Ryan Kaufmann (tattooedbabe) wrote in freedomtownic, @ 2019-12-19 20:42:00 |
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Current mood: | confused |
Current music: | "Lovesong" -- The Cure |
Lovesong
Who: Regina and Ryan
Where: Sushi to Uta
When: Mid-November
What: Regina admitting her feelings for Ryan
Rating: PG?
Status: Closed; Complete
"I dunno, Ryan... you sure about this?"
Regina stood there, wearing a light, floral-print dress that matched well with her super-pale complexion, arms crossed beneath her breasts and giving a dubious look to the place they were about to walk into. The flashing lights outside of it said it all: "Sushi to Uta", which translated to 'sushi and song'.
"A Japanese karaoke restaurant on another planet. Honestly, Ry... where do you find this shit?"
"What?" Ryan asked with an all-too-innocent expression as she gestured for Regina to enter the restaurant first. Ryan had dressed in black jeans, boots and a dinner jacket rolled up at the elbows... With nothing underneath. It might have been considered obscene if it wasn't for the fact that it was practically painted on. One could also see the plethora of tattoos that she had.
"I thought you liked Japanese food?" She asked, her grin widening. Once inside, she hooked her arm around Regina's and took a look around. "Okay. And I secretly think that you have an amazing singing voice and this was just an excuse to hear you sing."
"....why the hell do you HAVE to be so amazing?" Regina asked with a grumble, her longtime crush on Ryan not exactly a secret. "Like I can say no to you. FINE, let's go... I'll make sure I sing something good."
"Not without imbibing a fuck-ton of alcohol and having so much seafood that'll make you wanna barf." Ryan gave Regina a hip-bump as they waited to be seated. "Because really. Isn't that what life's about?"
"Ryan." Regina looked at her like she'd grown a second head right in front of her. She was in love with Ryan, had been since the day they met. But some days? She wondered what fucking planet this chick was from. "Life is about alcohol, seafood, and barfing? Honestly, woman."
"Well, that and spending time with besties." Ryan gave her another squeeze. "And getting laid. I could go on and on and on." She decided not to mention her tryst with a few ladies recently purely because she knew how much it would bother Regina. She wasn't thick, at least.
Once they were seated she pouted thoughtfully at the menu.
"Getting laid. Right." Regina laughed, rolling her eyes. "Cos I really know what THAT feels like." She looked at the menu, briefly peering over it, just to take a little glance at her friend. Still the most beautiful woman she'd ever seen Regina decided.
Ryan glanced over the top of her own menu. "You're telling me that not one hot thing has tried to get all up on you since you've been here?" She speaks but the sounds that come out rarely sound like the English language...
"Not one, Ryan." She said, before giving a desperately pathetic whine. "Not. One." Not that she really wanted them anyway. Sure, she wouldn't exactly turn down a chance to make out with one of the hotties in this place, but for the most part? Her heart still belonged every bit as much to Ryan today as it did when they met.
Ryan tsked. "Well clearly the women here don't have a working pair of eyes," she decided. "Or any kind of sense to see what's right in front of them."
Head? Meet desk.
Oh, the glare Regina gave her right then. Ryan was a smart woman... but could she really be this clueless? Could there really be a chance that she DIDN'T see how desperately in love with her Regina was? "Hang on a sec, ok?" She asked, rolling her eyes as she stood up. She'd acted thirsty over this woman enough that Ryan had to know she was into her... but maybe she really didn't get how badly in love with her she was? It was time to find out. She walked up to the DJ, and briefly looked through the book of songs, trying to find something straightforward, that would hammer it home. Aha! She grinned, pointing out "Lovesong" by The Cure to the DJ, before taking the microphone.
"Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again
However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again
However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you"
As she sang the last few lines, she made a point of looking right into Ryan's eyes, trying to make this as goddamn obvious as she could.
Ryan had the blessed ability to hear thoughts and sense emotions and tended to hear people on different frequencies, often at once if she didn't mute them. Whether out of respect or a sense of decency, she'd muted Regina a long time ago.
When Regina started singing, she looked up and frowned. Static... static... and then Regina held her gaze and she was reminded why she'd tuned Regina out. The thoughts, the emotions emanating from here were too strong. They enveloped her in a wave so powerful that Ryan momentarily forgot how to breathe.
Regina walked back to the table, the look in her eyes a mixture of relief at having finally said all that, and of shame, knowing she may have just permanently damaged their friendship just to express feelings that were more than likely one-sided. "Welp... there it is. Sorry if I embarrassed you or anything..."
"No. No, that's fine," Ryan replied, taking a minute to catch her breath. That was a lot of emotion and a lot of thoughts were going through Regina's mind right now and she was hearing and feeling every single bit of it. Maybe that was why she'd ultimately tuned out Regina's frequency - out of fear of acting on Regina's feelings towards her, out of fear of taking advantage of her. Then there was the fact that Regina was quite young when they'd first met - so there were other fears involved there as well. "We've known each other for a really long time," she started to say.
"We have." Regina agreed, the defeat in her voice loud and clear. She was about to regret this, she could feel it. "And you just don't see me that way. I know."
Ryan tapped her fingers on the table as she tried to think how to word what she wanted to say. "It's just... hard not to think about who you were when we first met." She hoped that she wasn't completely fucking this up. "You were just... so neurotic." She frowned. "That's probably not the right word. Scared." Ryan remembered wanting to protect her. She'd moved across state lines to be closer to her. "And I know that you're a lot stronger now. I can see that. But those old instincts are still there. I even wanna kick my own ass for saying this."
"No... I'd say you're pretty spot-on on both accounts." Regina admitted, sighing. Her face said it all: she was positive she fucked up in a way they couldn't recover from. "I was a wispy, fashion-challenged weirdo who got bullied like it was going out of style. I was gonna be neurotic and scared, at least while I was going through that. And yeah, I had a huge crush on you from day one. But it evolved from that. And over time I fell so in love with you it's ridiculous. Even now, every time you brag about someone you slept with, it crushes a little piece of me."
Which was why Ryan hadn't mentioned her tryst with Shayne and Dorcus, if she was being honest with herself. The waiter approached and Ryan was glad for the opportunity to look away. She ordered Regina an iced tea and a Coke for herself, suddenly not all that interested in drinking to get drunk. "I'm sorry for always just assuming it was a schoolyard crush that you'd grow out of."
"I'm a kid to you. I get it. I always will be." She replied, reaching out to place a palm gently upon Ryan's cheek. It took everything in her to not lean in and kiss her. "Just... know that at least to one person? You're perfect."
Ryan exhaled and closed her eyes as she leaned into Regina's touch. "It's not that I think you're a child still. It's just... my first instinct has always been to want to protect you."
"So... I guess erotic choking isn't something I should ever ask for..." Regina said with a deadpan tone, raising an eyebrow. She was on the verge of crying here, so she figured if she made jokes, it would be easier to hide.
Ryan snorted. "Didn't figure you for the type to be into that kind of thing." She opened her eyes to meet Regina's gaze. She knew what Regina was doing without having to read her mind. Some things you just knew when you knew a person for so long. She took Regina's hand and kissed her palm. "You're my best friend in the whole world. Did you know that?"
"I do." Regina said, giving a sad smile. "I know you don't see me like that, and I don't hold it against you. My feelings for you... they're MY problem, Ryan. Not yours."
Ryan made a face. "Since when is loving someone a problem? I consider myself very lucky and flattered." If anything what Regina had just told her... made the wheels start turning in her head. Could she love Regina like that? Did she love her like that and not even know?
"It's a problem when it's one-sided." Regina replied, visibly annoyed at herself for even doing this. "That's how friendships get broken. Or at least bent irreparably." She reached over and placed one of her hands upon one of Ryan's. "I've loved you for years, Ryan. And if we're honest? I'll probably love you until the day I die. But I don't ever want that hanging like an albatross around our friendship."
Ryan shifted in her seat. "Then let's not." She paused. What could she say that wouldn't ruin their friendship? What they had? This was all very hard suddenly and she found herself unable to breathe. "This won't break us."
"It better not." Regina said, ornery as ever but definitely more outspoken now that she was older. "Because if you let my feelings for you make this weird, I swear I will sock you right in the mouth."
Ryan snorted. "With those tiny ineffectual fists? Bitch please." Still. What Regina had told her had opened her eyes, at least. Maybe she'd reflect on that when she was alone, but not now. She gave Regina's hand a squeeze. "We'll be okay," she promised.
"Hey fuck you! These fists would... would..." Ok, so she knew she couldn't do shit. "They're liable to give you a swollen lip for at least 5 minutes!"
Ryan laughed. "You're kind of adorable." She'd said it often over the years of their friendship, but she truly meant it. "Alright. Let's have a few drinks after we eat. We can sing Spice Girls or some shit."
"God, I still fantasize about Sporty Spice..." Regina said before realizing she'd said it aloud, and blushed HARD. "And that gets immediately stricken from the record. Yes. Singing shall be done."
Ryan laughed and set an elbow on the table and her chin on her open palm. "Nope. Sorry. It's in the vault for all eternity." She'd almost said that she'd had a thing for Baby Spice, but considering who she was talking to she bit her tongue. She didn't want to give off mixed messages when she didn't even know fully herself how she felt. If they could ever even... she picked up her menu again to banish the thought, peeking over it briefly to look at Regina, that question still lingering in her mind.
Regina found herself wondering if Ryan would ever truly see her. She had a feeling all Ryan would ever see looking at her was the gawky, wire-thin kid she was when they met.... rather than the beautiful, thin-but-built young woman that sat in front of her. "Oh, hey. Ryan.... do yourself a favor and move yourself over a couple inches to the left, k?"
Ryan narrowed her eyes, but the puzzled smile that followed just lit up her entire face. Sure. She could've just cheated and listened to what Regina had in mind. But where was the fun in that? "And just what're you thinking?"
"Just do it. Seriously." Regina said, mentally counting down how many seconds she had left to move.
Ryan's eyes widened and she immediately followed Regina's instructions to the letter. "The fuck..."
Sure enough, she moved in just enough time to avoid a mildly-drunk woman who'd been dancing... and tripped, falling right near where they sat. Had she not moved? The woman's drink would have spilled all over Ryan. "Told you." Regina said with a smirk.
You really do love me was the first thing that Ryan thought. She watched as the woman staggered about and apologized profusely. She waved her off, just as the waiter arrived with their drinks and to take their food order. She gestured for Regina to order first before ordering her own food. She waited for the waiter to leave before continuing the conversation. "You know. A lesser person would have let that happen."
"Yeah, yeah." Regina grumbled, the ornery little shit. "Well, a lesser person probably doesn't sit around pining after you all the time either. So... yeah. You're welcome." Regina really did love her... whether Ryan realized it or not, her friendship was what got Regina through the horrors of high school with her life intact.
While it was true that Ryan had always looked out for Regina, she'd always attributed that to the fact that they were friends and she didn't like the thought of her in any kind of pain or anguish. She paused and nibbled on her bottom lip thoughtfully. Another thing to file away for later. "So... tell me things. What all do you do with yourself here? School? Work?"
"Here?" Regina asked, smirking. "Not much so far. I'm looking for work, and just... trying to make some friends and maybe meet someone. Which, clearly, hasn't gone swimmingly so far."
"With your sparkling personality? I'm surprised." Ryan poked her tongue out, clearly teasing. As one might with friends... or when they liked someone. It was kind of akin to pulling a girls hair when you liked her. Not that Ryan recognized the behavior. "What kind of work would you do?"
"Well, considering the way my ad on the dating site was ignored, clearly prostitution wouldn't be a big money-maker for me..." She said with a smirk, before shrugging. "I dunno. Maybe if one of the companies here needs an administrative assistant or something..."
Ryan's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You don't... dating apps never seemed like your thing," she finished lamely. "I could help you look for a job?" She suggested. "I finally got a loan to open my parlor." Her eyes lit up. "You should be my first customer."
"People do ridiculous crap when they're lonely." Regina said, rolling her eyes. "For all the good it does me. You know how many times I've gotten laid in my life? TWO. One I was too drunk to even remember outside of who it was, and the other ended with me curled in a ball crying. Needless to say SHE never called again... and yeah, I'll come get a tiny tat from you."
The thought of the tattoo immediately escaped Ryan's mind. "Why did you cry?" As always, her first thought was Regina's well-being. Hearing Regina's thought that came straight away? Made her wince.
A bark of a laugh came from the younger girl when she realized what happened. "Looks like soooooomeone peeked into my noggin there..." She teased, not wanting to make a big deal of it. "It was a couple years ago. No big. Don't even worry about it."
The wince wasn't out of disgust, more... disappointment. That she hadn't realized how deeply Regina's feelings ran, or how long. "Did you ever... hint that that was what you wanted?"
"What? That I wanted you to wear me out like an old pair of jeans?" Regina laughed, rolling her eyes. "Let's just say it started as very mild subtext, and became VERY PLAIN TEXT. And you either still never noticed, or just.... weren't interested. Which, again - I get."
Ryan blushed. As already established, she'd always seen Regina a certain way and figured she was just joking whenever she hit on her. "I feel like a massive thundercunt. Just FYI." It was about that time the waiter reappeared with their food. She gave him an apologetic wave.
"Dude, no." Regina sighed, reaching over to affectionately thwap Ryan on the back of the head. "Bad. Seriously... I was a lot younger. And not exactly the kind of girl people tripped over themselves to get with. And you.... you've always been this sexy, charismatic.... FORCE, you know?"
Ryan let out a delighted squeal(!) when Regina smacked her, then couldn't help it but giggle. "Dude, no. You've always been gorgeous. I don't know that I can explain it without being a complete dick." She admitted.
"I've watched you more or less tell other chicks you wanted to fuck them while I'm 10 feet away. I think we're long past 'complete dick', hon." Regina teased, rolling her eyes. "So let's hear it."
Ryan rolled her eyes. "Honestly? You've grown into a beautiful woman. But we've known each other since you were iddy-biddy and any sexual thought? Even a small one? I never entertained. And anything I might have ever accidentally gleaned from you over the years? I would have been a dick to act on them, because those were your thoughts and feelings. And I'd need time to think and make sure for the both of us that if something ever comes of this discussion that it's for the RIGHT reasons. Does that make sense?"
"It does." She said, laughing. "Look. I love you. I'll ALWAYS love you. But I'm realistic. Nothing has to change between us. You're still my best friend, and you always will be, no matter what. Even if you are a twat sometimes."
"Only sometimes?" Ryan asked with raised eyebrow and a small lopsided smile.
"Only sometimes." Regina repeated, trying not to laugh. "And... for the record? I agree ONLY to a small, easily hidden tattoo."
"Fair enough" Ryan replied, picking up a pair of chopsticks. She split them in half, scraped off any wood splinters and started on her meal. "What're we thinking then? A little unicorn? A starfish?" She teased.
"I was kinda hoping you'd help me pick something." Regina said with a laugh, taking a long look at her friend. "Something that represents strength, and survival maybe."
"Well if you need to see strength all you need to do is look in the mirror, babydoll," Ryan pointed out as she chewed on her thoughts as well as her meal. "I'll think of something," she promised.
"....one day I'ma get you to sleep with me, Ryan." Regina said in a deadpan tone, shaking her head at how bad hearing the woman say something like that to her made her want her even worse.
Ryan barked out a surprised laugh. "Why do I get the feeling that now things are in the open you're gonna say more things like that?" Not that it was the worst thing in the world, come to think of it...