"I don't think he was upset with me," Colin said quietly. "I think he was upset with the scar." He ran his fingers over the scar again, closing his eyes as he tried to remain calm. He was always trying to stay calm. It was habit now. He was always clinging to that control because it was safe. Maybe he'd learn to feel safe here and then he wouldn't be so worried about it, but until then...
"I couldn't stop my face from heating up, Justin. It got all hot...and I tried to count down from ten and it didn't help and I couldn't make it work. I couldn't calm down." Colin wrapped his arms around Justin properly again, letting himself curl against him. In his mind, he said 'I love you' about a million times a day, but he wasn't allowed to say it. Not really.
For a moment, he was quiet as he thought about the idea of being able to freely express himself. "I wish we could stay together. I don't want to be alone at night. I know we can't sleep in the same room at home, but at least we are in the same house and I know where to find you at night."