I try not to put too much of myself out there for all to see. I don't like feeling weak, or vulnerable, or worse... needy.
But sometimes even I need to vent a little. Feel free to skim right past this post... I'm just writing it in place of having anyone to actually relate to about it.
I have friends here... yet I've never felt more alone.
I have a child... yet I've no idea how to be a mother.
I hate being lonely... yet I can't get myself to be even slightly interested in anyone. Because I want him
to come back to me. Nobody else.
In a way... I'm almost angry
at him. I was just fine on my own, until he had to come along and make me love him. Father a child he won't even get to hold. Leave this life and take my heart with him.
War is a terrible thing. You can't be surprised when lives are lost. But damn... it sure doesn't hurt any less.