Blaze (ethereal_blaze) wrote in freedem_uni, @ 2010-10-11 18:00:00 |
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Current mood: | anxious |
Who: Blaze and Mags
What: A lil chat.
Where: Blaze's room.
When: Dec 1st (backdated)
Rating: PG 13 for language.
Status: Complete.
EthereaI Blaze: Training had been surprisingly quiet compared to other sessions and the lack of noise nibbled at the raven haired mutant. It was the reason she had invited Mags to her room after they were both showered and dressed. She needed to talk with the younger woman about these events though she feared sticking her foot in her mouth. The door had been left open, awaiting the other mutant's arrival and Blaze began to go over lines well rehearsed within her mind. Somehow she knew it wouldn't go as planned but she had to try getting through, if only to bring her friend a sliver of peace.
MagsMyst: With a sigh Mags trotted down the hall the weight in her chest dragging her steps. It had been almost a week since she had given up. It felt like a defeat because it was. The southern belle had lost a lot of things before but her pride was always the hardest. Never before had the young woman truly disappointed herself. "Well, if you're going to do it, do it right," she thought aloud under her breath. Messy wet hair was tossed from bare pale features. Things like makeup and fashion just didn't seem to matter the way they used to. In jeans and a well worn tank top the disheartened young girl mustered up what little strength she could find to appear functional and fine before entering Blaze's room with a light tap to the open door. "Hey."
EthereaI Blaze: Blaze had busied herself smoothing out the comforter, patting it gently with a glance toward the girl. "C'mon in, and shut the door if you wouldn't mind. Like I said 'fore, think it's bout time we had a lil talk." Sitting on the bed, she scooted over to give the taller girl plenty of room to get comfy if she chose to.
MagsMyst: "Okay," the girl replied closing the door, a bit confused as to why she would mind such a simple request. A simple, silent nod was the only acknowledgement Blaze received that the words had sunk in. Lowering herself to sit next to the fiery wonder that embodied so many of her hopes and fears hazel eyes turned brave but empty to meet her companion's politely. "So talk?" That had been in short supply lately and for some reason Mags didn't see that changing too soon.
EthereaI Blaze: "Look," the mutant began with a sigh, "I don't wanna come at you with accusations and the likes but I would like to point out a few things bout what happened on that last mission. I'm well aware you're not use to situations like that but certain actions put both you and the group in danger. This isn't about blame, it's bout helping you be betta if that's what you want. One of the major things is asking questions. I'm sure you had plenty but when we go out like that there's a time a place for it all. Be betta to ask right off if anythin is unclear. Anotha point is following orders. Missions are run in a militaristic manner, not a democracy but suggestions are always welcome. Which brings me to my last and most important point, self preservation. I'm sure you were tryin to help but risking your own neck ain't worth it. You're betta to us and yourself alive. Prolly saying this all wrong but point is, I'm worried bout you. What's going on?"
MagsMyst: A deep whoosh of air evacuated all the make believe strength the girl had mustered. Slim shoulders slumped along with a dainty neck. Elbows fell weakly to the freshman's knees as the words that had been running around in her head and a few others all nicer than the ones Mags would use to describe herself filled the emptiness between them. Bitter laughter wiggled a slight frame. "Not use to situations like that is putting it mildly. You're far too kind." Hazel orbs drifted up to the ceiling a self loathing smile on soft, rosy lips. "Believe me I know. I tried working harder. I tried just shutting up and doing as I'm told. I've been doing it my whole life. You'd think I'd be good at it by now." Drawing a deep breath the troubled young woman refuted her friend's point. "I disagree. Doing one thing right and saving all of you, even Touya, is worth my life."
EthereaI Blaze: A slightly frustrated noise released from her throat. "Yea, I get that but it wasn't the time nor place. There may come a time when giving your life saves everyone else but you can't use that as an excuse to be reckless. Throwing your neck on the line ever time will only be a sacrifice in vain. The right time may or may not come and it's all about survival. Yours and ours. Does it make any sense?"
MagsMyst: "Survival? Yeah survival makes a lot of sense, but nothing else does!" Launching to her feet Mags paced back and forth a single tear slipping beyond her control. Head shaking in frustration the young woman tried to find the words but found only overwhelming emotions without explanation. "I just wanted to do one thing right.... even if it killed me."
EthereaI Blaze: Slipping to the edge of the bed she extended her arm, hand gently taking the other girl's. "Easy there. You've got a good heart Mags but learning to deal with situations like those takes time and practice. Sounds to me like you need room to breath and bit of help. Talk to me. You're troubled and perhaps if you get it out something will come of it."
MagsMyst: Lips disappeared beneath the pinch of white teeth. Clenching a stubborn jaw tighter and tighter every polite instinct within the girl warred with the need to scream. The gentle grip sided with the tears of frustration that so boldly betrayed her. "I can't! Don't you understand?" I helpless desperation lay naked in hazel orbs. "There are things you don't talk about. Things you're not supposed to say and people you're not supposed to say them to. I can't just walked up to the professors ask them if they're insane and why they're being so reckless!" The free hand waved about in wild gestures as the other held tighter to the offered comfort. "I can't just walk up and ask them what they were thinking ever asking me to come on. Can't they take one look at me and see the truth like everyone else does?"
EthereaI Blaze: Brows pinched with concern. "Why can't you talk bout them? If you feel the need to question any of the professors you have every right so long as you approach it in a respectful manner. They may give you insight otherwise unseen, just don't expect them to be perfect. We all make choices and not all of them are the best ones but we learn. Not everything is black and white." Stunned silent by the harsh words, she shot back a moment later, "what? That you're a girl who wants to help but doesn't know how? I'm pretty bloody sure they see that light alongside your mistakes. You mean well but the execution is questionable. Now you can crawl under a rock and throw yourself a pity party or you can own up to your shortcomings and find a way to overcome them or compensate. As always the choice is yours but if you want my opinion I believe you could do great things Mags. It just won't come easy. Suppose the question is, are you willing to try?"
MagsMyst: "Because you just don't. You have to respect your elders, their knowledge and experience. You're supposed to trust that they are doing the right thing." Stung by Blaze's words the joined hand was sharply removed. A few protective steps back were taken. "Would I be standing here if I was going to crawl in my own skin and give up? Would I open up to you at all if I wanted to be so alone and pathetic? I'm pathetic enough as it is, thank you." Each word was calm and threaded with hurt and indignation.
EthereaI Blaze: "Asking questions has nothing to do with respect beyond the way they're presented. You have a right to question them and most welcome it." Her stomach sank at the removal of contact but it didn't show on her face. Tilting her head, she smiled up at Mags. "Exactly my point. So what are we going to do about it?"
MagsMyst: Blood sank from paling features at her friend's words. Knees buckled in mute shock depositing the girl's bum on the bed across from Blaze. So Blaze did see it, too. Touya was right. She was an idiot for ever thinking she could be more. Shoulders shrugged weakly with a hard gulp as fresh tears spilled over. "I don't know. How do you stop being a 'stupid fuck idiot' anyway?" The clip in the words that were all too familiar perfectly mimicked the tone and rhythm of Touya's words.
EthereaI Blaze: Sighing deeply, she whispered tenderly, "hey, never said you were an idiot. I was simply agreeing that you aren't the type to crawl under a rock and you look pretty worn. That's not the Mags I know and I wanna help improve the situation. As for Mr. Charming's words, again you're not an idiot but we all do stupid things. Human nature. Best advice I have is buff your critical thinking skills, minimize risky actions and listen. I think you can do that but do you? I don't want to patronize you or anythin cause I was a right fuck up my first year round so I've got no room to talk."
MagsMyst: Each confidence building word was like gold to the desperately frazzled girl. The picture Blaze painted was everything Mags believed about herself but had begun to doubt in this place where nothing made sense. Pitching herself to the floor the wounded girl scuttled on all fours over to Blaze. A troubled head pressed to the fiery girl's lap drenching it with all that had been held back for so many weeks. Slim arms hugged the other woman's legs to Mags' trembling chest throughout the deluge of salt slickness and beyond as hiccups tried to return the lost oxygen.
EthereaI Blaze: A look of surprise overcame the normally bubbly brunette, hand instinctively resting on the back of mag's head. Slowly fingers began to comb through that silky mane in a soothing gesture, voice cooing softly, "it's alright luv, let it out."
MagsMyst: Shaky breaths returned soothed by the hypnotically tender caress. "I don't understand," truth fell just above a whisper. "Why do they even want me? I'm no hero. I'm not a soldier. I'm an actress." A wry chuckle slipped loose. "I have no idea how to be a soldier. I was supposed to be a good wife and a good mother, organize the best parties and fundraisers. All I ever wanted to do was help make the world a better place. And while I was volunteering in soup kitchens and Habitat for Humanity people were being horribly mutilated, ripped apart, faces twisted in sick masks of torture for the pleasure of sick, twisted creatures I never knew existed. And every time I go people almost die. Plenty of times me, but others too." Hazel eyes rimmed in red turned up to her companion in tender concern. "Especially you. Every time I go I'm terrified that I'll do something wrong that will get someone killed. And every time I have to decide whether or not to go I'm even more terrified that one of you will die and I could have done something to prevent it. How do you live with something like that?"
EthereaI Blaze: Cupping the girl's cheek, she soothed, "it's a different battlefield luv. The professors believe you have skills that can benefit the group in ways nobody else can. You have the heart which makes your determination that much stronger but you're right, you're no soldier and perhaps that's not a role you should take up at all. There's more to a group than fighters, everyone brings their own skills to the table. Close range combat is very dangerous. Maybe your calling is less combat oriented. I know Liadan could use all the help she can get and even though you're not a healer that doesn't mean you can't be a wonderful medic." Kissing Mags' forehead, she sighed softly. "You trust in those going if you cannot and when you go, caution is your closest friend. Try your best to stay away from danger and assist where you're most useful. For that ranged weapons are a wonderful thing and when the battle ends you can be the first response on getting the wounded stable. There will always be times when you can't go but you have to trust us. We'll do all we can to make it back safe."
MagsMyst: The thought that she could help without fighting had never occurred to the girl before. Helping Liadan had felt good though, more right than anything else she'd ever done on a mission. Lashes drifted closed with a slight smile at the kiss that eased the troubled mind beneath. Slowly nodding in understanding tenderly glowing, worshipful eyes clung to Blaze's features. It was a good idea. With a soft chuckle Mags mused, "Maybe I should learn to shoot. A concealed carry license wouldn't upset my parents at least. Hell, grandpa would be pleased as punch."
EthereaI Blaze: Tilting the girl's chin up, the mutant gave her a tender eskimo kiss. "There you have it then." Wiping Mags' cheek with a free hand, she continued to stroke the younger woman's hair. "I'm sure Professor Shields wouldn't mind teaching you but it'll take a lot of practice. Depending on what you use the kick takes some getting use to. Anyway, feelin a bit betta now?"
MagsMyst: Mags returned the sweet, gentle gesture eyes sparkling. It had been a long time since she had felt this safe and cared for. Nodding in understanding the words were filed away for deeper processing at another time. A tender, silken caress slid up Blaze's cheek before gliding around to cup the back of the Brit's neck. A slow magnetism took over leading soft lips into a lingering caress. "A bit," the southern belle smiled through a slightly scintillating whisper.
EthereaI Blaze: Smiling out of the kiss, the feisty brunette teased, "good, jus don't start gettin all mushy on me alright?" Blaze was pleased with herself. The conversation hadn't gone as planned of course but the result was the same and that mattered most.
MagsMyst: "Well..." With a sly look Mags began to glide away for effect, but not very far. "I was going to see if you wanted to cuddle, but I wouldn't want to get too mushy on you," the southern belle teased a light, melodic tone.
EthereaI Blaze: Chuckling, the Brit grabbed her companion by the sides and pulled the taller girl into her lap. "If you're not careful I'll tickle you to death missy," she teased. "I gotta pop off in a bit for band stuff sadly but think I could get a rain check?"
MagsMyst: A sudden squeal burst forth from the girl at the shock and joy of being handled so. Smiling and laughing softly a comedically whimpered, "No," teased the air. Legs fell naturally to either side of Blaze's lap, slender arms draping comfortably over the brunette's shoulders. "Aww," the freshman pouted horribly. "Yeah, I guess." A playfully dramatic sigh punctuated the words a giggle easily following. "Well, would it be okay if I slept here anyway?"
EthereaI Blaze: For the first time tonight the younger woman would be able to see the mutant's smile vibrant in emerald eyes. It made her happy seeing Mags light up again, replying with a slight seriousness to her tone, "I don't mind but do check with Liadan, yea? She should be in 'fore lights out, least long enough to see what she has to say and all."
MagsMyst: The light in clear, green pools was like a spark of hope defying the darkness that always seemed to be encroaching. With a soft smile Mags nodded her understanding and consent. "Fair enough." Rolling to one side the emotionally spent young woman slid towards the center of the bed.