Holly Robinson (hollygonightly) wrote in freedomtownic, @ 2020-09-03 21:57:00 |
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Entry tags: | holly robinson (hollygonightly), ~lauren lewis (drhotpants) |
Who: Holly and Lauren
Where: Their Home
When: Following these two network posts
What: Breaking up
Rating: PG
Status: Closed; Complete
What. A. Shit. Night.
That was all Holly could think, over and over, as she made her way back to what was about to be her ex-home. To talk to the woman who was more than likely about to be her ex-girlfriend. Did we mention what a shit night this was?
Still wearing the skirt and blouse she'd worn to work earlier that day, the blonde took a deep breath as she walked in, trying her damnedest to hold herself together, lest she fall apart and just brush everything under the carpet.
Lauren had just finished a shift at Monstropolis Hospital when she checked the Network and discovered that Bo was back. They'd swapped a few messages, nothing that would be considered earth shattering and yet... Holly didn't see it that way. She'd had an explosive reaction. Was it unfounded? Or unwarranted? Lauren pondered that as she walked into the apartment, arms tucked tightly to her chest, her eyes distant and her heart hammering in her chest. Had she treated Holly like a consolation prize? Five years was a long time to spend with anyone and while the subject of Bo had come up sometimes, Lauren had been adamant that she'd made the right choice. That she'd picked Holly. That she loved Holly. But was that going to be enough to save them?
"Hey." Holly sighed, when she watched Lauren walk in. She had to fight the (by now) almost instinctual urge to walk over and embrace the beautiful doctor. God... where did they even begin here? "So, I guess we should get to the point. The question I asked you. Can you look me in the eyes and tell me that you aren't still in love with Bo? That if she asked you, you wouldn't go running to her? Or at least want to?"
Lauren pursed her lips together and looked away, which was an answer in itself. "Isn't it possible to love more than one person like that?" She asked, finally daring to meet Holly's gaze. Although when she spoke next she had an angry and defensive tone. "Are you forgetting that that choice was put to me years ago, and I chose you?"
"Yeah. You chose me." Holly sighed, shaking her head. "And since that day, I've had to watch you give moon-eyes every time someone mentions her name. You can love more than one person, Lauren... but you can't be in love with more than one. Not without one of them being a second choice. Which is what you've been making me feel like for longer than I care to admit." She looked at her, disappointment in her eyes. Had she expected Lauren to vehemently deny what she was saying? No... but she had been hoping for it anyway. "You may have chosen me... but I've never been able to feel like you were happy with the choice you made."
Lauren sat down on the armrest of the sofa, her jaw clenched. "Was it always that way?" She asked after a long silence. "Did I always make you feel that way?" She remembered when they'd first gotten together, how awkward they'd been. She remembered dancing. Making love. She sighed when she realized that they hadn't had that kind of fun together in a long time and only had herself to blame for that. Her mind and her heart had wandered elsewhere and she didn't even realize it at the time. Probably never would have if it wasn't for this conversation right here. "We were good together once, right?"
"Lauren..." She sighed, holding back tears. She was still in love with this woman. Desperately. But she knew, without a doubt now, that the intensity was not reciprocated. "We were always good together. But dammit... we could've been great together. If you could've loved me the way I love you... we could've been unstoppable."
Lauren nodded, a few silent tears falling down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry. For whatever it's worth. It was never my intention to hurt you." She covered a hand over her mouth in an attempt to rein in the sob that threatened to come. How could she have treated Holly like that? And for so long? By rights Holly should have dumped her years ago. It was Holly's love for her that kept them together for so long. A love that did not burn as intensely for Lauren. "I'm so sorry," she repeated, voice muffled by her hand.
"....so am I." Holly said, voice cracking. "When I came here... I didn't think I'd ever find someone I loved enough to make me want to stay here. And then I found you. I'll love you always, you know. And I sincerely hope that, if you can't have Bo... that you eventually find someone you can love as much as you love her."
Lauren let out a small sob when she heard Holly's voice crack. "I hope that you can find someone who will love you how you deserve to be loved. I hope that you'll find someone who will treat you like a Queen and nothing less than that." She sniffled. "You deserve the kind of love that will... sweep you off of your feet."
"I don't think people like me get to have that kind of love, hon." Holly chuckled sadly, awkwardly nibbling in her fingernails. "At this point, I'll be happy just to find someone who loves me as much as I love them."
That would be a good start Lauren thought but didn't have the heart to say. She wanted to reach out and comfort Holly, to tell her that it would be alright in the end, but she held back and in doing so she noted that she'd been doing that for a long time as well. "Just... be open to it," she requested softly. "It's the last thing that I'll ever ask of you."
She looked at Lauren for a long moment, sighing before walking over to her, and pressing her lips to the other woman's, wanting one last kiss to remember always.
Lauren cupped her cheeks and kissed Holly back. It was the kind of kiss that had a lingering sadness to it. This. This was where they ended. They said what they had to say and this was their parting gift to each other.