Harmony Hofmann | LSD (lysergicworship) wrote in forgotten_gods, @ 2009-04-10 08:14:00 |
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Current mood: | angry |
Entry tags: | lsd, speed |
Who: Speed & LSD
What: When the Organics are away the Synthetics... miss them. And cuddle up together.
Where: The Highway
When: While Shrooms and MJ are off communing with nature
Warnings: Drug use... the usual drug siblingy goodness
Speed had promised he'd be up in a second and Harmony got off the net and shoved the laptop to one side where it wouldn't be damaged, lying on his back on the bed, his and Mari and Speed's bed, should have been Shroom's bed, and watched his painted ceiling staying stagnant and immobile. In those moments he hated it, hated this busy, cloying, noisy, spinning thing he had created and asked himself why he'd even thought this a good idea as a present for Mari.
Mari was earth and soil and, Mari was ORGANIC. He was natural and he grew, he had a connection that he shared with Tracer and why the fuck would a painted room have been an appropriate gift? LSD hated it, hated, hated, wanted to paint it all over in white or green and leave it that way, the way it should be, the way it was before he'd arrived. Who noticed these things anyway, the decor, the ceiling, the ceiling for fuck's sake.
Harmony turned to his side so he wouldn't be able to see and drew his knees up until he was lying comfortably like a forgotten comma in the blank page of the bed, waiting on his brother.
What else could he have done for Mari? Well, anything. Anything plantlike, it wasn't that hard. A garden or something down in the basement, but no because that was Mari's special sacred place that Harmony felt he shouldn't touch or go near because he didn't get it. Stupid synthetic. He had nothing, no roots, no depth, even on his own as a drug he was still different from the others. He didn't want to think this way about Speed, beautiful sparky full of life Speed with his crazy loving highs and his destructive burn out lows that Harmony wanted to protect him from even though there was nothing he could do.
His lowest points were everyone else's lowest points, the leeching, sucking drug; he never knew if an impulse or feeling or even thought was his own or someone else's at the time and the more he kept his users low, his trips shoddy and his circulation, well, poor, the more he noticed this.
He missed Mari.
He knew where he was with his big brother. He had a purpose, a role to fill that Mari needed him to fill, his wonderful powerful brother who could bring him so low with a word and raise him higher with just a look. 'I'll take care of you after' he'd said and Harmony had said that it hurt and not to stop because he was the sponge and that's what he was good at. Sucking it out of everyone else, why not the bad things too, to take the agony from Mari's shoulders, what had he said, had let slip to him in bed after he'd come home? 'Need you to take care of me'.
Well he didn't do that. Didn't. Couldn't. How could a synthetic, a fake, take care of an organic when those problems had been sown by him in the first place? Couldn't take care of, no, but could take from, everything wrong, every pollutant, other fighting plants, everything trying to choke his brother, he could take that. He had nothing outside of Mari, he had no life outside his brother. Mari had died and Harmony had bolted down the path of vengeance and it had been sweet but it had been the wrong path to take. He wasn't the warrior. So what should he have done? Turned up late, as usual, and taken it back. He would gladly do so, disappear for Mari and transfer all his followers, but Mari wouldn't have any of it. Sneaky Harmony to channel it elsewhere. And he wasn't able to take revenge for Speed either. No, he wasn't the warrior and he felt it too keenly, so what else could he do but take again, even in this dark mood, do as he would have for Mari, as he should have done, and be there for Speed who didn't even want him there, who hadn't wanted any of them there between him and this mortal.
What could he do now but repent. Repent, repent, repent, suffer and break himself down again and again until it had finally been enough for what he'd done. He couldn't do that until he'd switched himself off, stopped soaking up yet more problems he'd caused and try and cope with what he'd already done.
He turned back onto his back and looked back up at the ceiling. Yeah, he'd repaint it in peaceful greens for his brother's return in apology for the mess. And the paintings on the walls. He waited for Speed to stop playing with Kitty and Rabbit and make good on promises of cuddles.