沙咲冬夜 // Sasaki Touya (bendtherules) wrote in freedem_uni, @ 2010-08-19 19:34:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | #monologue, touya sasaki |
Bliss
Who: Touya
What: Brooding
Where: His Dorm Room
When: 2am
Rating: PG
Status: Complete
There are nights, long lonely nights, when Touya thinks he wakes up screaming only to discover that he hasn't made a sound. As always, the first thing he does is look to his right, checking to make sure he hasn't woken up Locke before looking down at his hands. The dream hadn't been as bad as they usually are. Sometimes when he dreams, he wakes up desperately searching for Sayuri's blood on his fingers. Those dreams are the worst, the ones where he wakes up thinking that she's died or worse, that he'd killed her somehow.
The silence in the dorm room is oppressive, but Touya forces himself to lie back down, eyes fixing on the ceiling above him. He's memorised the myriad of cracks, counting each and every one on those sleepness nights. Other times he simply pulls out the coin that Locke had given him when they first met, running it over his fingers with a practiced ease and making it disappear. It's almost second nature to him now and when he pulls out the coin, walking it over his knuckles, he can almost feel at peace with what's going on. At least he's not wasting time this way. At least he can still say he's training.
He doesn't reach for the coin tonight though and lays there for nearly half an hour, trying to will himself back to sleep before he gives up on it. There's no where on this campus where he feels at home, there's no where on this campus where he feels safe and no matter how hard he tries to trick himself into thinking that he'll find that place, he knows it's a futile hope. Dressing quietly, he casts another furtive glance over at Locke before he slips out the door. Before Touya realises what he's doing he finds himself outside of Sayuri's room, hand poised to knock before he stops himself. After what had happened the last time he'd had a run in with bakani, he's hesitant to put himself in the same place as her again. Not because of a fear that they'll get in trouble or he'll upset her, but because of the position that it puts Sayuri in.
Stupid girl would probably blame him for stressing Sayuri out too.
That is what Touya doesn't understand about Americans, their insistance at sticking their noses in where they simply don't belong. They don't understand and don't try to understand, instead, they simply assume that they're right and try to taint all the evidence to fit their view of the world.
Touya thinks sometimes that most Americans have closed-head injuries that no one ever talks about.
Giving up on the idea of talking to Sayuri, he makes his way down stairs, taking them two at a time. It's another way to train, another way to force himself to be better even if the rewards from doing so are miniscule at best. Everything's training.
Even Hell.
The night air is cool as Touya steps outside, his eyes closing for a moment before opening again. Casting a wary glance at the forest, he shakes his head. The shadowy shapes that he can see moving through the branches seem less than inviting and casting one last look at the dorm, he breaks into a run, pushing himself to his limit as if that would take him far away from this place and what he so desperately fears that he'll become here.