26th September 2004 • The Wizarding World's Beguiling Broadsheet of Choice • 5 κ
QUIDDITCH STAR BEWITCHED INTO DATING BAKER
By Katalee Simon, Quidditch and Lifestyle Correspondent
Many fans of the Quidditch world are familiar with the brawny blonde Keeper for Puddlemere United, Oliver Wood, whose father was a noted Beater for the Pride of Portree during Catriona McCormack's rise to fame, and whose uncle and brother are well known sellers and makers of brooms. He's known as much for his skill and intensity as a player as he is for his flirtatious off pitch persona.
But fans of the former Gryffindor might be devastated to learn that Mr. Wood is off the market. Not only that, but sources close to the wizard (including some telling quotes from the man himself) suggest that this "relationship" isn't quite as consensual as some would believe. Yes, you heard that right, Oliver Wood is being potion-ed into dating this woman. And who might this temptress be? Well, none other than Melinda Bobbin, heiress to Bobbin's Apothecary and pastry chef extraordinaire. It seems like her worlds are mixing quite well in order to snag this eligible quidditch star.
My investigation began when I sent an owl to Mr. Wood to address whether or not he was, in fact, dating Ms. Bobbin, after photos of the couple had surfaced and rumours began circling. His answer was very telling. "Yes I am," he started, which was innocent enough, but the rest was chilling to the bone. "I was enchanted by her and her pastries. What could I say? One taste of her wares and I was hooked." Is that a fact? I had to find out more.
Speaking to a source close to the star under the promise of anonymity, I learned a great deal had altered about Oliver's persona since he started "seeing" Miss Bobbin. "He's not been himself at all. He's distracted and always mentioning her and then saying he's hungry. I'm sure she's put something in his pastries. I told him not to eat so many, but that's his biggest flaw-he has such a sweet tooth."
And that's just the beginning of the tale. I spoke to other sources who are regulars at Finnigan's, the popular Monument Alley hot spot, and word on the street is that just weeks ago, Mr. Wood was flirting and dancing with Susan Bones and (sources are not clear on this) Harry Potter. Why the sudden switch from flirtatious Lothario to settled down boyfriend? Another anonymous source seemed to have the answer. "I heard she ordered Amorentia. Obviously she put a love potion in his cakes. Why else would he go for someone as mousy as Melinda Bobbin?" So you heard it here first folks. Personally, I think it's an outrage that the Ministry isn't looking into the practices of Miss Bobbin's bakery. Who else has she poitioned and for what purpose? And won't someone think of poor Mr. Wood? We can only hope he snaps out of it soon!