The Unicorn
"After weeks upon weeks, and so many introductions that I'm gonna have to spend the next three years writing all new jokes, we are at our final performance of this season!" Bea said with a laugh, wiping imaginary sweat from her brow. "This right here is without a doubt the horniest person here, next to me... (again... SEE WHAT I DID THERE?), ladies and gents, here comes... The Unicorn!"
"I've spent weeks now giving hints as to who I am." The Unicorn said, as she was shown striking a pose for the camera. "So for this, my final performance? I'm going to, instead, tell about who I no longer am."
"I am not the fragile person who drank her problems away." She said, as the screen showed The Unicorn laying facedown in a pile of empty bottles and cans.
"I'm not the emotional mess who gave herself to anyone who smiled at her." She said, as she's shown in a bar, drunkenly hanging all over a few different people.
"I'm not the black sheep of the family, that did nothing but anger and embarrass everyone I loved." She's shown screaming at the top of her lungs while other Unicorns hide their faces in humiliation.
"But the most important? At least to me? The first week... I said I was done being a sheep. That I was a shepherd now. But that is the final thing that I no longer am. And I couldn't be happier about it." She said, as a white veil fell in front of her face.
"Only thing left to do now? Is go out there, show everyone what I'm made of one more time, and have a hell of a lot of fun."