, and... the change is kind of scary. He doesn't know what to do with all of this.
"Hey there, girl." Jack smiles and closes the door behind him.
"I really, really hate dinosaurs now. I will never watch Jurassic Park again." Sitting up, May looks exceptionally pathetic. She clearly got fed up halfway through dressing for bed, in her pajama pants and the t-shirt she'd been wearing all day. She hadn't even bothered trying to get new socks on. It was frustrating.
"Oh, hon. You look like shit," Jack says affectionately. He goes over and sits down on the edge of the bed, smiling lightly.
"I feel like shit." May groans, leaning over to rest against his shoulder. "I hate this being injured crap. Make it stop."
"I can't stop it." Jack puts a gentle arm around her. "You'll be fine. You heal quicker than most. And you're lucky you're alive, all right? Don't mope."
"I can't sleep. I'm allowed to mope." May is not left handed, but it's all she's got right now.
"Did you take anything for it?"
"Are you kidding? I'm on antiobiotics up the hooha. I just took more of the painkillers, but it'll take time for them to kick in, so ... you know. I'm sore." May wants to ask him to just hold onto her, she needs the hug, but she doesn't want to sound clingy.
"Are you the least bit tired?" Jack pulls back to look at her. "I'll sit with you until you sleep." And do whatever he does, work whatever voodoo magic he has.
"Do I look awake to you, Jack?" May has trouble sleeping; of course she's tired, what kind of question is that? She can't remember the last time she's heard 'until you sleep' from Jack, but what the fuck ever. She'll take what she can get, pulling away to crawl under the covers, albeit clumsily, trying to navigate with one arm.
"Hey, hey----let me." Jack helps her into bed, calmly and quietly tucking her in. He doesn't crawl into bed with her. Rather, he scoots a chair over and takes her hand in both of his.
It's so weird, to have him there but not right next to her. She hesitates, bringing his hand to her mouth to kiss his knuckles before pulling back again.
"I miss you." May doesn't mean to say it, but there it is.
"I miss you, too," says Jack. And he means it, honestly, but he hasn't felt the need to touch May in the old way. They've fought too much recently. It's not just because of his relationship with Phil.
"I'm sorry. About the stuff I said before we went to the Savage Lands. I shouldn't have told you to keep your mouth shut." There's never really a good time to apologize for that, but he can't get mad if she's all pathetic.
"Whatever, it's water under the bridge, May. I'm just glad you're all right." Jack squeezes her hand tightly.
"Just take the goddamn apology, all right? I mean it."
"All right, I take it. Good. I'm glad you're sorry. There, do you feel better?"
"Yes."
Jack nods and reaches out to brush back her hair. "Any reason why Normie's not in here kissing you and making it all feel better?" It's sarcastic but it's not rude.
May frowns. "Because I'd rather have you here. Is that bad?"
Jack shakes his head slightly. "No, not necessarily." He's a little grateful for that.
"Good. You make me feel safer than he does." She's not saying Normie's unsafe, but Jack is Jack.
Duh, May. What the fuck. Of course Jack makes you feel safer. Normie wants to kill your dad and he's incredibly unstable. Jack doesn't think of it as much of a compliment. "I don't really want to talk about him right now," he says gently. "He's not here. And... that's enough. I don't.. um. I guess I overreacted. Maybe. I shouldn't try to control you. I just want what's best for you and maybe I don't always know what that is."
"...Thanks." It still doesn't change the way she feels -- like Jack wants to do everything except actually be with her and how damn frustrating that is -- but it means something.
"I just look out for you, that's all. And sometimes I'm controlling. It's wrong." Jack doesn't know how May feels. How could he know?
"I know. Trust me, I know. At least you care. That's nice." Usually.
"I do care, okay? Don't think otherwise." He laces his fingers with hers.
"How could I? You never let me forget it." Except when he's with Phil, but they won't talk about Phil. That'll just start something neither of them want to finish. May squeezes his hand, bringing it close again to nuzzle him -- a little like she's in pain, but she's all beaten up, after all.
Jack cradles her cheek, brushing his thumb over her skin. Easy, gentle. "I never let you forget it..?" He chuckles faintly. "Well, come on. You're my best friend. I'd be a shit friend if I didn't let you know I give a damn about you."
May rolls her eyes. "You have your moments."
"So do you, don't forget."
"Never said I didn't."
Jack chuckles, touching her lips briefly with his fingers, and then he settles down in the chair. Comfortable, Like he could sit there and just chill out until she falls asleep, which is what he intends on doing.
May was silent at first, cradling her head behind her pillow. And then: "You should probably go. I can get to sleep, I'll be fine."
"What's wrong?" Jack lifts his head, chuckling. "What, you don't want me staying here?"
"You should probably go make sure Phil's okay, with the way Pete came back." May smiles reassuringly, a little bit. "It's just some bruises. He needs you more than I do." That's not too much of a lie. Seriously.
"I've been checking on him," Jack says. "And he's been with me, a lot... and out and about, a lot." Marrying Rosie. What the fuck. "I think he needs some quiet time with his brother. I've been trying to distract him and... I'm not being fair. I think I'm taking up a lot of his time, and he needs to be with Pete."
Subtlety is not May's strong suit, and she doesn't have any more lame excuses. "Still. Your ass will fall asleep before I do."
"You're trying to get rid of me."
"So go."
Jack blinks sharply, and then he's slowly getting up from the chair. "Oh. Okay... I... all right." He clears his throat, nods briefly, and gives her a faint smile. "Sleep well." And then he's heading for the door.
Watching him go, May hesitates, pushing herself up on her arm and staring at his back. Her heart's beating funny, and it's not the sort of funny that comes from physical pain. She opens her mouth, like she wants to say something, but settles with a rather unconvincing, "Sweet dreams."
Jack opens the door, listening to her heartbeat, and he turns back to look at her. What the hell..? Huh. He tilts his head to one side curiously, and then he nods, giving her a little wave, before he slips out.
"---Wait."
Jack turns, leaning up against the door frame. "What's the matter, hon."
"I love you." But she's said it so many times it's almost like she just wants to say it, before he leaves. They say it so much.
Jack chuckles, resting his head against the frame. He smiles lazily. "Love you too, Mayday. You know that."
God, Jack, don't look at May like that. "Not like that, sweetheart."
He furrows his brow, his smile twisting awkwardly. Confused. "'Scuse me?"
"I'm in love with you. Which is why you can't stay here, because I can't take it. Sorry." Like it was something to be ashamed of.
Jack closes his eyes for a moment, like he's trying to process this information. When he opens his eyes again, he's still smiling. Like he doesn't believe her. "Shut up, May, you don't mean that."
"Jack, this isn't the painkillers talking, I promise. I'm not high on Vicodin or anything." May shrugs, helpless.
"May." Jack leaves the door open. He needs the exit. He doesn't move closer but he does straighten up. "You don't mean that. You love me, but you're not in love with me. Don't talk like that." Don't. Don't. Don't.
"You think this is easy for me? My life would be so much simpler if I wasn't." Her arm shook, and she sat up fully but didn't stand. "I'm sorry."
Jack stares at her, and honestly? He's nothing short of horrified. "I'm gay. And I'm taken."
"I'm aware of that," she says incredulously. "I'm painfully aware of that. I just couldn't not tell you, and .. .I can't take the hugging and the kissing and the touching anymore. I can't do it. It's killing me, that with the controlling whatever you've got going on ... I can't do it. I couldn't not say something." Sure, she's just screwed them over, but hey. At least her feelings are out. ...Great.
This isn't fair, May! This isn't fair. You're not supposed to be in love with him. He's your best friend. He trusts you. And now, Jack is feeling betrayed. All those kisses and touches that he told Phil meant nothing apart from friendship, all those reassurances that May understood the rules. This is against the rules. This is against their agreement, against every boundary of their friendship. He trusted her.
"I'm not in love with you," he says flatly. "I'm in love with Phil."
"I know!" May snaps. "I fucking know, okay? I don't expect this to work out in my favor! It already happened between us, it happened and it's over, because you're gay. Fine, whatever, that's great, you can't change it. I'm being honest with you. It's not fair to expect that you can be as honest about who you're in love with, and I can't be. And if it means you won't talk to me, then ... I'll have to live with it." May paused, swallowing hard and squeezing her eyes shut for a moment. "But watching you fall in love with him, while still coming back to me and ... trying to tell me who I should be with and touching me like that, it's slow torture. So maybe this is the lesser evil."
Jack has taken a step back, and his hand is on the doorknob. "I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to say to this, May."
"Me neither. So go back to your boyfriend; you'd rather be there than here." The hurt is obvious, but she's trying to cover it by being aggressive. Get the hell out, Jack. "Why are you still standing here? Go!"
"Don't give me shit about this, May!" Jack snaps, not willing to be the doormat right now. He doesn't want to be cruel to her, but her passive aggressive martyred bullshit isn't working. "This is not my fault. Don't try to make it my fault and for God's sake, don't you dare try to make me feel guilty for being in love with someone who isn't you." He wants to say something else, but he can't. The door slams shut.
"Hurts when it's on the other foot, doesn't it, Murdock!" She shouldn't have said that, but it's out there and there's no use in saying she couldn't help it. Maybe it's a little bit of revenge for every damn time he's made her feel like shit for hanging around someone else. It's easier to be mad than upset.