Log: Benjy & Mayday Who: May and Ben Parker When: Early evening, Thursday, March 13 Where: May's bedroom What: Peter has told May to give Benjy The Talk. ... Ahahahaha.
______________
It was times like these that Peter Parker liked to slack off on his parental duties and let May handle it. Not that Peter was a bad father, he just didn't particularly feel like having a certain talk with his certain teenage son, and have said son trying to burn the image of his parents doing the horizontal tango out of his mind instead of listening.
So he sent May to do it.
May sat Benjy down, more serious than she ever appeared when she said, "Ben, I think we need to have a talk."
Benjy had been running around outside, burning off excess energy, when May had come to get him, and now he found himself sitting in her room, in her armchair and hugging his knees. They were in private, they were alone, and Ben had a feeling it was important family business if it was like this. May looked so somber.
"Wh... what did I do?" he asked, blinking. "Is Mom okay---?"
"You didn't do anything. Or I think you didn't. I hope not." May made a face, sighing. "Okay. This is going to be weird, but ... Mom and Dad haven't done it and we don't have sex ed here, so ... I want to talk to you about that." This was weird. Dear God.
Benjy jerked back, scooting further into his chair. "What? Why?" She was his sister. Gross. And besides, he was sixteen. He totally knew about sex. He knew absolutely about sex. And... girls... and stuff.
"Because you need to know these things," she said reluctantly, as if she were trying not to squirm in disgust. "So you don't get somebody pregnant or something."
"Dude!" Was she insane? Benjy looked horrified and embarrassed, and he was crawling up the chair and then the wall, trying to bypass her and get to the door.
"Don't even think about it." May was quick, making it to the door before he did. "Let's make this as painless as possible. You know what a condom is, right?"
Benjy frowned at her, and promptly switched off his hearing aid.
"Ben! Come on, I promised Dad I'd do it. Just say yes. Please?"
He scowled, looking totally disgusted, but he dropped back down to crouch on the floor. "Fine." He scampered back to the chair and sat back down, scowling... and grudgingly turning the hearing aid back on and turning it up.
May sighed, plopping back down in her chair. "You know what a condom is, right?"
"Of course I know what a condom is, Mayday, I'm not stupid," Ben said with a scowl. "I know that I need to... use.. one. If I..."
"Right. Good. And if you ever need them, I can ... buy them for you or something if you don't want to get them yourself." She was bright red, running a hand over your face. "Um ... don't get STDs, don't get anyone pregnant. ---You can leave now."
Ben was bolting out of the chair, leaping over her, and halfway to the door before he stopped himself and turned back to her. He was shuffling his feet on the floor, looking intensely uncomfortable. "May---?"
"What, kiddo?"
"You... um. You can tell Mom and Dad not to worry about that," said Ben, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's not like I can get a girl to like me, let alone want to... y'know." And what was more embarrassing to admit, especially to his big sister, who was pretty and confident and sexy, and always had a boyfriend or something or someone flirting with her. Ben, on the other hand, was a complete loser. In his mind, anyway.
"Relax, Benjy. Dad was more of a nerd than you are, and look who he ended up with. Don't be so self depricating." Sure, May had a habit of constantly having someone around, so it was easy for her to say, wasn't it? Still, she was honest.
Ben snorted, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Oh, right, yeah. Whatever, May." But he blushed, and that really did seem to brighten his mood. Slightly. "But, yeah, don't... worry about the... condom... sex... stuff. I mean, it's not like I don't want to----uh. But it's not like... y'know... I..." He made a face, looking away. Ugh.
May gave him a reassuring smile, shaking her head. "I know. You'll grow out of it. Or into something better. Nobody's all that great at sixteen, trust me."
Ben rubbed the back of his neck, laughing awkwardly. "Can I ask you something..?"
May blinked. "Sure."
Ben hemmed and hawed for a while, shifting from foot to foot, and then he blurted: "I read books, I know where the clitoris is but what do I do with it---?!"
May choked, at a loss for words then. "...---What? No no no, see, you'll have to find out that one yourself. Sorry, squirt." She shook her head. "Just think of it as the ... feminine equivalent to your package."
Ben made a face like that didn't compute. "But..."
"Yeah, I know, it just ... take my word for it. You'll find out when you actually get near one." God, this was embarassing. "It's different for every woman, okay?"
"...Kay." Ben's cheeks were bright red and he backed toward the door. "Can you do me a favor? Please? Don't talk to me about my package ever again."
May couldn't look at him, rubbing her eyes. "I can do that, as long as you don't ask me any more clitoris questions."
"Dude. Deal." He webbed her hand as a form of handshake since he didn't feel comfortable enough to touch her at the moment. He wasn't supposed to discuss sex with his sister. Gross.