InsaneJournal

The Unlikeliest of Friends
Who: Alex and Wade
Where: Alex's Apartment
When: Backdated like whoa to Friday, September 18th
What: Wade cheering Alex up
Rating: I'd say high, for sex talk and Alex's vulgar mouth
Status: Complete


"Alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllex...." Wade called out happily, knocking on the woman's door in his full costume, but with a t-shirt over it bearing a picture of a little Lego figurine and the words "Block Lives Matter" Sigh. It was funny to HIM, ok? When did he ever give a shit about offending anyone, right? "My favorite little sexy convict in there?"

Alex was, indeed, in there, sitting by an open window, smoking a cigar. Hearing Wade, she smiled and looked over at the door. "Your costumed ass can come in!" She called to him.

"Got your list of assignments for the week..." He said as he happily skipped on in, walking over to drape an arm over her shoulders. "And ya shouldn't smoke those things. They'll kill ya. Not ME, but... you." He raised an eyebrow under his mask, before letting his voice grow (at least momentarily) serious. "You ok, Hot Stuff? You seem all bad moody."

"I don't smoke 'em all the time," Alex assured him. Sometimes she just craved one, though. "And I'm fine," she said, waving a hand airily to bat off any kind of concern (as well as any lingering smoke). "What're my assignments?"

Wade reached into his pants and pulled out a sheet of paper, unrolling it and handing it to her. "Don't worry, I'm not going commando today, so the paper doesn't smell all ballsy." Lovely! "Anyhoo, mostly pretty mundane stuff this time: an electric guitar and a small amplifier with it, some clothes... few food items.... oh, only things a little tougher to score this time are some antidepressants, a record player (because unless you're some douchey hipster, who the hell plays records nowadays?), and..." He practically choked on his words then, trying not to laugh as he read the end of the list. "Oh, Alex. Looks like YOU'RE gonna get to go to one of those shady-but-fun Adult Novelty stores for a few items!"

Alex quirked an eyebrow. "Now would that be for you and the wife, or for Captain Rogers?" She couldn't help it but ask curiously as she inhaled more of her cigar.

"HAH! Blondie? You kidding me? She'd probably die of embarrassment if she ever LOOKED at some of those toys. And NO... Shiklah and myself have no need for that. No these are..." Yeah, Wade. Let's sit around and gossip about the people you're supposed to be HELPING. Very heroic, douche. "for the cute little blonde that works the reception desk at the hospital. Damn, freaky little thing, huh?"

Alex quirked an eyebrow again as she got to that part of the list and couldn't help it but smirk and say dryly: "Well, I guess that depends on who you talk to." Alex liked to think she was open minded, thank you very much. "Are any of these rush orders, or can I have a couple days off?"

"Well, the antidepressants are likely important, but I don't see anything there that has to be done like... RIGHT THE FUCK NOW, you know?" He asked, before raising a brow again... and hugging her. Without saying a word.

"What was that for?" Alex asked with a surprised chuckle, giving him a hug back after a brief hesitation. She wasn't a big hugger. At least no lately, anyway.

"You just... seemed like you needed one." He said, oddly astute for someone so typically batshit crazy. "Call me a sap, but I hate seeing a beautiful lady looking sad. Figured if that didn't work, I'd try to get you thinking about what the cutie at the hospital is gonna do with those things she wants..."

Alex gave him a wry smile. "The mind does go to wonderful places," she lilted. "I said I'd give Holly a call once I got settled. Not sure I'd go as far as to deliver her goodies and say that I'd be willing to help test them out, but a date would be nice." She fell silent then, obviously touching on what was bothering her.

Which Wade actually picked up on. "You know, Alex... I may not be the best guy in the world to take life advice from, but... whoever you were in your world? That's behind you. If there's someone you're interested in? Even if it's someone you've barely met, or someone you're just attracted to... go for it. You're good people, babe. So you made a few mistakes. I do that on a daily BASIS if we're being honest. But you deserve to get some happy in your life."

"Thanks Wade." Alex replied, falling silent for a moment as she enjoyed more of her cigar, making sure to blow smoke out of the window. "As much as I joke about straight girls being drama queens I don't think that lesbians are any better." She chuckled and shook her head. "I fucking hate that I'm so goddamn lonely, and Piper really fucked me up in terms of getting close to someone ever again."

"Hey, I'd try to talk the Mrs into letting you spend some time with us, but NOOOOOO, you had to go and be GAY. Nice going, lady." He said with a huff, obviously trying to make her laugh. He wasn't entirely sure why, but he hated seeing this woman upset.

Alex wrinkled her nose. "Sorry about that. It's just how I'm written." She blinked and looked at him for a long silent moment before cracking up, folding up like an accordion as she laughed. "I really spend too much time with you."

"NO SUCH THING." Wade told her,pointing comically in her face. "I am the BOMB DOT COM, woman. Or if you live in Texas, the clock dot com. BUT ANYWAY. You love hangin' out with me. Don't even lie."

"I really do. And hey, just so this is out there, you know I wasn't really hitting on your underage alt!daughter, right? I mean, I have my l limits, not by fucking much apparently, but I have them."

"She's enough like both me AND Shiklah that I know she gets what she wants, and nothing else." Wade said with a casual shrug. "Besides, I'm the LAST person who can ever bitch someone out on morals, you know? I mean hell, I was hired to bring Dracula his betrothed, and instead layed pipe with her, then married her."

"Well, at least you made an honest woman of her," Alex joked with a wry smile. Still, despite Wade's efforts to cheer her up, she still felt unsettled in her mind, and it was a feeling that she just couldn't shake. "Not to get all serious on you, but I do appreciate that you look out for me, Wade."

"You know, Alex... I don't have many friends." He said, being open and trusting with her... in his own nutty way. "Mostly because I'm total headcase with the emotional maturity of a third grader, but also because I don't trust many people. Never had much reason to. This place though... it's weird for a lot of people to have all these "fictional" characters be real, but to me? It's kinda like a gift. This weird, messed-up place gave me not one, but TWO people I consider good friends. You and my pal Pete. Besides..." Yeah, he couldn't stay serious for long. Ever. "You're as fucked up as I am. Maybe more! It's like when a chubby girl hangs out with a FAT girl, because it makes her feel skinny by comparison."

Alex blinked. "That better not be your way of telling me that I've put on a few pounds since I got here," she joked. If anything being out of prison had made her healthier physically, though.

"Are you kidding? You're totally bangable. If you were into guys? I'd totally go all HULK SMASH on that ass." Oh good god, Wade... ah well. He was trying. Really. "Plus... you got the 'hot chick with glasses' thing going, which is TOTALLY sexy."

Alex laughed. "I won't lie and say that they haven't gotten me into many a ladies bed," she said, adjusting said glasses on the bridge of her nose.

".....I would literally pay GOOD MONEY to watch you and my wife go at it for 30 minutes. Granted, it makes you both sound like prostitutes, but at least I'm being complementary enough to think of you as HIGH PRICE prostitutes..." He pointed out with a cheeky grin beneath his mask. "At least I'm cheering you up a little..."

"Well, it's you, Wade. I can't be a totally thundercunt around you," she replied, smirking and playfully shoving him away.

"Sure you can! Hundreds of other women have managed!" He said cheerily, before saying something that, especially for HIM, was surprisingly sweet. "I really hope you never get sent back. It's been a long time since I had a genuinely good friend."

"Me too," Alex replied, giving him a warm smile. Well, there was Gwen now as well, but she wasn't sure she should bring her up since she was currently fucking her.

"And hey! Castle's up here now, so that means you don't have to get freaked out going to him for weapons anymore!" Wade pointed out happily, clapping her lovingly on the back. "Now you get to deal with my old pal Inez. I think you'll really enjoy those transactions..." He grinned beneath the mask. "Much better scenery for you than Frankie."

Alex laughed. "I'm glad you're always thinking about how much I'd appreciate the scenery. Although lemme tell ya, I'm not exactly lacking it up here."

"True... lots of gorgeous babes up here, my lady definitely included..." Wade snickered, nodding his head. "Myself? I enjoy gawking at Dr. Lewis. OH! Angela and Cosima too, who B-T-DUBS are totally doing it now."

"No kidding?" Alex chuckled, quirking a curious eyebrow. "What rock have I been under? When did that happen?"

"Just recently, I think. Neither is exactly a chatterbox, but when you see them walking around constantly practically BEAMING with afterglow, it doesn't exactly take a genius to figure it out." Wade said, slowwwwly raising an eyebrow beneath the mask. "Dear sweet zombie Jesus can you IMAGINE those two together???"

"I can and am, thank you very much," Alex said with a dreamy little sigh. "I'm definitely taking that to my happy place later."

"Right? Speaking of hot chicks gettin' it on... you been getting any action you can tell your pal Wade about? I know you were scopin' out the hottie receptionist at the hospital... if I know you, you've been swimmin' in trim since you got here." He said, as if this was the most normal conversation in the world to have.

"I've not been lacking in female attention, this is true." Alex buffed her knuckles against her chest jokingly. Aw. At least it looked like Wade's company was cheering her up some. "Between us? I've been spending a lot of time with Gwen Stacy lately. She's a little cutie."

"OH EM GEE." Wade gasped, practically squealing. "Please god tell me you she wore the costume for you. And also? I would give you more money than you can imagine just to videotape that for me ONE DAMN TIME." He told her, in his typical joking-but-totally-not-joking way.

"Wade!" She squealed, thwapping him in the arm for good measure. "You know that I'm not an exhibitionist!" She tried to keep a straight face there. Really, she did. "Okay, that's a complete lie, but even if I did film us together it would go straight in the vault."

"You wound me, Vause." Wade said in a dramatic, faux-devastated tone. "You hit me RIGHT HERE." He continued, thumping himself on the chest. "I thought you cared about me and my emotional well-being... OH THE HUMANITY...."

"Somehow I think you'll survive," Alex replied, chuckling and shaking her head. "Still, it's nice. Being with her I kinda forget about Piper for a while."

"See, we need to find you a chick who deserves the awesomeness that is you." Wade pointed out, his tone practically DARING her to disagree. "Someone who'll appreciate you and all that other happy horseshit."

"The whole slightly shady importer/exporter thing might be off-putting to some women," Alex pointed out. Then again, her previous profession was completely shady, at least in her current profession she was trying to help people. That had to count for something. "I'd have to be upfront to someone to even give a relationship a chance." She sighed. "Fucking Piper knew what she was getting into and she balked fairly quickly." And Alex had turned to drugs. But the story was a lot more convoluted than that, so let's not get into that. "I can't have that happen again, Wade. I just can't."

"Well... this time you got something you didn't have before." He told her, in one of those rare instances where his insanity gave way to real sincerity. "You got someone looking out for you. That cares about you."

Alex quirked an eyebrow and smiled. "That wouldn't happen to be you now, would it?"

"Not unless you know some other nutcase mercenary with a face that looks like something Pizza Hut would use as a topping..." He said, giving a nonchalant shrug. "Besides. Dude that writes me is totally retarded for the chick who writes you. Like I could abandon you even if I wanted to."

Alex laughed. "Stop breaking the fourth wall already, you're ruining this otherwise very sweet moment." Heh. She stood up and stretched like a cat. "Feel like taking a girl out for a drink?"

"Well, normally I'd say my wife would kill us both for that, but since you're gayer than the day is long, I don't think she'll mind." Wade said cheerily, jutting his elbow out so she could take his arm. "I should warn you though... if you get fucked up I reserve the write to take humiliating photos of you and post them on the network."

Alex laughed. "I'm actually not against that." She moved her mouth to one side thoughtfully. "Mind if I take a few minutes to put on my best 'come hither' outfit? Promise I won't disappoint."

"FINE..." Wade said in an exasperated voice. "But one day you're gonna have to let me see you naked or something, just to put some extra reserves in the spank bank." LOVELY! Dear god, only these two would get such a goddamn kick out of each other, hm?

"You're such a dork," Alex laughed, kissing Wade's masked cheek before prancing off. No more than ten minutes later she returned, dressed in one of her favorite black babydoll dresses, red lipstick on and hair done up. She smirked and did a twirl.

"WHOA! Dude. Time out. Technical foul on the play. I call total shenanigans." He said, crossing his arms over her chest. "No fair for you to dress like that but then deny me nudie pics. That's just... just... MEAN."

She shrugged. "Such is life, dude. Deal with it. Now come on. Let's get me fucked up and maybe introduce me to some new ladies."

"Yeah yeah yeah..." Wade grumbled teasingly, as he led her to the door. "But remember, if you get shit-faced and start making out with chicks, I'm totally recording it for posterity."