1. At least 17 years old 2. Preferably female 3. In possession of ungodly amounts of patience for putting up with my bullshit. 4. Well-spoken and able to help edit the shit I'm going to say in public. 5. If possible, willingness to indulge my succubus nature and have some friendly fuckin'. 6. Willingness to stay at the palace, and be on-call 24/7 unless previously excused.