Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated, boys and girls, which I know some of you will be just so disappointed to hear. And don’t you worry your pretty little heads, I’ve been getting your juicy tips, but I thought it only proper to give a few months of silence while we all mourned the losses and buried our dead. And time will heal all wounds, but its a new year kittens and I know you’ve missed me. So I thought a fun little round of superlative ala Gossip Bitch style was in order.
Most Likely To Come To Class Still Drunk Fabian Radcliffe
Although since the Mermaid’s Royal Engagement came to a very public end, maybe we’ve seen the last of drunk Fabian? Or is Adalaide Rossumso heart broken by her true prince charming Reed Syereno’s sudden realization of being in love with his best friend Darcey Entwhistle
Most Likely To Star on A Trashy Reality Show Mindy & FDR Lozier
Rumor has it this might actually be in the works, because everyone loves to watch rich trainwrecks self destruct. Especially when they are presidental kids. Think of the ratings, Mindy’s wild parties and FDR’s gay affairs would give the American public all the spectacle they need.
Most Likely To Have Already Peaked Niko Callahan
Since settling down with our favorite resident photographer, he seems to have lost his touch and gotten…boring. But some day he’s going to be king and that means he needs a queen, right ladies? I heard his Queen mother has a different lady love in mind then our favorite photographer, Tegan Hood.
Most Likely to Get Secretly Engaged Viola Salem & Taylor Dyami
Color me disappointed those two love birds haven’t already run away to Vegas under the nose of Vi’s disapproving father. And if they haven’t, maybe they should, after all Daddy can’t do anything once you’re already married, can he? Perhaps Ophelia and Brett should take note, because everyone knows Professor Vance Salem hates that bad boy rock star. Frankly I’m surprised he’s still breathing, although I would be very upset if anything happened to such a gorgeous face.
Most Likely to Knock Up A Girl Who Isn’t His Girlfriend J.A. Quentin
Rumors abound about the prince’s inability to move on from old habits...note that is plural, and both of those beautiful mermaid habits, one Lia Martineu and ex flame Audrina Pierce already have their own gorgeous men wrapped around their fingers. Leave some for the rest of us, ladies.
Most Likely To Not Remember Last Night...Or The Night Before That Hennessy Lowe
Honestly, she’s my favorite little hot mess, she gives zero fucks and with the mess that is her family life and older brother Jameson Lowe’s crazy baby mama drama, I’d black out all the time too.
Most Likely To Have A Public Breakdown Dallas Hardy
This new sexy angsty side of Dallas Hardy is hardly surprising given the state of his love life. And don’t think I haven’t noticed Leia Saunders on her walk of shame every so often from his room to comfort him. He’s always been the best behaved one of the Hardy clan, but under that pressure he’s scheduled to crack any day and I bet he gives his siblings a run for their money.
Most Likely To Finally Lose Their V-Card Charlie Duncan
Anyone else think the Chastity club is just a front and really that gorgeous little unicorn is a saucy little minx under that buttoned up collar? Besides, I heard she dated Maddox Lennon and we all know he doesn’t do virgins...or they aren’t when he’s done with them. And speaking of the virgin club, how is it that Giada D'Archangelo has managed to keep the super sexy Angel Wyatt without giving it up? Don't worry, Angel, there is a line of hotties panting for you, who will put out.
Most Likely To Write More Angsty Songs About His Fucked Up Life And Sell A Million Records Romeo Rigotti
After all, London Hardy is giving him more than enough drama and leading him on to fuel another drug and alcohol induced breakdown, and we all know that’s when Romeo writes his masterpieces. And let’s not forget his brand new super hot androgynous half sibling, Az Grenier, that’s got to have some amazing material for a song. I wonder what Franchesca Rigotti thinks of her new gender non-binary sibling?
Most Likely To Break-up and Make-up and Break-up Again Until We Stop Giving a Shit Jasper King and McKinley Martineau and Sylvain Parrish
So are they or aren’t they? Which one is it this week? She’s been seen with both of those gorgeous crooners and I for one would rather they just stop this competition and have a threesome, wouldn’t you? I'd pay for that sex tape!
Most Likely To Have Sex With A Professor- Lourdes Backer I’ve heard she’s had sex for drugs, so I wouldn’t be surprised if sex for grades was something that came next. Or maybe it already has? I vaguely remember she was terribly close to a certain professor a few years ago, who has quite the reputation for young girls.
Most Likely To Finally Come Out Of The Closet Noel Ailil Why else would he have broken up with Nacola Menounos and never sealed the deal with the pretty angel princess after years of dating? And he somehow manages to spend quality time with the beautiful golden girl, Mackenzie de Felice and nothing happens? Must bat for the other team, what a shame for us ladies. Maybe he’ll just be bisexual? Here’s to hoping!
Most Likely To Keep Their V-Card Until Hell Freezes Over Quinn Littleton
She might have talent in spades and all the Gold and Silver to prove it, but she has the sex appeal of a wet mop. Unless Finely Seals disagrees? The two were spotted together during the Olympics...And speaking of Olympics and v-cards, I’m betting our pink haired equestrian queen Viva Tarintina finally gave it up to her sexy coach/teammate Darragh St. Laurent, especially considering that steamy lip locking on the podium when she won Gold and the US team won….
Most Likely To Get Knocked Up Troian Rodriguez After all mistakes are bound to happen when she’s trying so hard to pass for straight. I’m surprised it hasn’t happened sooner…But then again her close personal friendship with Maks Rasponti has to have some perks, since her family has come to disgrace at his orders.
Most Likely To Pay For Passing Grades Trevor Landon I know I’m not the only one who wonders how it is that someone with that many concussions managed to pass Trig? He’s not the brightest color in the box, and somehow manages to keep his captain position on our winning hockey team? Daddy’s money is green after all.
Most Likely To Be A Serial Killer Arcadias Zeller He does have a bit of that charming and sexy Ted Bundy thing doesn’t he? Almost like he’s too perfect to be real. Perhaps we should ask Mackenzie de Felice who is nicer behind closed doors, Arcadias or Noel? I know who my money is on.
Most Likely to Drive Away All Their Friends Kiely Landon Don’t worry Kiely, you’ll always have family...After all you have a brand new brother to always have your back, right? Besides its all their fault isn't it? Maybe if everyone stops hanging out with you, maybe you should think about the common denominator...
Most Likely To Fuck And Never Speak Again Nacola Menounos & Garret Cavelli
At the very least they should fuck and put the rest of us out of our misery with all that sexual tension between them. I even heard rumors that Noel Ailil literally GAVE HIM PERMISSION to have sex with her. Supports my gay theory.
Most Likely to Forget to Put Underwear On And Get Caught
Detroit Salem But that’s probably because she’s so busy being Sebastian Pierce’s stand in baby mama AND an Elemental to remember to put them on...not because of her old habits…but rumor has it Hayley’s real mom might be back in her life...
Most Likely to Keep Deluding Herself That Her High School Romance Will Last Kalifornia Salem
Sorry darling, but Chester Blackstone and Else Sandbech are #relationshipgoals, even Cosmo and Sports Illustrated agree. Looks like being a Salem doesn’t always mean winning. They were spotted looking at luxury apartments and furniture in town...
Most Likely To Fuck Up Their Kids Because No One Knows Which One To Call Mommy Cullen Patterson, Everly Trevelyn, & Shiloh Trevelyn I mean do I even need to explain this one? Cullen knocked up Everly when she jealously seduced him when she knew her sister had the hots for him and now they've all finally figured it out but there is Harmony, who is left to get made fun of at school because of her 'mommy issues.' Maybe Cullen should try out sister number three Emme just to make sure he's found the right fit and properly screw up his daughter.
Most Likely To Have Daddy Issues For Days Maddox Lennon, Lennox Lennon, Cohen Lennon and Sloane Lennon
Apparently finding secret siblings is just a thing that happens here and I could have QUITE the entry about that (don’t worry your pretty heads, I’ll be doing that shortly) all on its own. Looks like Maddie is trying to step into some...complicated shoes to be Patriarch of his family, while Lennox was spotted in the arms of her outsider ex boyfriend, Severian Prinze. Too bad we all know she’ll end up with her perfect boyfriend and not the best friend, #sorrynotsorry Sev. And don’t worry Maddie, I’m rooting for you.
Most Likely to Upgrade From Princes To A King - Audrey Pierce Eventually she’ll run out of royal princes to collect and be forced to upgrade to a King. Or maybe a Queen? We do remember those pictures from last year don’t we? Then again she's been seen a lot with the mysterious Kellan Dalton so maybe she'll break her collection?
Most Likely To Realize Her Dreams Are A Lie Rory Revnik and Paighton Seward
New year new dreams ladies? Sometimes its time to wake up and face reality, otherwise you might waste what little time you may or may not have left. Maybe its time to focus on the people who are important in your life, before they move on with other people?
Bonus Round: Terranox Transfers Edition
Most Likely to Get Theirs For Sticking Their Noses Where They Don’t Belong
Ainsley Bennett and Aubrey Vanlanen
After all ladies and gentlemen, you can thank these two intrepid journalists who being new to Mystic Veil did not know of what sleeping dragon they were poking with their impressive, but futile attempt to figure out what you have all tried for years to discern. So brava ladies, it was a valid attempt, but you owe Havok Eyre a new laptop, as his seems to have a terminal virus contracted by sticking his port somewhere it didn’t belong, and Brea Carrascomight need one too, as his has somehow managed to over heat and fry the motherboard. Sorry boys, I don’t like anyone inside me without my consent. You understand, darlings.
And don't worry ladies, I know all about Bree's drunk reunion in Vegas those years ago, which ended with her getting hitched while drunk and how Ainsley has been sleeping with Bree's wannabe hot as fuck rock star brother even when she was dating someone else. And we'll have to address your family dysfunctions in an upcoming entry ladies. But don't worry I never forget...
All those secrets laid bare for the world to see? You’re welcome. This year, the gloves are off. Its a whole new world my loves and remember it’s my world bitches. And to the new blood from Terranox? I’m not done with you yet, but you deserve your own entry to catch up Mystic Veil on all your skeletons and dirty little secrets.
Remember my loves, I’m everything I am because of you. And I know everything.
Consider this my warning shot. Next ones won’t miss and it won’t be pretty darlings.