沙咲冬夜 // Sasaki Touya (bendtherules) wrote in freedem_uni, @ 2010-10-20 13:42:00 |
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Entry tags: | #monologue, touya sasaki |
Who: Touya
What: Trying and Failing
Where: Outside by the Forest
When: 20th of December, 2009
Rating: PG-13
Status: Complete
He doesn't know what to do.
For Touya, life had once been so simple. He worked, he hunted. He killed when he needed to and sometimes when he didn't. There was a sort of comfort in simplicity, in always knowing what you were supposed to do, but things had been complicated greatly since his...
Touya, considering how little he liked change had gone through transformations many times in the fairly short span of his life. There had been the changes he'd gone through while growing up, joining the organization, moving to a new city, a new school... And then his life had changed so irrevocably that he still reeled from it this time. Even now, well-used to his life style and the charge that he had been handed, he still sat some times and wondered what it would be like to see people, the people he cared about most without the magic swirling around their bodies, the shadows... He wondered what it would be like to see them without those things, if he would feel the loss of those images from his cursed eyes.
It's a strange position to be in. To know exactly where you stand, but still be completely lost and as he sucked in a deep breath, he could feel the cold air sting his lungs. Apparently hunters started to wonder if they were even human any longer, but Touya had no doubts that they were still human. Humans were ugly, filthy, foolish... And hunters just took these traits and honed them. They immersed themselves in the ugliness, in the filth and did foolish things because of that. The very fact that it was being debated made him want to sneer. Idiots. All of them. They had a fucking job to do and people were splitting hairs.
They were born human. They would die human. Whatever powers that they had were given to them and could be taken away. He knew that. He fucking knew that. They would kill and fight the monsters, they would be cut down, they would die and then they would all go to hell for their service to the angels that chose them. To think that they were more than human or somehow less made him angry.
Thunk.
Touya looked at the knife, stuck in the bark of the tree and then around him, not understanding for a moment where the weapon had come from. He thought perhaps, that it was Locke playing tricks and was about to snap at his roommate for it when a movement caught his eye, a blur of skin followed by another solid thunk as a second knife embedded itself in the tree trunk. Quietly, Touya looked at his own hand, pulling it away from drawing another knife and kneeling quietly in the snow, trying to quiet his mind the way that they had learned in class. He was slipping and slipping fast, voices whirling in his head, mixed with laughter and screams. There was the smell of blood, hanging heavy in the air and when Touya opened his eyes he swore he could see strange shapes in the air, the shadows of monsters that would come to kill Sayuri if he didn't kill them first.
There was a quick succession of knives thrown, each of them sinking into a tree and Touya pulled back, looking on with bleak eyes as he struggled to find his centre. He would have to go in soon. He would have to go.
Fuck.
Pushing himself to his feet, Touya moved to retrieve his knives, pulling them forcibly out of the tree trunks and when images of blood and death filled his mind, he didn't stop and question why.
The voices in his head had already told him what he needed to know.