Since I don't trust just anyone with tuning up and fixing Mischief, I'm back on Galador for the time being.
I'm sorry for just up and leaving the way that I did. I considered not even announcing it, especially seeing as how I turned off my communicator right after I made the post. I know that there were a few people worried about me, and honestly, rightfully so. I haven't been in the best of places mentally for a long while. I just don't know how much longer I can go trying to protect everyone's feelings.
So you know what? I'm just going to come out with it while I have the balls to do it. Being alone during that trip gave me the clarification that I was so desperately looking for...
I know that I'm going to get a lot of hate for this, but I have to tell the truth. I'm in love with Gabe. I have been since before I even met Reed. That's the reason that despite how much time I've spent with her we've never been physically intimate. She's a great girl, and had I been emotionally available when I started hanging out with her, things may have been different. Maybe. I just wish I had figured out sooner how I felt.
Reed, you are a great person to have around, but I know that this probably completely fucks up the chance to continue the amazing friendship we started. I'm sorry that it turned out like this, but it's not fair to you to keep going on the way that we have been, knowing how you feel. You're the best first mate a girl could ask for, but I'm not going to ask anymore. If you want to hate me, I'll understand. I deserve it.
I guess at least I was always open about the fact that I was seeing both and never tried to hide one from the other. You were both very patient with me, and I will be forever grateful for that. From this point on, I'll take whatever comes at me. I'll continue on the way that I have been, except for maybe taking on that new job I was offered if it's still available.