a series of Patronus messages sent out Friday evening
[delivered by a small grumpy platypus]
[To Auror Stumph] How's the situation inside the castle? We've got hordes of zombie elves out here -- it started off with them moving around in groups of one or two, but they seem to be forming swarms out in the open now. It's a fucking nightmare, we're headed inside as soon as we can.
[To Professor Wentz] Just letting you know I found nine of your first years out on the grounds. A couple have minor bites, but I cleaned them up and they seem to be doing okay. I'll deliver them to you SOON AS POSSIBLE. We're headed to the castle, so let me know where you want them. You'll definitely want to check some of the first years' pockets, by the way. These kids are insane. Holding up brilliantly, though. Gotta run, but just wondering, have you seen Mikey? I can't get a hold of him.
[To Professor Urie] I have a whole pack of Hufflepuff first years I think belong to you. All doing well, just a bit shaken up. Are all Hufflepuffs such brilliant climbers, by the way? I had no idea. Anyway, we're headed to the castle soon, I'll find you and hand them over then.
[To Professor Sapota] Found two of your sixth years out on the grounds -- Primrose Benson and Fletcher White. Give them a couple points to Slytherin for me, will you? They've been fucking lifesavers. On our way to the castle now, be there soon, hopefully.
[To William Beckett] Spencer said you were headed towards Ravenclaw -- hope you're holding up okay. Fun fact! Zombie house elves still dislike being given socks, it turns out. Doesn't stop them for long, but it'll buy you a couple seconds. Maybe pass that along, if you can. Oh, right, I wanted to let you know we have about six Ravenclaw fourth years and two first years out here, couple with bad bites but I've got them mostly patched up for the moment. We're headed to the castle now, but -- oh, fuck me, that's a lot of elves. Fuck! Spencer, Jon, take the -- [voice fades out]