InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Or coming and staying?"

Ares (ares_godofwar) wrote in forgotten_gods,
@ 2010-01-30 03:23:00

Entry tags:

ares, phobos

The cold, suffocating dark goes on forever and we are alone.
Who: Ares (ares_godofwar) and Phobos (fearandpanic)
What: I live my life free of compromise, and step into the shadows without complaint or regret.
Where: Ares' penthouse.
When: Saturday night.
Warnings: None.

Bags were packed and almost everything was taken care of, thanks to Harmonia who seemed to obsess and worry over him as if he was four feet tall and couldn't take care of himself - apparently he was supposed to feel loved but if anything it confused him. No one fussed over him like that for as long as he could remember but, well, in all honesty, it wasn't so bad.

He thought about leaving tonight, but something kept him here. New York City didn't welcome Ares anymore, but he wasn't ready to leave just yet.

'He would understand.'

Those were the three words he would use to define his relationship with Phobos. 'He would understand.' He had barely spent any time with Phobos before the small blond boy became a stranger in his home, and yet there was this assumption that 'he would understand'. Where it came from, why Ares even thought that way, why he still did - he didn't know.

'He would understand.' Ares could leave tonight - get in his car right now and drive off - and he would still think that as he crossed borders.

But what if Phobos didn't understand?

What if he never did?

Years - centuries - of 'he would understand', and he felt like Phobos had drifted away out of reach. He never talked to the boy because 'he would understand', and now he felt like he barely understood the boy.

It was one thing to kill his own father. He still harboured hatred for the old man and nothing would change five thousand years down the road. But Phobos wouldn't kill him - there was absolutely nothing between them. It was infinitely worse.

Ares didn't rehearse his lines - didn't think about what he wanted to say. But if the Furies got to him and he hadn't said anything to Phobos, thinking 'he would understand', it would be a regret Ares didn't want to have to bear.

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fearandpanic
2010-01-31 02:04 am UTC (link)

"Hey, dad-" The rest of the sentence was forgotten when the boy saw the bags by the door.

It was never a question of 'if' but 'when' Ares would leave.

Phobos had lost count of how many times he'd watched his father's retreating back and he was probably better off not knowing the exact number. This time was a little bit different.

Ares' leaving was inevitable now that Zeus was dead. Staying would be foolish, would probably mean certain death - his dad had to leave. However, knowing all that that didn't mean he was eager to see his father leave. While they still didn't really talk a lot, they were getting better at avoiding those awkward silences that liked to pounce them out of nowhere regularly.

If they had more time, they might be able to make them go away. If. But there was never enough time, was there? Not even with eternity at their disposal.

The boy didn't know when and what went wrong or how and why they ended up like this. All he knew was that somehow it was his fault.

"...need help with those?" he asked, nodding towards the luggage, and slipped his hands into his pockets. Like always he wished he could do something useful, but like always he found himself in the position of not being able to do anything at all.

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ares_godofwar
2010-02-02 01:37 pm UTC (link)

"No it's alright." He wasn't a woman; he didn't pack forty kilos worth of junk and ten of necessity. He had a destination in mind, and there were motels and laundrettes along the way. Even some of the 'necessities' Harmonia insisted he took along with him, he left behind.

'Will you be alright?', he wanted to ask, but he wasn't actually that worried for Phobos. Perhaps they'd been apart for so long that it didn't bother him anymore, or perhaps he had faith in Phobos, more than the others, to be able to take care of himself.

"You have my keys. Use the bike if you want; don't get your balls ripped off." Ares had had fifty-seven blows to his right knee - possibly a hundred more that he could not remember - and it healed each time. Getting one's balls ripped off from a nasty motorcycle accident; might not be as easy to recover from.

"Cash card is in the top drawer. Be nice to the cleaning lady." He might not have looked like he had a lot of money, and he was always borrowing from Jamie, but he had a lot of money. Certainly enough to last, unless Phobos was planning to buy up half of Manhattan in the coming week.

"And..." He didn't even know why he was telling Phobos all this. But he already started, so he might as well finish.

"Look after them."

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fearandpanic
2010-02-05 05:26 am UTC (link)

Phobos just stood there, frowning lightly, registering everything Ares was saying and stored it away, all the while doing his damn best to act as if this was the most normal conversation in the world. Truth was, however, he hadn't expected any sort of conversation at all.

His father had never said goodbye in the past. At least not to him which had never been a big deal. The most the boy had got was a glance, maybe a lopsided smile before he was left behind to watch Ares' retreating back.

He'd never wanted any sort of goodbye - well, maybe had on occasion but not really - because 'goodbye' opened the door to the possibility that Ares might not return and that wasn't a thought he needed to carry around with him every time his father took off.

"Okay. We'll be all right, don't worry." He would look after the others just like he would walk off a cliff if Ares told him to. "You be careful. Those women... they're... a different kind of crazy, you know..."

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ares_godofwar
2010-02-07 02:53 am UTC (link)

He wasn't worried. Or... whatever. He didn't even know anymore. Times were different and maybe he did have a right to be worried. But he wasn't going out to jump into the heat of battle and Phobos wasn't a little boy anymore.

"All women are different kinds of crazy," he commented offhandedly, reaching down to pick up his bags.

It only served to remind him that he had never really been around for Phobos. Sometimes he'd feel guilty of it; even if it made him think how far they had come since then. Sometimes he felt like he didn't care at all. He wasn't cut out for parenting and he was anything but gentle. There was nothing he could teach and there was nothing he wanted to teach.

"And it's five thousand years too early for you to be telling me to be careful."

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	fearandpanic 2010-02-12 01:40 am UTC (link)
	Ares was saying it like it was a joke. It wasn't a joke. Phobos didn't have as much experience with women as his dad but he'd seen what that redhead, er, those readheads... the whacko Fury chick(s) were capable of and he was worried. But when was he not worried when his father took off? Exactly. "More like too late," the boy mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck absent-mindedly. (Reply to this)

ares_godofwar
2010-02-18 02:21 am UTC (link)

He paused, bags in one hand, the other hand flat against the door. Holding still as if he had been frozen in place, he blinked once, twice, and then his gaze dropped.

Failure. You'd think you couldn't take any more of them, but they just keep coming, one after another.

"I know. I'm sorry." It sounded like a hollow apology. It wasn't that Ares didn't mean it - he just... he'd never really been sorry. Wasn't sure if that's what he was feeling, or if a head tilted slightly to the side, face complete with a downcast gaze and slight eyebrow furrowing should be accompanied by an 'I'm sorry'.

And then he was out the door, not once looking back until he pressed the Ground Floor button on the elevator side panel and glanced over to Phobos before the steel doors slid shut.

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fearandpanic
2010-03-06 05:54 pm UTC (link)

How many 'I'm sorrys' had they exchanged during their endless lives? Many; so many that whether either of them meant it didn't matter any longer. Too many.

Once again the boy could do nothing but watch his father's retreating back, following and stopping by the entrance to Ares' penthouse. Even though he'd done this thousands of times, it didn't become easier. Watching the distance grow, he bit his tongue to keep all the useless and futile pleas from spilling out.

He didn't smile, didn't wave, didn't say goodbye. Just kept his gaze on Ares, wondering why he couldn't accept that no matter how hard he tried, he would never be able to bridge the gap between them. Every time he tried, he ended up adding another inch to it - or so it seemed to him. But he couldn't stop trying because if he did, he would be giving up on his father...

Then Ares looked at him and the boy's mask cracked. He didn't know ho long he remained in the hallway, staring at the elevator doors, the taste of fear, regret and blood in his mouth.

Eventually Phobos lowered his gaze and stepped back into the penthouse, shutting the door quietly behind him.

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