Harmony Hofmann | LSD (lysergicworship) wrote in forgotten_gods, @ 2009-04-24 00:01:00 |
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Current mood: | shocked |
Entry tags: | lsd, shrooms |
this degeneration,mental masturbation,think i'll leave it all behindsave this bleeding heart of mine
Who: Shrooms (?) and LSD
Where: Under the bed in the Highway
When: After Mari breaks the news and breaks Harmony
Warnings: angst... drug brother's stuff
Mari had ordered him to the Highway, although that just felt like cruelty on top of everything else, and Harmony had limped his way back, slipped inside and had slunk upstairs and from there straight under the bed like an animal going away to die. Everything around him WAS Mari; the bed where they slept, the couch where they cuddled, the kitchen where they made brownies and cake and all kinds, the bathtub they could both fit into, the roof garden... the roof garden...
Part of the reason why Harmony was so in shock was that he hadn't seen this coming... or maybe he had. The roof garden confused him. Mari had said, "Make it a representation of our love for each other? Our space, up here, yes?" he'd said "make it ours". He'd said " I fell in love in that instant, Trip. I'm never going to let you go." and "We're Marijuana and Trip, Trip and Marijuana and we always will be, 'kay?"
He'd told him that all he wanted was his love and he'd gotten that, had that in spades, and the Harmony had told him... 'you're my whole life'. Unlife. Whichever. Had told him that.
'Never going to get rid of me'. He'd told the truth at least, there were still hooks in his heart where his brother was but they weren't attached to anything anymore. The things he'd said while he was tar covered though, what he'd shown him... it had come true.
He still hadn't cried. He'd taken it with the same empty detached acceptance that he'd taken it with in the park; as unexpected and out of the blue as Mari's sudden desperation to be with Heroin was, Harmony didn't think about trying to ask Mari to leave Heroin. It made sense for them to be together, just as it made sense that Mari shouldn't be with LSD. Just because LSD didn't get it didn't mean it didn't make sense. As far as Harmony was concerned, Mari could do no wrong, which meant his decision to leave the family to be with Heroin (who was leaving the family too? he didn't understand that either) was the right one which meant.
All he could think was that it was him somehow. Maybe when he'd kept his distance from the Highway. He'd thought avenging his brother, taking on the Phonoi, had been the right thing to do, but he'd been wrong. Then he'd thought that keeping his troublesome self away from his family had been the right thing to do, but he'd been wrong. He thought that having Heroin joining them, joining the every-growing MariLSDSpeedShrooms would have been the right thing to do, but it seemed that again he'd been wrong.
Mari was right so whatever he was feeling - or wasn't feeling - right now was wrong and he just couldn't reconcile that with himself, just kept circulating the same things over and over in his mind. His phone buzzed and it was Shrooms replying. He hoped he'd come soon. He kept himself in a curl that Rabbit would have been proud of and waited in the dark under the bed.